Category: The good news (Page 11 of 11)

Leaving the nest—and taking wing.

06/22/2015 / Laura

There’s a hollow gourd hanging on my front porch with a hole in it, making it the perfect choice for a bird couple looking for a cozy, comfortable, fixer-upper and shield against wind and rain.

The first tenants were a precious pair of mountain chickadees who worked furiously to make it theirs…bringing small twigs and grasses and stray balls of animal hair into the hole. Then Nature intervened as it always does, and a feisty wren threw them out, bags and all. I couldn’t figure out why I kept seeing all the twigs all over the floor of my porch. Then I looked up and watched as the tiny wren pushed the furnishings through the hole and peeked out, daring anyone to intervene.

Wrens are cute. Their song is beautiful. But they are not to be messed with.

So in the weeks that followed, things progressed, and soon there was a lot of chirping going on. I occasionally would see Mama wren bring in bits of food to her brood. Very Disneyesque.

Then it got ugly again.

One day, two smaller wrens sat on the rain of my porch squawking endlessly….flapping their tiny wings in pure terror. Looking up, Mama wren was sticking her head out of the hole in the gourd with a fierce look that said, “No room here. Go out on your own. My job’s done.” Each offspring would attempt to fly back into the gourd only have to have Mom promptly shove them off.

Party’s over.

Time to the leave the nest.

Time to get on with your life.

It made me think of how each of us goes through this rite of passage, whether it’s physically leaving home, losing our parents, or just mentally separating and becoming an adult. Some of us spend time as caregivers and the roles get reversed…yet he is still our father, and she is still our mother.

And when they are both gone, it’s quite shocking how different it feels.

No matter what our age is. Suddenly, we’re grown up. As a friend put it, “Now there’s no one between me and the sun.”

Both of my parents are gone, and there are periods of time when I don’t think of them. But there are days when it feels like they are standing right next to me. So many times I’d like to show my Mother something. Or ask my Father for advice. It’s hard.

And I can only imagine how hard it was for them when I left home and became independent.

Cutting ties is what we do (at least most of us). It’s what all of Nature does. It’s not easy, and I don’t think it’s meant to be. Adulthood is hard and you might as well get that message early on.

We all know people who just expect things to go easily, and who seem shocked when they don’t. Then they get resentful. And often, they hold that resentment their entire life. (And everyone they come into contact with pays for it.) So the waiter gets stiffed. The cab driver gets disrespected. The homeless person on the corner gets a dirty look.

As boomers and beyond, we’ve seen so many changes in our lives. We watched Howdy Doody. We saw man go into space. We ate TV dinners. We probably played in the neighborhood after school and didn’t get chauffeured to soccer, recitals, or play dates. We got very excited when the ice cream man came around in the afternoons.

Things are different now. And while we can hold on to our memories, there are some things we might have to let go of. Because as cozy as it might be, we can’t stay in that gourd forever. If we do, we’ll miss out on so much.

I don’t think it’s too late to let your life take wing. In fact, I think now is the perfect time.

Where have you never been, that you yearn to go?

What adventure calls to you?

What have you always wanted to say to a lifelong friend?

As the late motivational speaker and author Leo Buscaglia always used to say, the time is now. Stop waiting for the right moment.

Why not today?

“Don’t brood. Get on with living and loving. You don’t have forever.”

Leo Buscaglia

A Month to Remember

04/30/2015 / Laura

Okay all you wise owls…May is Older Americans Month, and the theme is “Get Into the Act”. The idea is to improve the quality of life for older Americans, promote health aging, increase community involvement and tackle issues that affect seniors.

This May marks the 50th anniversary of the Older Americans Act (OAA), so it’s kind of a big deal. The Act has provided a nationwide aging services network and funding that helps older adults live with dignity in the communities of their choice for as long as possible. These services include home-delivered and congregate meals, caregiver support, community-based assistance, preventive health services, elder abuse prevention, and much more.

Let’s don’t split hairs over which of us falls under the classification of “older”…I think instead, it’s good to focus on the value of all who have life experience, wisdom, political savvy, and the purchasing power to make a difference in our world.

For example, we mentor. Volunteer. Babysit. Lead corporations and run small businesses. Travel the world. Buy cars, go to the movies, attend concerts and plays.

Over the next 30 years, the 65+ population will be the largest segment.
Adults 55-64 continue to outspend the average consumer in nearly every category. Yet AARP reports Americans 50+ are targeted by just 10% of marketing.
Americans 55 and older are the fastest-growing age group among gym members.
One-third of all internet users in the U.S. are over 50.

We matter. And the older and more frail among us deserve our attention and support. That’s why laws like the OAA are so vital. The National Council on Aging reports that over 23 million Americans aged 60 and older are economically insecure. They struggle with rising housing and health care bills, inadequate nutrition, lack of access to transportation, diminished savings and job loss. One third of all senior households has no money left or is in debt after paying additional expenses.

In 2011, an alarming 27% of older adults living in poverty were at risk for hunger.

There are of course many other issues that older Americans are dealing with. We all should be aware of what is happening in our communities…are seniors going without basic needs? Are there programs and services set aside to help? If not, can we lobby for more? Sure we can.

We can email or write members of congress about specific concerns, hands-compassion which can include chronic disease, falls prevention, and elder justice. More personally, we can check on an elderly person who may not have an advocate—are their living conditions safe? Do they need an occasional help with transportation? Could we take a few hours from our weekend to spend time with them?

It’s obvious that we all could be there someday…wondering if anyone sees us, will help us, or even cares. So let’s start now.

“Wherever a man turns he can find someone who needs him.”

Albert Schweitzer

The Road More Traveled

04/20/2015 / Laura

“When I was very young and the urge to be someplace else was on me, I was assured by mature people that maturity would cure this itch. When years described me as mature, the remedy prescribed was middle age. In middle age I was assured that greater age would calm my fever and now that I am fifty-eight perhaps senility will do the job. Nothing has worked. Four hoarse blasts of a ship’s whistle still raise the hair on my neck and set my feet to tapping. The sound of a jet, an engine warming up, even the clopping of shod hooves on pavement brings on the ancient shudder, the dry mouth and vacant eye, the hot palms and the church of stomach high up under the rib cage. In other words, I don’t improve; in further words, once a bum always a bum. I fear the disease is incurable. I set this matter down not to instruct others but to inform myself.” John Steinbeck, opening of “Travels With Charley.”

One of my favorite books. I first read it many many years ago when I was a girl sitting outside on summer days thinking about all the places I had never seen, and how much fun it would be to just travel when I wanted without a care. I always had a kind of wanderlust, maybe because our family moved every few years, or maybe because my soul was just always looking over the horizon.

The need to keep moving, to explore the unknown—do we, as John stated so eloquently, ever really grow out of it?

Or do we just compromise, and tell that part of us to be quiet. That we have to grow up now and be “responsible.”

In “Travels With Charley”, Steinbeck does take off in an old camper he calls Rocinante with his beloved canine companion, Charley. Together the pair really does travel all over and meet all kinds of people. An excerpt:

“You going in that?”

“Sure.”

“Where?”

“All over.”

“And then I saw what I was to see so many times on the journey—a look of longing. “Lord! I wish I could go.”

“You don’t even know where I’m going.”

“I don’t care. I’d like to go anywhere.”

Are we all born with this traveling bug, but many of us lose it over time? I wonder. I never really did, though I didn’t always get to take off on grand adventures. When I finally realized it was time to start seeing the places I longed to see, I did it…and many times I just took of on my own. That really freaked out a lot of people. It still does.

Aren’t you scared? What if something happens? What if you get bored? What if you get lonely? Aren’t you terrified to go somewhere completely new?

Here’s my theory:

A few butterflies in the stomach when you do something new is good for you.
Things can “happen” at any time, no matter how many people are with you.
Traveling isn’t boring for me, unless I’m stuck in an airport terminal for hours and hours.
And loneliness? You’d be amazed how many great conversations and impromptu dinners you can have with people you just met…if you aren’t already with someone at the time.

Fear is a good thing sometimes…it warns us, keeps us alert, can save our lives if we listen. But letting fear tell you that you can’t do something can be very suffocating. Take John Steinbeck. He relates in Travels With Charley that after driving all over the United States, he actually got lost when he tried to get back home. But he found his way.

We boomers and beyond like to travel. We’ve learned to take a larger view of the world. We like new experiences. Maybe that just means driving to a state park you’ve never seen. Or going to an arts festival in a beautiful location. If you want to be alone on a trip, you can be. But if you don’t, you’ll find many opportunities to be around others.

Here’s some stats on how boomers are affecting the travel market from immersionactive.com:

36% of leisure travel is done by mature travelers
60% of American boomers have their passports
80% of boomers want to visit a place they’ve never been before
Baby boomers account for 4 of 5 dollars spent on luxury travel today
On average, older adults will take four trips per year

So hey, if you’ve always wanted to see the Lincoln Memorial, or tour the Baseball Hall of Fame, or dip your toes in the Nile, and you have the means to do it, step through your fear and give it a go. You never know where the road will lead you—and if you get lost, maybe that’s what it takes to find your way home again.