Smartphones are wonderful, as long as they don’t get smarter than you. Which seems to be a growing trend. You get the phone, and suddenly have to turn on turn on new switches in your brain so you can figure out how to use all the convenient new features that will make your life easier.

At least, that’s the idea.

Recently I became the recipient of yet another new phone, quite by accident. I was simply trying to lower my wireless bill and before the hour-and-a-half conversation with the carrier was over, I was being told my new free phone would be arriving within a few days. What fun! Now I could endure the anxiety of trying to transfer all my data without losing my religion. (Like Gene Wilder in Young Frankenstein when he assembled the body parts to make the monster, complete with the bolt of lightning.)

Once that joyous process was successfully completed, I wondered if I really needed all the apps that are on the phone. And what about all those apps, anyway?  Are they talking to each other?  Are they plotting our demise? Is Siri somehow planning to take over the world?

I decided to leave that to my techie friends to worry about. I opted instead to take my dog for a walk. With my phone, of course. (But at least it was in my pocket, and not in my face. Trust me, on behalf of all dogs everywhere, don’t take them for a walk and stare at your phone.)

We began our walk. And of course, someone approached us with absolutely no clue of how to control their unleashed dog and I made a snide remark (after they walked by, of course). Like always.

Then it hit me.

What are the “apps” inside of me that should be cleared out?

For instance.

• App:  Seriously? Do you own a leash?? My immediate thought when I see a human with an unleashed dog that is ruining everyone else’s walk. Followed by my most scornful look and shaking of my head.

• App:  Get.Out.Of.My.Lane. This app serves two purposes and can only be engaged when driving. It is both vocally expressed, “Get out of my lane you X#%$#.” It also ties in nicely with any health app on the phone that monitors blood pressure and heart rate. Both of mine rise significantly whenever I engage this app.

• App:  While we’re young! Here’s a handy one, it can be used when I’m standing in a line that never moves. Behind someone at a left turn signal who doesn’t move their car when the light turns green, but finally takes off just as it is turning red so I can wait for the next green light. Or when I’m waiting for the buffering to stop on the television during a crucial scene in a program. Another great frustration app.

• App:  Please nothing new.  This is an app I really need to lose, as it is connected to the part of my brain that does not want to learn any new ways of formatting documents, logging in, changing passwords, storing information, accessing clouds, and so on. I need to delete it within myself. Because everything is new every single day and I’m lucky to be here still figuring it all out.

It’s just been such a crazy year again. Feels like the earth is off its axis, and we are going to be flung off of it a lot sooner than we think. So much anger and hatefulness and impatience everywhere. Drivers going 100 mph on city streets and barely missing other cars. Angry consumers taking out their frustrations on exhausted wait staffs and service people. It’s as though adults have come together to throw one collective tantrum.

And I don’t want to be part of that.

So I’m going to be sure when some of the less positive “apps” within me are engaged, I do my best to catch them early enough to hit “delete.” I won’t succeed every time. But I’m going to do my best.

Remember, everyone is exhausted.

Everyone is a little scared.

Everyone is dealing with something inside no one else knows about.

Everyone deserves a right to be alive, to be respected, and to do the best they can. (And if they are truly evil, a greater force will intervene as needed.)  

I’m hoping for a relatively quiet holiday season, with some good tidings thrown in and full connectivity for everyone. Fingers crossed.

“No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.”

Aesop

“How people treat you is their karma. How you react is yours.”

Wayne Dyer

“A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.”

Dave Berry