Category: Uncategorized (Page 13 of 39)

It’s everywhere. You stop at a drive-through window and can’t quite hear what is being said, and then the body-less voice curtly informs you she’s already given you your total.

You enter a business 20 minutes after it’s opened only to be told in a brusque tone, “You’ll have to wait before I can do anything. You know we just opened.”

You try to say good morning to the mail delivery person who, never looking up from her phone, barely grunts a response. (All as he or she is depositing your mail in your next-door neighbor’s box.)

Why is everyone so rude? It’s become so rare to have a positive customer service experience that when we do, we tell everyone we know…and they are usually as amazed as we are. The rule used to be that if you have a good experience, you tell 3 or 4 people. But if you have a bad experience, you tell about 15 people, who usually turn around and tell a few more. So you can see the value of good customer service.

But these days, it’s so rare to have a friendly encounter, the rule seems to have flopped….you’ll tell anyone who will listen!

And of course it’s not just customer service. It’s on the internet. In the classrooms. Behind the wheel. And most disgustingly of all, in politics. The days of senators passionately disagreeing with one another in a debate, and then meeting later for a cocktail or dinner to share a friendship, seem long gone. Today’s it ugly. It’s heated. And right from the very top, it’s quite often vulgar.

There’s a word I used to wonder about when I was a kid. Vulgar. Just the sound of it was bad. Yet nowadays, it’s more common than not.

I know most baby boomers were raised by people who did not speak this way, or at least, not in public. You certainly didn’t speak to your teachers or professors with such disrespect. And it’s also not fair to label this as just a generational thing, as we see every day, it’s every age.

It’s just a shame. It’s so much easier to take a breath and say thank you. Or you’re welcome. Or excuse me. Or sorry, my fault. Or even, you’re right.

Maybe we can’t change the world. But maybe, we can each change our world, one experience at a time. Maybe when someone is rude, we can muster up our inner wise child and smile even broader. We can be even nicer. It’s not easy, but it might give the other person a reason to re-consider the moment.

Because no matter how old we are, we’re all kids inside…often scared, lonely, lost, missing someone who isn’t here. Instead of fanning the flames, let’s douse some of the anger with kindness.

Civility. It could be the next great comeback.

“Three things in human life are important: the first is to be kind. The second is to be kind. And the third is to be kind.” Henry James

A volatile situation is about to erupt…in the office, the parking lot, a dining room or anywhere emotions are high.  Who is more likely to turn down the volume and find a peaceful compromise:  the young savvy techie, or the gray-haired retired businessman?

“It turns out that managing emotions is a skill in itself, one that takes many of us decades to master. For a study published this year, German researchers had people play a gambling game meant to induce regret. Unlike 20-somethings, those in their 60s didn’t agonize over losing, and they were less likely to try to redeem their loss by later taking big risks.”  (Smithsonian.com)

Isn’t that great news?  Science is revealing that, unlike our younger cohorts, as we boomers continue to age, we become better at handling conflict.  We consider different points of view and know how to compromise.

That probably isn’t a big surprise to you if you are 50+.  You’ve probably been in situations where younger men and women are angry or frustrated about something that you also find disturbing, but you’re a bit slower to stamp your foot. Sure, sometimes we’re worn out because let’s face it, chances are we’ve seen it before.

But most of the time, it’s because we’ve earned our patience right along with our wrinkles.

What’s really great about all this is how much happier we are, for the most part, after the age of 50. We start to actually enjoy each day for what it is.  We let mistakes go and don’t obsess as much about what we’ll do next. 

And there’s more to celebrate about aging.  Outsideonline.com offers this:

“A study conducted by MIT in conjunction with the U.S. Census Bureau, analyzed 2.7 million people who started companies between 2007 and 2014 and found that among the fastest growing tech companies, the average founder was 45 years-old at the time of founding.  They also found that a 50-year-old is twice as likely to have a massive success than a 30-year-old.”

Woohoo!

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Think of sports.  Sure, a young, nimble, strong body is invaluable in any sport.  But so is wisdom.  Patience.  Knowing how to use the clock.  Reading a team’s defense.  Understanding how to psych out your opponent. Being able to come back after falling behind.  It’s why so many world-class athletes truly hit their stride well-past what some might consider their “prime” time.

Chances are, you’ve experienced that feeling…where your years of experience and knowledge come together and you know how to solve the problem—to “win” the situation.

Getting older is good on many levels.  And of course, so is being young. And what’s ironic is how we all tend to look at each other in ways that aren’t quite correct.  Young people fear aging (memory loss, illness, no sexual interest).  Then they age, and realize that not everyone goes through that, yet they also discover that aging doesn’t necessarily mean you have the time and resources to travel, volunteer or start new hobbies. And how many people really get that gold watch when they retire?

Everyone ages in his or her own unique way. But we can celebrate that we have skills and talents that have to be earned over time. 

Let’s use our power to do good in the world. Because it sure could use it.   

“The longer I live, the more beautiful life becomes.”

           Frank Lloyd Wright

It’s that day again. The one that usually makes us feel left out. Even if we’re in a happy relationship. Even if we have a cute girlfriend or handsome boyfriend and we’re going out for a nice dinner and later we’ll have truffles and hold hands.

Does anyone really do this? If so, congratulations. I don’t think we’ve met.

For most, Valentine’s is a non-starter. We watch the jewelry commercials and compare ourselves, and mostly come out short. We see a chick flick and watch couples end up together and everybody looks like Diane Lane and Viggo Mortensen. And then we come home and our dogs greet us with real kisses.

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It’s all okay. Each of us finds our way to happiness, and great if that means you have a wonderful partner. Single people aren’t jealous or sad, single people are just single people. Boomers are often in this category, whether through divorce, death of a spouse or simply never finding the right person.

It’s tempting to feel like the odd person out when all around you the world seems to worship the movie version of love, as well as youth. Even science loves to point out how when you fall in love, your body releases the feel-good hormones of dopamine and oxytocin.

But here’s the good news: So does exercise.

So does holding someone’s hand or hugging someone.

So does volunteering or doing any good deed for someone.

So does petting your cat or dog.

Joyful moments are good for us, even when we’re not jumping into a reflecting pool and “sharing the fantasy” as Chanel used to urge.

And boomers often have learned a valuable lesson: you can be with the most spectacular person in the world and still be lonely. Just as you can be the only human for 500 miles and feel perfectly connected to the universe.

Strange, isn’t it?

Like Woody Allen says in Annie Hall when asked why we keep going through romantic struggles, “We need the eggs.” But then, sometimes it might be better to be sure we love ourselves as well. Sometimes really taking care of who we are, and honoring our quirks, our extra pounds, our receding hairlines and our wrinkles is more of a real romance.

Love really is all around us. It’s in how beautiful the stars look at night. How soft the fur is on a kitten. How the view from a mountain trail fills us with awe. The giggle of a baby. The peace of mind knowing we are a precious, unique light in the universe and we will never stop shining.

So maybe we can all celebrate Valentine’s, or at least not let it make us feel less than. So go ahead, have a heart. (Make mine dark chocolate).

The past is behind us, love is in front and all around us.

Terri Guillemets