Category: We baby boomers (Page 7 of 23)

what are you waiting for?

12/18/2017 / Laura

It’s Advent. A season of waiting, of hope, of learning patience for all the wonderful things that could be. That’s not something many of us really understand easily, in this age of right now, right here, right away. We’re so sure we know what is around the corner, so why doesn’t it just get here already?

But what if we acknowledge that we truly do not know what is ahead…and let that be okay? We might find a real peace in giving up control (like we had it anyway) and just letting life be.

You’d think as boomers, having gone through so many things in our life—most of it unexpected—we’d be used to the idea that we often have no clue. We make our plans, we deliver our list to our higher power, and then we wait for it all to come true.

Surely Santa will find us, even if we don’t have a chimney.

And then Christmas morning comes, and it’s not under the tree. The new job. The perfect marriage. The wonderful house. The dream we’ve been keeping in our hearts for a lifetime. Why? What did we do wrong?

Why can’t we have what we want, and right now?

Or…maybe we did get it.

That new job…what you really wanted was to feel competent and respected. Look around: there are probably many people who consider you a mentor. You’re smart. Successful. Own it!

The perfect marriage...would that be Ozzie and Harriet or Father Knows Best? Those are television shows. Reality is a bit tougher. And maybe just taking a look at photos of you and your spouse from the early years might remind you why you fell in love. He/she is still there, sitting right across from you every morning.

That wonderful house...it’s okay to want a sparkling new kitchen or a wonderful deck for entertaining. Maybe just making some easy changes would make things feel new, like new paint or rug or outdoor furniture. Like they say, if you want it, picture it…you never know.

That dream….this is where it gets trickier. You always wanted to live in the mountains. Or you’ve pictured the farm in the country with cats, dogs, horses and more. Or you haven’t been to Europe and you’re starting to wonder if you’ll make it. Maybe what’s really tugging at your heart is something else—a need to explore. To take a risk. To do something a bit frivolous and throw caution to the wind.

Do it. Right now. Every day. Do something unexpected. Even a little crazy. It might take you just a few steps closer to doing the big thing you’ve always wanted to do.

In “Things That Join The Sea and The Sky,” author Mark Nepo says:

“At the end of all we want, we’re meant to glow. So long and want and dream till you exhaust your heart’s desire. We learn so much from longing, and wanting, and dreaming. Mostly, that they are not the mansions we dream of living in, but the wood that keeps our fire going.”

I have to believe we get what we need, and, if we ask, we do get what we want….but it might not even be something we realize we want. Sometimes it feels like it takes forever. Remember being a child on Christmas Eve?

It’s a season of joy…it’s coming, but it’s also here, within us, even if we have to hunt for it. Let’s not give up.

“Let’s approach Christmas with an expectant hush, rather than a last-minute rush.”

Anonymous

Cookies, everyone?

12/11/2017 / Laura

They’re everywhere.

On the kitchen counter….

In the refrigerator….

Lurking in tiny bags with ribbon….

On top of the desk, in the break room, on the car seat….

Cookies!

If you’re not baking them, your neighbor is, and she just has to share. Chocolate, cinnamon, oatmeal, ginger, sugar…they’re out to get us. Even if we don’t usually have an appetite for them, right now, during the holidays, we feel compelled to eat them. Just one. Well, maybe just one more. After all, you don’t want to be rude.

_MG_3286_ And it’s that time of year, right? When eating is akin to caroling, wrapping presents, and trimming the tree.

You take a break, you get a cookie. You take a walk, you get a cookie. You breathe, you get a cookie.

Cookies invoke memories of Christmas past, when everything was filled with wonder. When anticipation just about killed you as you wondered if you really had been good all year, or was Santa listening when you yelled at your brother/sister?

Mothers just know how to bake them, at least mine did. From scratch, of course. By the time Christmas came, there were endless round tins of all kinds of cookies everywhere. Decorating the sugar cookies was especially fun, even if I wasn’t very good at it. At least they tasted good.

Truth be told, I still could probably take the tube of icing and go sit outside and consume it outright. (Of course I can do the same thing with homemade macaroni and cheese, but that’s another story.)

Every year, I resolve to amp up my exercising during December and stand firm against the temptation of the round devils. Yet there they are. Somehow, they’ve entered my house. As each day goes by, they seem to multiply. It’s like a trance comes over me and I find myself reaching for them more times than I would ever do in the middle of summer. Like a 1950s black and white horror movie, they take over my brain.

The Cookie Blob. The Dough That Ate Godzilla. Invasion of the Chocolate Snatchers.

Even Oreos. Especially fresh Oreos, followed by tart lemonade. Research conducted using Oreos’ effects on lab rats concluded that high-fat/high-sugar foods stimulate the brain in the same way that drugs do.

Duh.

Is there any escape? Maybe not. Maybe that’s okay. Of course, moderation is a good idea. I’m still working on that.

But I’m not ready to give them up completely.

I like how baking cookies fills my kitchen with a wonderful aroma. I like how in the winter, they make everything feel cozy and warm, especially if the cold wind is howling outside. I especially like how they make me feel like my mother is standing next to me, smiling as she watches me do what she did for so many years. (Or perhaps frowning when I drop the pan and eat them anyway.)

Which cookies are your favorites? Do you carry on traditions you learned as a child? I’d love to know.

As for me, I’m thinking maybe I need to make just a few more batches. After all, I sure wouldn’t want to run out….

“Cookies are made of butter and love.”

Norwegian Proverb

Helping Texas survive.

08/28/2017 / Laura

The devastation in Texas is breaking my heart and the heart of so many. What can we do?

Donate to reputable organizations like The Red Cross, or Salvation Army, or the charity of your choice who is forwarding financial resources to the affected areas.

What else can we do?

Pray. Keep those affected in our thoughts and hearts. And do not judge.

We wonder how it could be this bad. How could some people not flee when they got the first warning. Why does it seem we are always so unprepared.

Remember, things aren’t always as they seem. We might have the financial resources to drive away from a natural disaster. We might have family or friends to stay with. We might have a car gassed up and ready to make the trip.

Not everyone does.

Some of these people have just enough to pay their bills and exist.

They don’t have a car.

They don’t have a family who can help them, or house them safely.

Some of these people can’t even walk. So please while you are watching the television coverage, don’t ask why they didn’t walk to a bus stop.

They need our help. They are victims. They are scared. Lonely. Desperate.

Lest we judge, let’s consider what it’s like to be sitting in water. With no lights. No air conditioning. No fresh food. No plumbing.

Maybe next time, they’ll make better decisions...if they can.

Until then, let’s extend some grace. It could very easily be us. Nature doesn’t discriminate.

I confess to feeling this pain acutely, being originally from Texas, and having spent the first 30 summers of my life in Port Aransas on summer vacations…walking the beach, collecting shells, fishing, enjoying the simple beauty. And now it’s been dealt a serious blow that will take years to recover from.

But I know Port Aransas, and the rest of Texas, WILL recover.

Because people are strong. We know how to keep going. And all of us, particularly boomers, whether we are from New York, Canada, Florida or anywhere else, can help. We can send positive energy. We can write a check or donate some old clothing.

We can stand with these battered, exhausted people. They need us. And we need them.

“We rise by lifting others.”

Robert Ingersoll

Getting Un-Sunk.

08/21/2017 / Laura

The sunk cost effect. Chances are, you’ve lived this at least once in your life. And you could be living it right now.

Have a pair of shoes in your closet that kill your feet so you never wear them, but can’t get rid of them because of what they cost?

Absolutely hate going to work every day, but hesitate to quit and find something new because you’ve been there 10 years and invested so much time in it?

Then you’ve discovered the sunk cost effect.

Scholars tell us sunk costs are backward-looking decisions we humans make because we choose to continually reflect on our past decisions, we attempt to make sense of them and we reference the past in order to justify future decisions. Apparently, much of it comes down to the fact that we don’t like losing.

Maybe if we stay in the relationship it will get better, which will prove it wasn’t a mistake all along. If I try really hard, I can convince myself I love living in this house, because after all, I paid a lot for it, so why not spend more money on improvements.

And then there’s the good old demon of dreading the energy it can take to actually make a change. Staying in the rut is so much easier, right? Especially when we fear facing the reality that maybe whatever we’ve sunk so much of ourselves really was a mistake, and we are scared if we acknowledge that and move on, we’ll just die of misery.

We’ll have to feel bad.

Others will shake their heads and wonder what’s wrong with us.

We will have failed.

And it’s that feeling of loss that can take over our minds…blocking out all the possible benefits of making a big change, like new opportunities for growth, new relationships, new adventures and more.

Because remember, sunk costs are those you can never recover. You spent the money on the dress you can’t wear, and it’s not coming back whether you give it a way or you let it take up space in your closet for 20 more years. You bought the ticket for the terrible movie you would love to leave after 10 minutes, and whether you leave, or make yourself sit through it, that money is gone.

Gone. Over. If you don’t accept that and move on, you will find it harder to make choices for better experiences in the future…instead, you will keep trying to reduce the bad feeling of a past loss.

Sunk costs are bad at any age, but I think they can be most troubling as we get older. We feel we should be smarter, wiser. We should be at a place in life where we like where we are. Like all those happy, pretty people in the commercials flying kites and laughing with grandchildren…all our past decisions should have been the right ones.

Right? We’re supposed to be happy now, right? And if we’re not, we sure don’t want to admit it and acknowledge maybe a choice we made just wasn’t the right one.

But what if that’s the only way we really can be happy?

It’s scary. Scary to imagine everyone around us thinking we’re nuts to reverse a decision, make a big change, maybe return to something we once gave up. Or to see us “suddenly” stop doing something, or leave a relationship, or change our lives in a big way.

Sometimes to win, you have to quit something. Give up something. Throw in the towel. Then, you can turn your energy forward and let the universe propel you where you should be.