Category: Uncategorized (Page 10 of 39)

You retired. Now who are you?

11/06/2019 /

You’ve worked hard. Very hard. You’ve worked so hard for so many years that it’s how you define yourself. You see familiar faces every day, follow a familiar routine, and relate to the world based on what is expected of you. There’s a peace in this. A safe comfort.

Your goal: to retire eventually and really “start enjoying life.” You long to sleep past the alarm, have that second cup of coffee on the deck, plan your day as you wish or have no plan at all.

It all sounds divine.

And then it happens.

And you feel lost.

No one is expecting you each morning. You are free to do or not do as you please. Your “title” is how you were once known. There’s no friendly chatter in the break room or office parties at the holidays.

You’re not even sure what you’re supposed to do now…or who you are.

Freedom is scary sometimes. It’s easy to forget how it felt all those years ago when you took a chance on a job, or moved to a new city, or took a deep breath and went it to the boss and said give me a raise or I’m history. You did it then. You forged your path and created your persona.

And you can do it again. Because now, all the noise and chatter and burden of what others expect from you is fading away…and your spirit is free to guide you.

If that sounds all touchy feely, think about it. This might be the first opportunity you’ve had to really see what’s inside…is there a creative voice waiting to express something? Is there a cheerful volunteer looking to help others? Is there an adventurous soul who is ready for that bicycle trip to Europe?

And when it comes to age, sure, you’re older. But good news: it might mean you’re even better! The New England Journal of Medicine says, “…abilities requiring expertise and experience, verbal knowledge, executive functioning, and complex problem solving—the components of wisdom—don’t peak until our 70s. As compared with younger people, older people report having significantly less stress and worry and significantly more happiness and life satisfaction.”

How’s that for a boost? You really are getting better!

So retire with pride. With gusto. With the understanding that it might feel odd for a bit, and you might feel lost, but the path is waiting for you. And you soon will be ready to go places you’ve never before imagined.

And if your “path” is simply a quieter way of life, that’s okay because that is what is right for you. No more rush hour madness. No pressure to dress “corporate.” No having to ignore the rudeness of a supervisor. That person you’ve always been deep down inside no longer has to bend and twist to conform to company policy.

Now, you’re the boss of you. (At least in theory!) So give yourself a raise! A raise in happiness. In spontaneous moments of fun. In making a difference in someone else’s life. In trying something new or going back to something you loved long ago.

And don’t forget the wisdom and experience you have gained is so valuable. When you’re ready, share it with someone younger. It’s your gift to the universe.

Retire from stress, not life. You’ve been promoted!

“Don’t act your age in retirement. Act like the inner young person you have always been.” – J. A. West

What scares you?

10/28/2019 /

It’s Halloween.  Ghosts.  Goblins.  And lots and lots of fun-size candy sitting on your counter just daring you to stick to your diet.

Great for kids, and aficionados of the classic horror films.  Fun for adults who like to decorate their homes into eerie places that give trick-or-treaters a thrill.

But you know what’s really scary?

What goes on every day. Fears of gun violence no matter where you go on a sunny Saturday.  Health insurance premiums skyrocketing.  Bigotry, white supremacy and incessant name-calling grabbing center stage.  Crazy people in power encouraging lies, revenge and insults to ignite frightening results.

And what seems to be a general ho-hum reaction to most of it—or what’s even worse, a weariness that results in inertia.

Why aren’t more people upset that the planet is suffering from our abuse?  That children are taken from their mothers and walls are built to keep out people while the privileged just get more?  That bullying seems to ongoing with no end in sight?

It’s terrifying.

Maybe some are afraid to admit they are afraid.  

Maybe some figure that’s just the way it is.

Maybe some are so used to it all they figure someone else will fix it.

Maybe some think they can’t do anything.

But we can.

Even if you never leave your home, you can do a lot.  You can make your voice heard.  You can decry meanness.  You can shine the flashlight on off-color jokes and inappropriate behavior in mixed company.  You can not laugh when someone you’ve known for years tells a repugnant joke.

You can send out positive thoughts and not buy in to the garbage.

So much negative energy comes in through our televisions, computers, phones and more. It’s enough to make you put a piece of foil on your head and hide under a rug.

But don’t.

Be true to your heart.  To the spirit of good, of light, of redemption.  Get out your hippie t-shirt from the 60s and wear it while you do housework.  Be the ripple in the pond that goes out to the universe.

We boomers have lived through a lot of war, anger, bad politics and more.  We know how to change minds.  How to be heard.  And while we may not be able to participate in a 3-day sit in (we’d never be able to get up), we can do our part to not let so much junk invade our lives.  And not let the uncivilized talk go unchecked.

Here’s to some positive energy…and to turning down the volume on what others think we want to hear.

“Come on people now, smile on your brother, everybody get together, try to love one another right now.”

       Chet Powers

Boomers know what life is. And isn’t.

10/02/2019 /

Life is not about the trending fashion. The latest catch phrase. The cute cat video that pops up every 5 minutes.

Life is not how much money you make. Or how you display that with the biggest house, fanciest car, grandest vacation or sparkling gold bracelets.

It’s not who you know.

Where you studied.

Which team you played on.

Life is messy. Unshaven. Interruptive. Inconvenient.

Life is a friend’s house burning to the ground in the middle of the night. Life is someone you love getting a very bad diagnosis and being very scared. It’s sitting up at 3 a.m. wondering how you’re going to put food on the table and also pay a sky-high medical bill. It’s a disabled Veteran in pain spending hours just trying to see a physician.

It isn’t how many likes you get on Facebook.

It isn’t being seen in the hippest new nightspot.

It isn’t parking your gigantic vehicle as close to the door of a business so everyone can see it (and have to walk around it).

It’s remembering that sweet neighbor who now lives in assisted living with no one to visit her or tell her happy birthday. It’s pushing your lawn mower a few yards down the street to cut the grass for someone you don’t know. It’s taking extra flowers with you to a cemetery so you can put some on long-forgotten graves of strangers.

But sometimes, life is also about standing still. Quiet. Taking a breath and not getting even when someone is surprisingly rude to you.

The world around us isn’t very gentle these days. The loudest voices are those who scream their views, who shake their fists, who forget that none of that helps. Too much information. Not enough asking questions, investigating the source, ascertaining the truth.

There’s a disturbing rudeness to the dialog that demeans us all.

We boomers must know better—or at least we should. We’ve seen just about everything in our lives, and we’ve come through it all. For sure we’ve learned that flash and glitz and riches don’t make the tiniest difference when life really happens…when it hurts, disappoints, terrifies or just seems to be moving on without us.

Surely over the years we’ve also learned that listening…really hearing and absorbing what is going on, what is being said or even what is not being said, is much more important than our clever response.

Everyone has a choice about how they go through life, who they help, what they spend their money on, how they interact with those around them. But sometimes, all a person can do to honor someone else is to do nothing…at least in that moment.

Be quiet and let them speak. Let them be different. Let them rave if that will help dispel the rage.

Let them be. Let them live and let live.

Will it change the world? Maybe it will just change your corner of the world. But you can be that ripple in the universe, the butterfly’s wings that affect the entire planet. It has to start somewhere.

It could start with you. With all of us baby boomers.

We have the power to do so much.

And sometimes, we find the courage to do the biggest thing we can do for someone—just be there.

“Be happy for this moment. This moment is your life.”

Omar Khayyam

“Keep looking up. That’s the secret of life.” Snoopy

Hiraeth: the longing inside.

09/04/2019 /

Sometimes you feel a distinct restlessness. Like you’re not quite in the right place, as though you’re supposed to be somewhere else, but you’re not sure where.

You feel like you have to get back to something, but don’t know what it is.  Or, is it that you’re supposed to be on your way to something else…but can’t see far enough ahead to guess what it could be?

Maybe things just used to feel better.  Like your life.  Your daily routine.  You had things to look forward to, or at least it seemed that way. It might have been nothing more profound that finally organizing the garage or getting all the family photos catalogued.  But it was something you could get up for and then move on to something better.

And maybe what you are longing for never really existed…except in your mind now, when you’re antsy in the present and some part of you thinks if you could just get back….

It’s funny. Now that you are older, you want to be fueled by a stronger energy, a determination to do some of the much more important things you’ve always dreamed of, such as visiting Italy or learning how to fly fish or hiking the Oregon Trail or finding your true love if you messed that up when you were young.  Yet there are days when just thinking about that is exhausting.

Is there still time?  How would you even start?  Do you have the energy to take on something big?  Where did all the years go? And where is this place you are longing to be?

The Welsh have a word for this.  Hiraeth. It is said there is no true translation of this word, but suggested definitions include a homesickness for a home to which you cannot return.  A home that never was. The grief or sadness for who or what you have lost.

And trying to make “home” feel like home is something that seems easier when you are young.  Because the road ahead is long and full of possibilities.  Who know where you will end up?  Who you might meet along the way? What wonderful things will happen?

Then we get a few years on us and some of the air comes out…ever so slowly.  Not enough to make the balloon come down to the ground, but it’s lower. We instead find comfort in where and what we are.  And there’s nothing wrong with that. Because we learn that life is in the details.

One way to look at the word hiraeth is a longing where your spirit lives…your soul…is it a place you can return to, or just a feeling in your mind that overcomes you when you are doing something specific or with a particular person?  Maybe it’s a feeling that you never have unless you are reminiscing, so even if you returned to a beloved spot, it still wouldn’t give you the same feeling.

Or maybe it always has lived in your imagination, and that’s the only place you can find it now.

We all need hiraeth. We need to have a place, real or imagined, where when we visit there it’s what we need, what makes us feel at home and welcomes all we have become.  For some, it’s a childhood neighborhood where a familiar tire swing still hangs over a brook.  For another, it’s the majesty of the ocean and memories of carefree summer days.  For me, it’s the mountains, with their gentle breezes and peaceful vistas that whisper and soothe.

But I’m also finding it’s something else…something along the lines of “can’t be defined.” As I age, it’s a tug-of-war with being okay with how things are, versus wanting so much to keep learning, exploring and achieving.  To not worry about how many years are ahead but instead consider each step and where I am taking myself right now.

Some days that’s as far as the couch.

Other days, it’s a revved up energy to do as much in one day, week, or month as I possibly can.

Because I’m just not ready to give up what brings me joy.  Maybe I can’t hike as far as I used to, but I can still get out there and be awed by a glorious trail.  Maybe I let a little more dust settle on some things than I once did because I’d rather use my energy for reading a book or walking my dog.

And for sure, I have to be watchful that I don’t let that lazy part of my mind start to convince me that something is only for younger people.

As my mother used to say, bushwa.

Hiraeth has a sadness to it, but it also hints of a joy that can’t ever be taken away. It’s your joy.  Your spirit.  Your life.  Don’t let anyone else’s idea of what that should be get in your way.

If you’re feeling restless, a yearning, or something else strong, listen to it.  You might need to go “home.”

You might already be there.

Or you might have yet to discover where it is.

“Your true home  is in the here and now.”

       Thich Nhat Hanh

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