Category: The good news (Page 10 of 11)

Thank You Cory Wells.

I lost someone recently; someone who meant a great deal to me when I was growing up. This person, a fellow boomer,  was a source of joy for me…an escape from some unhappy times that left me feeling unwanted and lost.

Because I felt I could turn to this person, it gave me a sense of hope and acceptance.

And yet, I never met this man.

Growing up is hard. Feeling accepted is not easy. And when you truly are not accepted at school, not part of the in crowd, not one of the attractive inner circle, it can be miserable.

I know.

I walked that path. I didn’t have much hope at the time.

But what I did have was a record player. And my beloved albums and favorite bands…because for me, music was a transport to all that was possible. One band in particular resonated with me.

Three Dog Night. More specifically, Cory Wells. One of the lead singers and the force behind forming the band. The bluesy, deep-voiced talent whose love for the blues and black music permeated his soulful renditions.

He sang from his bones. He was handsome, quick-witted, and an easy smiler. He was married and faithful to his wife and loved his children.

He was, for me, an outlet of my feelings. He was of course a stranger and  way out of my league. I knew that. But it was fun to imagine. And it was wonderful to listen to him sing.

IMG_0826 - Version 2Over the years, as I’ve grown older of course so did he and the band. But instead of fading into obscurity they kept touring, kept entertaining audiences. They didn’t let gray hair and extra pounds keep them from center stage. They didn’t dye their hair and try to dress like a 25-year-old. They just remained who they were.

Did they rock the wrinkle? Oh yes. To put it mildly.

I loved how I could finally see them in smaller venues, be closer to the stage, and in many ways, get to know who they were as people. They joked about moving more slowly. Recalled their memories from so many years ago. Praised new artists.

And Cory stayed (in my opinion) humble and generous. He supported many charities. He was an outdoorsman who loved to fish in his beloved retreat near Lake Erie. He was still happily married after 50 years with children and grandchildren.

I passed on an opportunity to see him and the band a few years ago, at a neighborhood-type festival not far from where I live. I don’t know what kept me away, but I thought I’d have another chance to see them anyway…I knew I wanted to walk up to him sometime, and tell him he made a difference in my life. He got me through some tough times.

You know, just be a human letting another human know he helped someone that he didn’t even know.

But I did not go. And about a month ago, Cory died. It was quick and unexpected. I’m sure his friends and family are in shock. I know I was, and still am.

It’s like a part of me has died as well. A part that takes me back to a painful and also pivotal time; those years when you’re just trying to figure out who you are, and hang on to any thread of hope.

I admit it also angers me how little recognition he got during his lifetime. Critics always wanted to take away from the band’s success because they rarely wrote any of their songs. Instead, they found (then) obscure writers like Elton John, Laura Nyro, Randy Newman and Hoyt Axton and showcased their songs. This led to 12 gold albums and 21 consecutive Billboard Top 40 hits.

No one else has achieved that.

Yet they’re not in the Rock ‘n Roll Hall of Fame. And now, too late, so many are coming forward to praise Cory’s talent. I only hope he can hear it, wherever he is.

He’s still teaching me. To not wait to say the things that matter. To not assume I’ll have another opportunity to do something that could touch another person’s heart. To grab each precious moment and find the harmony.

I picture him on the most beautiful stream imaginable, with a fishing pole in his hand, humming a tune. Cory Wells (Wellsley). Rest in peace.  And thank you.

 

“Music is the medicine of the breaking heart.”

        Leigh Hunt

 

Celebrating (?) self-improvement month.

September is self-improvement month.

Uh oh. That could be trouble. Or it could be lots of fun.

I’d really like to hear from some of you what you might choose as a goal. Or are you thrilled with the way you are? Let us all know.

For me, it’s already started. I recently completely emptied my closet out and started over. Donated, re-organized, cleaned, re-thought. Wow, did that feel good.

But then, that’s my closet. It’s not me.

file641274354480So then, I cleaned out three kitchen drawers. Threw away bizarre gadgets that some alien from outer space must have put there (because I have no memory of them). Emptied, cleaned, re-organized.

So that’s an improvement, right? Oh yeah…. those are drawers. Not me.

Guess I have to really look at myself. Am I too set in my ways? Too easily talked into over-indulging in bad food and good wine? Too ready to curse at a clueless driver?

Check, check, and check. Guess I need to work on that.

And how many times a day do I go out of my way to help another person? To smile at a stranger? To cheerfully assist a client who is giving me a migraine? To not sigh in disgust when I watch a political commercial?

Geesh. Will a month be long enough to tackle these character defects?

What about the good things…maybe this is a great time to learn a new hobby. Make a new friend. Volunteer in a new place. Start a new habit that helps the universe.

As boomers and beyond, we’ve spent a lifetime reading self-improvement books. We were around when Evelyn Wood wanted us to read Shakespeare at 500 mph. And Norman Vincent Peale told us to think positively. We learned how to be our best friend.

We worked out. Tuned in. Dropped out. Came back, with a slight limp.

pad-black-and-whiteEvery night there’s a program on television telling us how to become richer, thinner, and healthier. It’s great, but it can be overwhelming. After all, we’ve already worked our whole lives, raised families, cared for parents, and endured any number of health concerns, tragedies, and heartbreaks.

And now they want us to give up Cheetos and sitting on the couch. Dang.

Instead, why not think about something very small, but very important you could do that would make you feel better about who you are? After all, you deserve to be the best you can—and you deserve to enjoy your life.

You’re older. Wiser. But could you be better? Let us know.   And keep rockin’ those wrinkles!

“You are you.  Now isn’t that pleasant?”

         Dr. Seuss

Let them have their victory.

IMG_0611 - Version 3They say with age, comes wisdom. I believe that’s’ true. But at times, I want to know exactly what kind of wisdom is it that I’m getting more of each year.

Surely it’s more than realizing I can’t remember what I just wrote down on that slip of paper anymore, much less find the paper. Or that jumping off any surface higher than 6 inches is really not a good idea.

Is it wisdom about not being concerned about what everyone thinks about everything I do? That’s a good thing. Or wisdom that tells me what is really important in life, and what is really not? That helps with not wasting my time on superfluous stuff.

But what about the idea that as you grow wiser, you are expected to be kinder, more forgiving, more championing of the successes of others in your boomer & beyond community…even when it really is hard to do?

Stand by and cheer them on. Be glad for their success. Smile and clap at the right moments. It all sounds so Wayne Dyer-esque. It’s good for us. We know this.

But….

When you hear of someone who just suddenly, basically on a whim, accomplishes something you’ve worked your whole life to do, it’s hard. Even if what this person has done isn’t on the scale that you deem acceptable or have set out to do. They took the “easy” road.

You’re still trying to choose the right entrance ramp.

It’s one thing to be glad for them. It’s another to listen to all the accolades others bestow upon this person and not feel your blood boil.

Oh my. Not sounding much like Mother Teresa, are we?

I don’t like having these feelings. I tell myself I’m not jealous, because I don’t think I am. I guess it’s just that feeling of wanting my efforts recognized somehow, or maybe it’s that after a lifetime of working towards something, I don’t want to look up and see that some other person got there first because they bought the app.

Of course it shouldn’t matter. Even Jesus told a parable about the workers in the fields. So it’s clearly none of my business. And maybe I need to wise up and take a few shortcuts myself.

file000143069688But I can’t bring myself to do that. There’s just certain areas of life I hold sacred, and while I expect younger generations (cue the sound of dentures falling out) to take the shorter route to everything (they deserve the find their own and better way)…I get upset when fellow boomers and beyond do it.

Go figure. I still expect us all to play fair and be nice to one another. Which of course means I need to do that as well. Without worrying that someone else just figured out how to get there first.

I’m working on it.

 

“Success is not the key to happiness.  Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful.”

      Albert Schweitzer

 

 

 

 

 

Let’s be honest.

Seriously.  Let’s be honest. Shall we?

Or, as boomers, can we?

I read an article the other day that said baby boomers are not very honest. It claimed we don’t tell the truth about ourselves on online dating sites, or post current photos. We supposedly tell our children and grandchildren, “do as I say, not as I did.”

We don’t volunteer the truth about our age. Our weight. Our marital status.

We fudge on our taxes and fib to our bosses.

And then, the article went on to say, we growl at the younger generations and claim THEY are the ones who don’t act responsibly.

photo-1428263197823-ce6a8620d1e1

Is there really such a divide? After all the years we spent saying not to trust anyone over 30, are we now the ones who can’t tell fact from fiction?

I sometimes wonder what happened to the concept of truth. Cable news survives on reporting false information…hey it was on television, so it must be true. Sports figures use drugs and then can’t recall doing it until they get caught. Authors steal work from others. Executives make up résumés.

Politicians…don’t get me started.

These are people of all ages. Yet I admit I’m probably more disappointed in a public figure over 55 who gets caught lying, cheating, or scamming. Surely we’ve grown up enough to get past the need to distort things. Life is hard enough, why make it even harder by coming up with a fake story you have to remember?

Then there’s the little white lies that maybe aren’t so bad for us. Like not wanting to acknowledge aging or limitations. Not grinning with joy when the kid bagging the groceries says ma’am or sir. Not being content to fade into the background because society says it’s through with us.

Talk to a member of the Generation X (born between 1965 and 1980) and they might give you an earful about us boomers. Like how we are taking their jobs because we won’t gracefully retire. How instead of saving money for retirement, we’re out dancing, taking cruises, and learning to zip line…thus leaving little or no inheritance.  We’re ruining the planet.  Too greedy.  Too self-centered.  We won’t admit we’re older.

shutterstock_139285652Interesting perspective. Yet I’m not sure what we are supposed to do…it would be great if America valued age, wisdom, elders. If people with gray and white hair were sought out for their counsel and opinions and younger people really respected those who have gone before. Unfortunately, I don’t think we are there.

So maybe we’re really teaching the next generations how to keep on living…how to stay viable and healthy and engaged long past the standard expiration date.

What do you think? Are we being honest with ourselves about who we are? Are we denying our age and robbing someone else of an experience? Or are we paving the way for a new attitude about growing older?

I know this: I am a boomer. I feel about 36 inside. And I’m not ready to fade away just yet.

 

“If you do not tell the truth about yourself, you cannot tell it about other people.”

     Virginia Woolf

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