Category: We baby boomers (Page 5 of 23)

Is the party over?

07/23/2018 /

It’s hot.  It’s late July.  Are these the “Dog Days”?  I used to see that on my father’s calendar in his office and wonder what that meant…were dogs suddenly going to appear somewhere?

Now I understand.  You just feel like walking around with your tongue hanging out.

It’s been a weird summer  Weird weather.  Weird interactions in the workday.  Weird injuries.  It’s frustrating because I always feel like every day is so precious and I shouldn’t waste it….I should get out there and be doing things.  But sometimes I think Nature finds a way to slow us down, make us stop, and be still.  Really still.  Or, as a member of the clergy reminded me the other day, “put our toes in the sand.”

Sounds pretty good to me.

Already, we’re in a rush.  We let Sunday advertising tell us it’s time for back to school.  Put away the toys, balls, and bats kids, because it’s time to start worrying about school.  Hurry up and take that vacation everybody, because it’s about to all be over.  What are you waiting for?  Make your reservations or forget it.

Was it this way when we were children?  I can’t remember already getting depressed at the end of July.

IMG_0130I remember thinking in late July I had one more month of freedom.  So I savored every second of it.  Popsicles at night, hide-and-go-seek on the street corner, cool dirt and soft grass to run in.  Surely now that we are so much older, we can give ourselves the permission to extend the summer as long as we can.

Because really, it should be a state of mind.  A place where we can go when life just gets too hectic.  And it is too hectic.

We’ve made our lives insanely busy.  But sometimes I think through all the appointments, commitments, and requirements, we’ve forgotten to live.  To even notice where we are or who we are with.  At the end of the day, can you answer these questions?

  • Was it sunny today or cloudy?
  • Did you smile at a stranger today?  Help anyone?
  • How many times did you laugh?
  • What have you learned today?
  • Did you remember to have some moments of gratitude?
  • Was there even a minute when you stopped, looked around, took a deep breath and really noticed your surroundings?
  • Isn’t that what living is supposed to be about?

Don’t let advertising tell you when it’s time to relax or play. Or when it’s time to stop.  If you’re a boomer and beyond, you know better.

You know life is what you make it…and maybe right now, you’re ready to make it fun.

 

“Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing at all.”

      Helen Keller

 

Keeping your cool.

05/31/2018 /

First, it’s hot.  Just plain hot. Too hot. 

I know it depends on where you live, but chances are, you’re already sweating more than you’d like by now.  And it’s only the first few days of June.  Egads.

Second, it’s harder for us over 50 when it gets this hot.  We tend not to realize we are thirsty as soon as those who are younger, so we have to keep a water bottle with us and drink from it all day long.  Really.  Sip it every few minutes and you might keep from getting dehydrated or at least a blinding headache.  The heat also just makes you feel weak and listless.  You run out of gas halfway through a task (and this is when you are inside, usually in air conditioning).

Listen to your body.  Rest.  Get cool.  Wait until dusk to cut the grass or clean out the trunk of your car.  it’s just not worth it.

But even more than the seasonal heat, everything seems hotter right now.  The air is filled with hateful tweets.  Angry vices take over the news.  Irritating political commercials make outlandish claims and force us to listen to people we would never give the time of day to if we sat next to them at the office.  It all makes you want to find a shady place by a mountain stream and put your bare feet in the water, close your eyes and just feel that gift of peace.

You can’t make people stop spreading their heated words.  But you can turn down their volume.  Or better yet, hit the mute button.

Turn the channel.

Don’t read the angry Facebook post.

Delete the email with the doctored photos.

Walk away from the person who wants to tell you the racist joke, since it seems to all be “okay” these days to mimic very, very very behavior set by those in power.

Turn away.  

Instead, breathe some cool air.  Have some iced green tea.  Listen to your favorite sonata.  Sit with a grandchild in the grass and string together some clover.  Buy a popsicle and sit on your front porch and enjoy it.  Watch the lightning bugs at night.

Take back your summer.  Take it where you want it to go.

Let them rave.  You’ve heard it all before.  Hot air doesn’t last long.  Heated words blow back on those who choose to spread hateful messages.  You know better.

Put down the phone.  You won’t miss anything important.  And you might create some wonderful open moments for other things to happen.

You carry your treasure within.  Let yourself enjoy it.

“Nothing can bring you peace but yourself.”

      Ralph Waldo Emerson

Walking each other home.

04/30/2018 /

Life is so fragile.  Every moment is precious.  All around, there are people whose life has frozen in time…bad news about a loved one.  Eviction.  Divorce.  A frightening diagnosis.  Loss of a child.  Maybe a business failure or money crisis that feels like there is no way out.

As baby boomers and beyond, we’ve had our share.  And while it would be nice to think now we get to enjoy life, the joke is somewhat on us, or so I’ve found.  Life does not easier.  In fact, with the challenges of aging, it might get a lot harder.  And more painful.  So where’s the hope?

I think it’s in the fact that we are wiser, we are survivors, and we understand what is important, and what is not.

And I would hope,  we cherish what—and who—is most important to us.  Because as someone very wise said, “We’re all just walking each other home.”

I like that.  I like the idea that when we’re at our most desperate, spirits appear around us who can lead us forward.  Maybe we can see them—a dear friend, a spouse, even a beloved pet.  And maybe they are invisible…but I believe they are just as real as ever.  They’ve loved us, and they’re still with us.

It’s so hard to get frightening news.  And it’s also so hard to know someone you love just got that news.  But now’s when you channel your fear into something helpful.  Like listening, really listening when they need it most.  Giving them the opportunity to be sad, be angry, be profane or anything else they choose.

A friend who was over 80 died a few weeks ago.  She was truly an amazing person her whole life, overcoming the suicide of a brother and a daughter.  She was intelligent and talented.  A published author and accomplished musician.  She embraced the challenges of learning technology that was barely a dream when she was born. She never stopped growing.  And she didn’t let her pain stop her.

What I liked most about her was she was fully human. I think we forget how to do that sometimes…to just be.  To know that who we are is enough. We can learn and refine and strengthen and enhance, but in the end, who we are is who we are.  And it wasn’t a mistake (unless we use our skills to hurt others).

And maybe most importantly, we can use our humanity to be there for someone else in crisis…someone who shouldn’t have to be any braver, any calmer, or any nicer than they feel.  Because we love them.  And because they are us.  And because they might be needing us to let things get messy.  Listen to Fred Rogers (Mr. Rogers):

“Confronting our feelings and giving them appropriate expression always takes strength, not weakness…. It takes strength to face our sadness and to grieve and to let our grief and our anger flow in tears when they need to. It takes strength to talk about our feelings and to reach out for help and comfort when we need it.”

We’re all aging. We’re all going to die (it always amazes me how many people really think they won’t.) We all have limited time.  So maybe now’s the time to turn back to the basics…the skills you first learned.

Hold hands when you cross the street.

Be nice to your neighbor.

Brush your teeth.

Take naps.

Be kind to animals.

Love from the heart. We’re all on a journey…a journey that I believe leads somewhere glorious…and it’s good to remember that how we help one another along the way really does matter.

 

“It always helps to have people we love beside us when we have to do difficult things in life.”

Mr. Rogers

 

Retiring or rethinking?

02/26/2018 /

Now that you’re getting closer to retirement, or you’ve long since retired, you’ve probably faced the decision about whether you want to work longer, work part-time, try something new, or run as far as you can from anything resembling employment.  Some are more fortunate than others in this regard, and some just aren’t sure.

It’s frustrating to work hard all your life and have in the back of your mind that soon you’ll be taking it easy…at least not punching a clock every day…and then economics change that scenario.  Life is just expensive, no matter whether you stay in your same home, or you dream of moving to a new home by the  ocean or in mountains.  You may have been a saver, but you probably still wish you’d started earlier and saved more.  Or, you could  be like so many people, and only just now have the ability to save anything at all.

It’s the dilemma of the day and it’s only going to get worse. Baby boomers are living longer than previous generations and retiring later. About three in every four Americans plan to work past retirement age and almost two-thirds said they will continue to work part-time. About 10,000  turn 65 each day, yet fewer than half said they expect to retire by 65.

People are working later in life for a number of reasons. They are healthier and have a longer life expectancy than previous generations. They are better educated, which increases their likelihood of staying in the labor force. And changes to Social Security benefits and employee retirement plans, along with the need to save more for retirement, create incentives to keep working.

And whether you want to keep working, or have to, you might be thinking about a change. Maybe even working for yourself.  Data from Bureau of Labor Statistics shows hat workers in older age groups have higher rates of self-employment than do workers in younger groups. Knowledge and resources gained through years of experience may put older workers in a good position to work for themselves. (Just remember this comes with its challenges as well…do your homework!)

Or maybe you’ve spent your career in an office and would love to get into the outdoors. Or perhaps you’re retiring a  teacher and prefer giving tours of a local museum.

Then there are the challenges that come with being over 60 and wanting to be taken seriously by younger co-workers.  Society is prone to dismiss us. Younger workers often don’t even “see”  us, much less take our ideas and expertise seriously.  It often leads to baby boomers doubting themselves, wondering if they are really out of touch and have anything valuable to contribute.

Yet the good news is science is on our side.

Research shows successful older people manage to use their brains differently, and by doing so are doing just as well as younger people. One interpretation is that we boomers and beyond have a larger set of knowledge and thus we can rely on our experience when processing new information.  We use our experience as “filters,” dismissing some new information, but working more efficiently with the information we have and ultimately doing just as well as younger people with more powerful brains.

So, while the young person in the next desk can  run faster, you know the shortcuts…so you might reach the finish line just as fast.

Bottom line?  We aren’t doing things wrong, we are doing them differently. And even better…we score better in social conscientiousness, agreeableness, and emotional stability than do younger people.  This is probably not news to you. Take the cell phone away from some young people and they lose the ability to communicate.  BUT…you better be up on the technology you  need to stay in the game.

So don’t let the headlines scare you…remember you  are a reserve of knowledge, experience and sound common sense earned over a lifetime.

You have value.

Now get out there and rock it!

 

“It’s never too late to do something extraordinary.”

            Anonymous

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