Category: We baby boomers (Page 19 of 23)

Taking up golf again

06/08/2015 / Laura

As boomers we often find ourselves either with more time to pursue hobbies old and new, or we get this insatiable urge to do the things we’ve never done. Or re-learn all the things we tried many, many years ago. The consequences of this can be painful. Entertaining. Hysterical.

And in some cases, downright dangerous.

Some suddenly decide it’s time to zip line. Or rollerblade (please remember the helmet). Others play it safe and start a walking regimen, or settle for something tamer like cleaning out the garage. (Even that can have its risks.)

Me, I decided to once again “take up” golf. Not sure what “take up” means…but in my case, it could be an accurate description of what happens to the driving range turf when I hit fat. I had let 20 years pass since I had been on a real golf course, and at least a few since I had stepped on a driving range. I was nervous and self-conscious. I can report that I did not injure anyone, either standing near me or in the parking lot.

I actually even made contact with the ball a few times.

Gosh, Arnold Palmer (my all-time favorite golfer) sure made it look easy.

Then a friend suggested we take a few golf lessons together with a course professional. Wow, what a difference it makes to actually hear directions from someone who knows what they are doing. He told me what I needed to hear: head down, stay on the balls of my feet, follow through, and so on. In fact, I had so much good info in my brain that I found it difficult to take a step. But I started to absorb it….concentrate, practice, and build that famous muscle memory.

Of course some days you can’t do anything right.

You hit fat and kill the grass.

You pull your head up too soon and miss everything, sure everyone on the driving range line is watching and thinking, “Isn’t that sad. She didn’t seem that uncoordinated.”

You grip the club tighter and get tense and then you do hit the ball…sideways. (Fore!)

Yet, you persevere. And when you actually put it all together and hit the ball correctly…and it goes up and out and straight and right into that bright blue sky…don’t you feel proud to be alive! Why, this game isn’t so hard! What was I so afraid of?

Until your next swing, when once again, you are rearranging the ground below you.

Turns out I thought had always been playing (!) with women’s clubs, but I was informed they were way heavier than modern women’s clubs, and in fact, might even have been men’s clubs. So I ventured out for new ones…nothing fancy, just a decent set that is light and made for women. This will really help my game, I thought. Then I tried them, and first time, couldn’t hit worth a dang. My excuse was I had a cold and didn’t feel good.

Like anything, golf comes with attachments. Does your bag have a stand? Do you have covers for your woods? Do you have a cart to roll your bag around? Did you remember to get tees and balls? Are there enough pockets in your bag for water, a jacket, keys, and a towel? (They say the towel is to wipe off your clubs. I think it’s for wiping your tears away.)

One thing is for sure: usually, no one is watching. No one cares how bad you are. No one is laughing when your ball goes three feet. As long as you play fast and get out of their way, they don’t care if you kill a duck with your drive.

I wish I was better. But I’m still enjoying getting up to speed. And I think being a baby boomer gives me a big advantage: I’m just out there for fun, because despite what Mark Twain said, I think golf is a great way to breathe some outside air, feel the breeze, and just think about only one thing. Or is that five things. I forget.

And I don’t need a helmet.

“I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyone’s golf game: it’s called an eraser.”

Arnold Palmer

Are you a collector?

06/01/2015 / Laura

Why do we collect things?

We baby boomers and beyond love to have collections. Maybe we think it’s going to be worth a whole lot of money today. Or we really enjoy looking at magazine covers that span 50 years.

Or maybe it’s just fun. That’s a good enough reason for me.

Freud probably has another theory. But let’s not go there. And I’m not talking about hoarding, when the inability to throw something away begins to destroy lives.

I’m just talking collecting. Just about all of us do it, and in many cases, we began as children.

Did you have a big stack of comic books? Were you waiting at the store when the next Hot Wheels car came out? Do you have every concert poster from the Grateful Dead tours?

Do you secretly tape every episode of Antiques Roadshow to see if that missing piece of memorabilia you’ve been hunting forever shows up?

I think some of the things we collect take us back in time, bringing up pleasant memories of people and events we want to keep alive. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to remember how good it felt to hear your favorite band live the first time. Or be drawn to war memorabilia that still feels familiar after many years. Or maybe it’s a pattern of china that takes you back to when Mom set the table for special occasions.

It’s interesting to walk into one home and see several collections of figurines, model cars, or rare books…and then go next door and see no collections of any kind. Maybe the people who live in the Spartan home just do a better job of hiding their collections. Or maybe buying more than one of something sparks too much guilt in them and they can’t do it.

Animals collect too. Rats. Magpies. Even dogs know where their favorite chew bones are located. Cats…well, I think cats collect people. But that’s another story

Humans still win the prize for collecting the weirdest things, and no, I’m not going to list some of them. You are online; you can indulge your need to know the creepy.

The American Philatelic Society says that shortly after adhesive postage stamps were introduced by Great Britain in 1840, people began to collect them. I did this as a child. It was a great way to spend the time, and an easy way to learn the countries of the world as well as their leaders, often shown on the stamps. I still find it interesting that for so many years, stamps from even the tiniest nations were adorned in bright colors, with flowers, animals, and people on them. While American stamps were plain, unexciting and predictable.

That all changed eventually, but for many years, the U.S. won the award for boring.

As for the rich and/or famous, rumor has it Tom Hanks collects typewriters. Jan Leno of course collects cars and motorcycles. John Quincy Adams collected coins. Musician Rod Stewart is said to be crazy about model trains.

Today, I like finding original Russell Wright plates, bowls, and cups. I have a hiking hat with pins for every state in which I’ve hiked. I still pick up LPs now and then. I confess I don’t have a major serious collection of anything, though I’m related to someone who does, and all her collections give her great joy.

Great collectors love to see each other’s collections. You can go to museums, galleries, and libraries. Or you can go online to sites like The Museum of Ridiculously Interesting Things to see what you’ve been missing.

In his wonderful poem Hector The Collector, Shel Silverstein captures the allure of collecting:

Hector the Collector
Collected bits of string,
Collected dolls with broken heads
And rusty bells that would not ring. Bent-up nails and ice-cream sticks,
Twists of wires, worn-out tires,
Paper bags and broken bricks.
Old chipped vases, half shoelaces,
Gatlin’ guns that wouldn’t shoot,
Leaky boasts that wouldn’t float
And stopped-up horns that wouldn’t toot. Butter knives that had no handles,
Copper keys that fit no locks
Rings that were too small for fingers,
Dried-up leaves and patched-up socks.
Worn-out belts that had no buckles,
‘Lectric trains that had no tracks,
Airplane models, broken bottles,
Three-legged chairs and cups with cracks.
Hector the Collector
Loved these things with all his soul–
Loved them more then shining diamonds,
Loved them more then glistenin’ gold.
Hector called to all the people,
‘Come and share my treasure trunk!’
And all the silly sightless people
Came and looked … and called it junk.

As in anything, it’s all in the eyes of the beholder…if it brings you joy, it’s your treasure.

“There are many things in life that will catch your eye, but only a few will catch your heart. Pursue those.”

Unknown

Meeting elder loved ones where they are .

05/25/2015 / Laura

The world is changing in every way. Yet while many of us are faced with the same challenges as before, it can just feel much harder when you feel confined within four walls. Living with or taking care of someone with dementia or other cognitive issues is never easy, especially now.

And often it’s even harder: not being able to visit a loved one due to a lockdown of a community. Or, attempting to have a conversation through a glass window or door.

When we love someone, and we see her or him slipping away from us (physically or mentally), it can be so hard. It can leave you feeling helpless, and often, angry.

If your mother or father ever suffered or suffers from Alzheimer’s or dementia, you know how hard it can be to have conversations. Their reality is not the same as yours, and the challenge of trying to adjust to that on the spot can be hard for many adult children. And if your visits are currently limited to a wave from outdoors, the guilt and frustration can be overwhelming.

When my mother’s mind began to fade, she was convinced another woman lived in the house and the clothes in a particular closet were evidence of this. She also would become angry and want to know why I had not come home from school on time (I was fully grown). Many times, she was convinced she saw her mother in the room (her mother had died many, many years before).

It hurt and confused my father, and could make him angry. It frightened some people. And while it could break my heart, I learned a very valuable lesson about communicating with someone with memory challenges..

Don’t argue.

It’s hard for many adult children to accept this. They feel it’s their duty to correct Dad when he says he has to get back with the squadron before it takes off. Or remind Mom that Dad is no longer alive and she shouldn’t set an extra place for him. Or stubbornly demand a parent remember everything correctly when the simple medical fact is, they can’t. You do. But they don’t.

If all your mother or father has left is the life they live in their minds, because physically they can no longer garden, run, travel, cook, or repair the car, let them have those moments of peace. And if your parent is upset about something that just isn’t true (such as how he or she needs to go the bus stop right now and go home), instead of arguing, why not just redirect the conversation into a pleasant memory or topic.

Things change for all of us as we grow older. For someone with dementia, the changes are frightening and lonely. I have watched a lot of futile arguments and the results are everyone is miserable. But when you can just go with the flow, nod your head and smile, and redirect the topic of conversation, things go much better.

Because I believe even as our minds go, one very important thing still is true: we all want to be heard.

Alzheimer’s Association offers this advice for helping your loved one communicate:

Be patient and supportive. Let your loved one know you’re listening, show you care about what he or she is saying, and don’t interrupt.
Offer comfort and reassurance. If they can’t communicate, let them know it’s okay.
Avoid criticizing or correcting. Instead, try to find the meaning of what was said.
Avoid arguing. Even if you don’t agree with what was just said, let it go. Arguing just increases agitation.
Encourage unspoken communication. Ask your loved one if they can point, or gesture, if they are having trouble communicating.
Limit distractions. Try to have your visit in a quiet place so he or she can focus on what they are trying to say.
Focus on feelings, not facts. It’s the emotions that count, not the facts.

Of course trying to do some of these things through a window of an assisted living or memory care community is even harder. But there are some tips from experts on how to stay in touch during these difficult times.

If your loved one can communicate by phone, try to keep a regular schedule for your calls. Same for visits…if every Tuesday at 10 a.m. is a good time, put it on your calendar and let your parent’s caregivers know that’s when you’ll be there. Drop off letters and packages…get the grandchildren involved in making something your loved one can put on the wall or keep to remind them of you. Frame a fun photo. (Do remember to follow cleaning tips with everything you make and deliver. ) Make use of online chats if possible.

Easier said than done I know. But remember you are not alone. Check out caregiver support groups online or talk to a friend or spouse. Even in these times, help is out there if you look for it. Go for a walk and let yourself relax. Take care of yourself as much as you can, and maybe you’ll find it a bit easier to meet your loved ones where they are.

“The first duty of love is to listen.”

Paul Tillich

Wild and precious life.

05/04/2015 / Laura

Remember being a child and lying in soft green grass…looking up at clouds as they lazily drifted by…making necklaces out of clover…playing softball with makeshift bases…waiting for the ice cream truck to come by on a hot afternoon…drinking water out of the garden hose….really taking in the joy of summer, or any other day…the sights, aromas, sounds, feelings.

Long before we all learned how to be more “efficient” with our time.

Maybe it’s good to occasionally go back to those days.

Become a swan. Or a grasshopper.

It’s good to be alive. It’s good to be older. And maybe sometimes best of all, it’s good to just be. To, as poet Mary Oliver says, “know how to be idle.”

Otherwise just think of what we are missing.

The Summer Day

by Mary Oliver

“Who made the world?

Who made the swan, and the black bear?

Who made the grasshopper?

This grasshopper, I mean-

the one who has flung herself out of the grass,

the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,

who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down-

who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.

Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.

Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.

I don’t know exactly what a prayer is.

I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down

into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,

how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,

which is what I have been doing all day.

Tell me, what else should I have done?

Doesn’t everything die at last, and too soon?

Tell me, what is it you plan to do

with your one wild and precious life?”

As boomers and beyond, we understand more than ever how valuable life is, and how fragile. How friends leave us. How grandchildren and nieces and nephews grow up so fast. How pets age as well and remind us we’re not so young anymore. In some ways it seems like forever since we played hopskotch or hide-and-seek in the evenings. But in other ways, it feels like yesterday.

One of the best-selling books right now is a coloring book for adults. What bliss! If you don’t believe me, go buy a new set of crayons. Open the box. Close your eyes and sniff.

Tell me that doesn’t take you back to a part of you that’s been quiet a long, long time. So go ahead. Be a grasshopper. Lie in the grass. And by all means, color outside the lines.

****(And gentle friends, in the spirit of being creative as well as efficient with your time, you may be relieved to know that RockTheWrinkle.com will now be updated weekly (as opposed to 2x a week) unless the spirit moves me otherwise. Get out there and enjoy the season!)