Category: We baby boomers (Page 22 of 23)

Why are we telling lies?

02/16/2015 / Laura

There’s lots of talk about the truth lately. Truth in the media. Truth in journalism. Truth in advertising. Truth in so-called reality shows, books, and the such.

When did it get so hard to tell the difference between a lie and the truth?

When did truth have, as one character in a movie said, “versions”?

It was pretty simple when I was a child. You either told the truth, or you were telling a lie. The size of the lie didn’t matter. A lie was a lie was a lie. It meant you had done something wrong, and you were about to be in big trouble.

Because they always found out.

Some people carry lies better than others. You can’t tell by looking at them, although scientists say we can if we look for the right signs. They call it a “microexpression”, usually a 25^th of a second, which is actually concealing the truth. A person lying might get a very fast flash of anger, fear, or jealousy on his or her face. It’s pretty hard to detect, since it happens so fast.

I’ve also heard a liar will blink more. Fidgit more. But one thing they usually do not do is break their glance. They’re happy to look you in the eye and tell a fib.

But that’s not really the issue. What’s amazing is how effortless it is for some to lie. How it becomes easier over time.

How if we tell a lie often enough, we start to believe it is the truth.

Studies say a fifth of social exchanges lasting 10 or more minutes involve at least one lie. Want to spot someone lying about a good hand in poker? Check their feet. Wiggling feet usually means a good hand, while a sudden freeze in the feet indicates a bluff. (You can figure out how to explain why you’re looking under the table.)

Have you ever given someone your ideal weight or age, instead of the actual one? Have you ever told a friend her haircut looks great, when you know it’s a disaster?

Ever told your boss or client you’d love to work all night on a project, when secretly you’d rather drown in fire ants?

Is it a lie when you S-T-R-E-T-C-H the truth to avoid hurting someone?

And then there’s the matter of size. Are there big lies and small lies? Do small lies not count as much? (I have a feeling the IRS could weigh in on this.) And of course we lie to ourselves…about our health, our happiness, our disappointments.

I’m usually not surprised when I hear about famous people lying, whether it’s a sports figure, entertainer, or other public figure. And though my roots are in journalism, I’ve lost a lot of respect for the validity of what passes as the news these days. Still, it disappoints me a great deal. Truth and trust go together and when we lose one, the other isn’t far behind.

Maybe this is all part of growing older: growing more skeptical. What do you think? Really?

“If you tell the truth you don’t have to remember anything.”

Mark Twain

Pick up a pencil.

02/12/2015 / Laura

Pencil, anyone?

I confess. I’m a boomer and I love pencils.

I love how they feel in my hand. I love how the aroma of the lead (which is actually graphite). I love being able to erase and start over any time I choose.

Pencils are friendly. Casual. Easygoing. If a pencil was a car, it would be an old Chevy station wagon. Unassuming, yet practical. Modest, yet hard-working.

Johnny Carson used to play with pencils on The Tonight Show that had an eraser on both ends. Henry David Thoreau manufactured pencils. John Steinbeck is said to have started each day with 24 newly sharpened pencils.

We pencil lovers are in the minority these days, at least it feels that way in business meetings. Everyone pulls out their fancy pens and writes silently, while we purists write, erase, and make noise. Somehow, it’s looked down upon, as though you’re not quite as sophisticated as the guy next to you (who is actually writing a note to himself to remember to tape the game later).

It’s really not fair, especially if you are a writer by profession. God knows no one knows more about how things can change than a writer. Maybe it’s our own edits, but usually it’s someone else’s, welcome or not. So we understand the lack of permanence.

Frankly it makes me nervous to write down anything with a pen and ink…it’s so final. So formal. So lacking in imagination.

Pencils have a cooler history than pens. Some say a man in Napoleon’s army is said to have invited the first pencil, though I suspect it was long before that. Man (and Woman) has always wanted to express him/herself, and for sure, change his/her mind as well.

There is actually a Pencil Museum in England. And I must say, they have the coolest website…(click on their “History” tab and scroll down)…clearly a group of people who appreciate all things pencil. The museum traces the birth of the pencil all the way back to graphite being discovered in 1500 and lists 1832 as the first record of a factory in Keswick making pencils.

People boast they can complete the New York Times crossword puzzle in ink.

How lacking in elegance.

A pencil and a crossword puzzle just go together. My mother used to have dozens of 3-inch pencils spread around the kitchen so she could do her morning puzzle while we ate breakfast. Pencils are home. Lunchboxes. Dick and Jane.

Pencil Revolution is a blog devoted to the love and use of pencils. Yes, there’s a community out there. We know we are.

What about you…do you reach for a pen or a pencil? If you are a secret pencil lover, do you proudly show your writing instrument, or reserve it for use only in private?

Don’t be shy, go back to your roots. Pick up a pencil. Roll it in your fingers, smell the graphite, and feel your blood pressure slowly go down. And down. And down….

“Map out your future…but do it in pencil.”

Jon Bon Jovi

Learning new technology.

02/09/2015 / Laura

In the e-book “Better With Age”, retired attorney-turned author John Lefevere spins a tale of a technologically deficient baby boomer fearful of losing his executive position in an upcoming merger. He decides to turn the tables on the younger executives who want him out, and begins secretly educating himself on everything from smartphones to sending tweets and beyond.

What happens next?

Scandal, death, and vindication…just another day in the corporate world! But it brings up an interesting question for anyone of boomer age and beyond:

What do we do when everyone around us seems to be light years ahead in technology—and we need to catch up fast?

Can it be done, especially if we were never tech-savvy to begin with?

Lefevere gives his motivation behind the writing of “Better With Age”: “The impact of losing a job when you are most vulnerable, such as five to ten years from retirement, when you have financial responsibilities can be devastating, particularly if you are in the ‘sandwich’ situation: supporting children/grandchildren and also your parents. The threat of losing the job can be just as stressful, and possibly more so….If you’re not up-to-date digitally, these stresses can increase even more.”

Personally, I know I’ve taken some steps in the right direction, but I also know I’m a dinosaur in many areas. (I can hear a niece and nephew laughing.) I try to keep up with what need to know in my profession, but often hear new terms and lingo and wonder what the heck is that, and do I really need to know?

But often, the answer is yes. I do need to know. I need to do some research, read an industry publication, and/or call on someone a lot smarter than me and get the dirt. I owe that to those I do business with. And I don’t want to be left behind.

But there are some things about which I remain stubborn.

I don’t like the idea of always being reachable by text, email, or a phone call. (Is it really so vital that it needs to be handled this exact instant?)

I don’t like seeing the act of thinking being replaced by a software product that will take care of that for me. (A turn of a phrase…an illustration…an original design…you can’t replace the value of considering how something feels in your gut. That’s what pencils and erasers are for.)

I really don’t like trying to have a meeting, business call, or working luncheon and know that everyone is playing with their devices while we’re supposed to be sharing ideas and information. (Doing one thing at a time really does bring better results, you whippersnappers!)

Still, if you are faced with the stress of being unable to keep up in your profession, it can feel overwhelming. What’s good to know is that you can keep learning, no matter your age.

Most of us older adults learn best with one-on-one, hands-on teaching. We like to learn things in small bites. I confess I’ve always been this way…show me, let me try it, and don’t give me 20 new things at once.

Chances are, you already know more than you think you do…you may drive with a GPS in your car. Check the stock market on your smartphone. See your grandbaby over Skype. Play computer games.

So maybe it’s taking an adult education course, either in person or online. Reading some computer magazines. Spending a few hours in the library. Meeting with someone willing to walk you through some new technological opportunities.

Lefevere has this message for boomers: “You cannot let age discrimination and/or falling behind digitally force you out of the workplace. Don’t ever give up. There are benefits in terms of knowledge and experience that make you ‘Better With Age.'”

You can do it. And of course, as the older and wiser person in the scenario, you can be a great example to a younger person of the value of listening, thinking, and working hard.

“Everybody gets so much information all day long that they lose their common sense.”

Gertrude Stein

Who are your heroes?

01/26/2015 / Laura

I heard someone say the other day they wondered who the “younger generation” considers heroes. Assuming this person was talking about people in their 20s and 30s, I have no idea, but I’m hoping the list includes someone other than the cast of Entertainment Tonight.

It got me to thinking about the people I looked up to when I was very young. For sure, the Mercury astronauts were men who embodied raw courage to me. I ate up the space program, and longed to see the launch of a space flight in person. That never happened, but I’ve never lost my passion for it. I really could put every astronaut since on that list.

Helen Keller was also a figure that filled me with awe. I remember learning about her and reading her autobiography and just marveling at how she could break through the darkness and achieve so much.

Dr. Albert Schweitzer was an inspiring hero. It all sounded so mysterious and brave, to choose that life and help others as he did. To me, he defined the term “humanitarian”.

Entertainment-wise, I was a devotee of Roy Rogers. And it wasn’t because of the white hat or beautiful Trigger, it was how nice and gentle he seemed. He didn’t get snarky. He didn’t yell. He didn’t belittle those around him. He just went about doing good and being polite, without ever getting too much dust on his western shirt.

I mean, really, what’s not to like?

Over the years, (and leaving religious figures and family members out of just for simplicity’s sake), I would add other names of this list: Anwar Sadat. John Muir. Henri Nouwen. Madeleine Albright. Doctors Without Borders.

And some that I simply admire a deal for their tenacity at spreading knowledge like Neil DeGrasse Tyson. Steve Jobs.

For sheer guts and class, Jackie Robinson.

I know I’ve forgotten some that I consider heroic, but I’m not talking about people I just think are nice or talented. I mean someone who really makes you pause and consider what life would have been like without their contribution. Of course people who risk their lives daily to protect or heal others all have the stuff of heroism, and for that, I am eternally grateful. Police, first responders, firemen.

Soldiers, sailors, marines, and those in the Air Force. On a recent trip to Washington, D.C., I visited the memorials for the Vietnam War, World War II and Korean War, as well as Arlington National Cemetery. Shrines to the ultimate definition of the word “hero”.

Then there’s the doctor treating Ebola. The father who lies across his toddler as a tornado passes overhead. The mother that pulls a teenager from a burning car. The average citizen who stops a gunman from entering a school.

Maybe deep inside us, we all have what it takes to be a hero, though most of us will only perform small acts in our daily lives. Still, they matter.

Who were your heroes? Do you have new ones? Do you think it’s important to have heroes?

“We do not have to become heroes overnight. Just a step at a time, meeting each thing that comes up … discovering we have the strength to stare it down.”

Eleanor Roosevelt