Do you ever feel invisible? Like no one is hearing anything you say, or even noticing you’re there?
I confess I do at times, especially since as a boomer I’m older than so many of the people I come into contact with every day.
I see the part-time salesperson in the clothing store for hopelessly thin and young women sigh a bit when she has to wait on me. I order food at a deli counter and I know the person ringing it up is looking right through me. It’s no my order often gets lost. Am I truly fading away, or does the under-50 world just not want to acknowledge I’m there?
50+ men complain that women not that much younger than them call them “sir”. Few women over a certain age like to hear the word “ma’am” from a handsome waiter who already seems to be humoring them.
Then there’s the type—as a friend of mine says, we’ve all met this person—he/she is much younger, inexperienced in his/her field, yet already magically seems to know so much more than we do and sees no reason to consider that our opinions and guidance are based on actual experience.
And while a person can be proficient at something at only 25, I prefer to rely on the experience of someone aged 55, 65, 75, 85…etc. There’s an internal transformation that takes place with time. It is impossible to explain but it is very real. You just know more about some things, like how to stay cool under pressure and what really matters (and it’s not how many friends you have on Facebook).
(And at the same time, I very much like to be around a younger person who is so savvy about technology, metrics, social media, and more—I enjoy learning what they know, or at least benefitting from their knowledge—as long as they’ll show me the same respect.)
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It’s not always an age difference that brings up these feelings. If you’ve recently made a big change in your life, it’s likely you’re feeling more invisible these days. Suddenly there are new co-workers, new neighbors, new friends…or maybe it’s more a case of having removed yourself from the workforce, a marriage, a destructive situation. It can feel like there’s no barrier between you and the indifference of the world. You’re a baby boomer, putting yourself out there anew all over again. It’s a bit daunting.
I think sometimes we have to sit back and take a breath, and remind ourselves who we are.
We’re not over the hill.
We’re not past our prime.
We’re intelligent. Generous. Helpful. Involved. Curious. Worth knowing and worth listening to…whether it’s our opinions or our advice.
Many of us over 50 are just beginning to hit our most productive strides. Some people will see that and acknowledge it. Some won’t—but does that truly matter?
If there’s a person who never seems to see or hear me, then maybe I need to be around others more. If it’s a room filled with 20-somethings, I just need to remember that when I was that age, I probably couldn’t think clearly enough to take in anyone else’s wisdom anyway. If my client thinks I am too old to do something creative, then I need to knock his/her socks off with my ideas.
And sometimes, it’s a simple matter of standing tall, speaking firmly, making good eye contact and being confident. Hey, we’re baby boomers! We are NOT invisible!
“I am not a has-been. I am a will-be.”
Lauren Bacall
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