Category: The good news (Page 8 of 11)

Clothes for 50+: Where are they?

05/02/2016 /

Okay, clothing retailers, listen up.

I don’t care if you create clothing for the office, the beach, the gym, the couch, or any other use…for women or men…you have some explaining to do.

Why is it that an average-sized woman, let’s say a 10 or 12, goes to the store to try and find something and discovers that suddenly, even the extra large does not fit her?

Or a man who is a bit taller than average and maybe has a normal physique plus a few extra pounds finds himself having to check out the big or “hefty” section?

Half frame003bWhere are the clothes that fit us…those of us who are not size 2? Are there really millions of people so pencil-thin they can wear skin-tight clothing and smile?

Odd. I sure don’t see them at the movies.

Or in the grocery store.

Or walking their dogs.

Or in a business meeting.

What I do see is a whole generation of people over 50 who are healthy, active, and yes, probably have a mid-section a bit larger than when they were 25.  Guess what. It happens.

And it’s perfectly okay.

We still need to wear clothes. We’d still like to look nice…attractive…even sexy at times. And we’d like to do it all and still be able to exhale.

So where are we supposed to go for an outfit?

I find it most annoying when I’m trying to find so-called “active wear” that actually lets me be active without passing out from strangulation. You know, loose pants for yoga. Soft, breathable materials for T-shirts that have actual sleeves. Exercise shorts that don’t cut off circulation.

I mean, like many boomers and beyond, I’m trying to tone myself and be stronger…so why are there no clothes that understand this?

Excuse us for living. We’re over 50. We’re a major force when it comes to retail sales.

And we’re getting tired of being ignored.

I have no desire to try and look 25. I don’t have the energy. I celebrate my wrinkles, gray, and extra rolls that come with normal aging. But I also am not ready to cut holes in a gunny sack and head out the door. And sorry, but I know I’m not an extra extra large. And even if I were, I would expect you, Mr. Clothier, to want to help me look as good as I can.  And quite frankly, I think you’re failing.  Because most of the clothes I see that I guess are aimed at me are  either unwearable, or flat-out ugly.

And this whole skinny jeans craze is not a healthy message to women or men….to look so thin that you disappear. To be ashamed you can’t get in a size zero. (Now if you are very thin naturally, or you are struggling with an eating disorder, God bless you. You also deserve to look as good as possible. But that’s not the point here.)

wi9yf7kTQxCNeY72cCY6_Images of Jenny Lace Plasticity Publish (4 of 25)I call upon all the brands….Nike, REI, Liz Claiborne, Charter Club, Everlast, Prana, and others, as well as men’s fashions…don’t ignore us. Don’t ask us to be something we’re not.  Go out on a limb and come up with some “active boomer” clothes….and I don’t mean what June and Ward Cleaver wore. I’m talking comfort.  Style.  And realistic sizes.

Help us want to be seen. So we can exercise. Travel.  Laugh.  Live.  And yes, spend money on your products.

We’re rocking the wrinkle.  You can too.  And you’ll be glad you did.

“Never wear anything that panics the cat.”

     P.J. O’Rourke

Maybe we’re okay as is.

04/04/2016 /

It’s the start of the week, the month, and maybe a brand new season. We can look at it with anticipation and joy, or we can feel overwhelmed and even frightened.

Why can’t we get out of neutral and do the things we keep saying we will do? What if the months pass and we’re still just sitting here? Why does it seem like everyone else is making progress?

But then again, why don’t we boomers and beyond give ourselves a break?

Where is this critical voice coming from—the one that keeps saying we need to improve, to change ourselves, to transform our personalities into a lotus flower?

What if, for a moment, we considered how perfect we really are. What a miracle we are.

Swan_2That maybe what is inside of us is just okay. That instead of hitting ourselves in the head with a block of wood, we should nurture our inner self and celebrate our spirit?

In other words, lighten up.

I like this notion. I like remembering that spirit made me and spirit lives in me. Way before teachers, preachers, or finger-pointers took hold of me, I existed. I shine. I live, breathe, and love. So maybe I’m just okay—without trying to become someone I was never meant to be.

In her book, “The Wisdom of No Escape”, Pema Chodron touches on these thoughts more than once. Her are just a few excerpts of her words:

“Loving kindness doesn’t mean getting rid of anything….we can still be crazy after all these years. We can still be angry after all these years. We can still be timid or jealous or full of feelings of unworthiness. The point is not to try to change our selves. Mediation practice isn’t about throwing ourselves away and becoming something better. It’s about befriending who we are already…if you throw out your neurosis, you also throw out your wisdom. Someone who is very angry also has a lot of energy; that energy is what’s so juicy about him or her…the idea isn’t to try to get rid of your anger, but to make friends with it, to see it clearly with precision and honesty, and also see it with gentleness….”

See it with gentleness. What a nice thought! Turn off the voices that tell you it’s time to develop a new personality. Put down the whip. Think soft instead.

Pema also says:

“Life’s work is to wake up, to let the things that enter into the circle wake you rather than put you to sleep. The only way to do this is to open, be cautious, and develop some sense of sympathy for everything that comes along, to get to know its nature and let it teach you what it will.   It’s going to stick around until you learn your lesson, at any rate. The journey of awakening—the classical journey of the mythical hero or heroine—is one of continually coming up against big challenges and then learning how to soften and open.”

file000143069688We’ve earned a little softness. We’ve endured a lifetime of struggle, pain, happiness, sadness, and just about everything else. So does it really make sense to think we’re doing it all wrong? I don’t think so.

Life is hard. So if we can be gentle, especially with ourselves, that has to be the right path. At least it’s the one I want to take.

“The purpose of life is to increase the warm heart.”

     Dalai Lama

How fast should we go?

03/28/2016 /

The “Low Tire Warning” light came on my car a few days ago. Because I was across town from where I live, I had to keep driving. Nothing felt odd; when I stopped I could not see a problem. So I went on. And later, I ran another errand.

Then I actually sat down and read the owner’s manual, which of course shook its finger at me and said you idiot, you shouldn’t be driving on these tires until they are checked for a nail, slow leak, or the beak of a mynah bird embedded in the treads.

I made the appointment at the tire center, and one morning, I drove my car there. Luckily I only had to go about two miles. But now armed with new caution, I drove more slowly than I normally would.

Translation: I actually went the speed limit.

And the reaction of other drivers was really interesting. Here I am, in the slow lane, going the speed limit. Here they are, puling up behind me so fast they look like they’ve been shot out of a cannon, slamming on their breaks and barely missing me as they pull into the fast lane and hit the gas.

 

Steering Wheel Vintage Ford

 

Now if this was rush hour, or we were on a busy expressway, I would get it. But we are on a quiet residential road, and there wasn’t any traffic. Yet my going the (gasp!) speed limit was clearly an offensive act.

I confess I usually am a bit over the speed limit myself. But I do not tailgate people in the slow lane. I’m not real happy about being behind slow people in the “fast” lane, but I still don’t tailgate. I can’t afford it.

I couldn’t help but wonder where these people were going that fast. What was happening to their blood pressure as they sped past me? What kind of mood did their own aggressive act put them in for the rest of the day?

What is that important?

I’m at a point in my boomer life where I’m looking at the highway stretched before me, and the distance to the end is getting shorter. There aren’t as many exit ramps or scenic overlooks. I worry that I’m missing things.

That I won’t realize when I should go off-road and take a break.

Or see the sights.

Or just get out and stretch.

Because literally, I won’t be passing this way again on the road of life, at least not in this form.

Sometimes those feelings make me go faster. Sometimes they make me slow down. Days go by so fast. Seasons are a blur. In my mind, there’s still all this “time” to do so many things. Yet I’m realizing that’s not really true. If I want to do something, go somewhere, try something new I had better do it now.

It can be very daunting, can’t it? Which path do I take. Which broken relationship do I repair, and which is better left alone. Which new road is worth my time and energy to explore. Like Yoga Berra said, “When you come to a fork in the road, take it.”

So which lane do we get in?   And what about the other “warning” lights?

“Caution:  you just passed up a potential new love.”

“Danger:  put down the candy bar and go to the gym.”

“Beware:  your hair may suddenly make a u-turn.”

Maybe, like my car, we just make stops when we need to, refuel, repair, and keep going.  Because like my very inconsistent GPS, we never really know where the road is leading. There could be a detour just ahead.  But one thing we do know:  it sure feels good to keep going.

“Map out your future’—but do it in pencil.”

     Jon Bon Jovi

Walking Through the Fear.

03/14/2016 /

Nobody like to talk about being scared.  Is that because we don’t think we are supposed to be scared anymore, now that we’re all grown up?

When we were little, it was okay to admit something might be hiding underneath the bed.  Or the Ferris wheel was just a bit too high for our liking.  Or that weird-looking insect that just jumped on our leg made us feel uneasy.

But what about now?  Especially since as boomers and beyond, our fears are usually a whole lot more menacing….

Cancer.  Bankruptcy.  Losing a spouse.  Surgery.  No retirement fund.  Nephews, nieces, and grandchildren serving in combat.  

Dying.

JOd4DPGLThifgf38Lpgj_IMGI doubt if anyone enjoys being scared, but I can’t believe we don’t all share that emotion from time to time.  And it’s sneaky.  We think we’re mad because the traffic is slow, or the dog just ate the newspaper, or our boss just asked us to do the impossible.  When really, deep down, we’re afraid.

Afraid we can’t handle it.  Afraid we’ll look bad.  Afraid we’ll fail.

It always reminds me of the flying monkeys in The Wizard of Oz.  First there’s one.  Then another one shows up.  Then all of a sudden they are everywhere, swooping down and carrying me off to the land of despair.  What began as a simple worry can escalate to global termination if I’m not careful.  Why is that?

I don’t want to give fear that much power over me.  I’m amazed how it can make my stomach queasy.  Give me dry mouth.  Make me feel tense and rigid.  It messes with my mind and my composure.  It’s one thing if you are literally staring at your fear—say, a hungry mountain lion.  But it’s another when you know your mind has latched on to some worry and has inflated it to such levels that you can’t think straight.

So you stop.  Take a breath.  Pray to your guardian angel to lend a hand.

Try not to get on the phone and chew out some unsuspecting telemarketer.

Years ago, I was in Yosemite National Park, and was challenged to walk up a very steep rock (shaped like a giant mound, but high enough to make me nervous).  I’m not a fan of heights.  I can tell myself everything’s okay, but I still feel my heart racing and my stomach talking to me.  But I trudged on, because another person volunteered to hold on…and gave me some advice.  He suggested I just stand still and feel all the fear and let it wrap around me, then take another step, and another.  I did so.

I confess it did help, though I won’t say I’m not scared of heights anymore.  Still, sometimes I call upon that advice when other, more threatening fears appear on the horizon.

87Like waiting on lab test results.  Or wondering if I made a wrong turn when mapping out my life.

Maybe some day I won’t be afraid.  But for now, I’m going to cut myself some slack and hope others do the same for themselves.  Emotions are supposed to be felt.  Even fear is telling us something.

It reminds us we are alive.  And no matter what our age, we’re still very young spirits.

“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by each experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.”

    Eleanor Roosevelt

 

 

 

 

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