Parker Palmer Archives %- – Rock The Wrinkle

Life is busy. Life is difficult (as Scott Peck reminded us.)

Life is unpredictable. Life is filled with too many lists.

Too many emails.

Too many distractions.

Too many thefts of our time, our minds, our need to actually live the moment. Weeks fly by and we can’t remember what we did. Yesterday goes by in a flash and we aren’t even sure what we had for lunch.

Yet I’m sure in every 24-hour period, there are countless opportunities when we can think of another person. Be kind to a stranger. Refrain from scowling at a bad driver. Actually notice how the sun is reflecting off a flower petal.

Remember that we are alive, we are fragile, and we want every second to count. Especially as we grow older…we boomers and beyond understand how rich life can be if we are present.

Quaker poet Jeanne Lohmann invites us to pause and just be alive in her wonderful poem, “Questions Before Dark”:

“Questions Before Dark”

“Day ends, and before sleep
when the sky dies down,

consider your altered state:

has this day changed you?

Are the corners sharper or rounded off?

Did you live with death?

Make decisions that quieted?

Find one clear word that fit?

At the sun’s midpoint did you notice a pitch of absence,
bewilderment that invites the possible?

What did you learn from things you dropped

and picked up and dropped again?

Did you set a straw parallel to the river,

let the flow carry you downstream?”

Jeanne Lohmann

So many good things here. We do, especially as boomers and beyond, live with death. Our friends, our families, our own mortality. But I don’t see this as a depressing thing; more as a call to life.

Especially when she quickly brings up the idea of “bewilderment”.

To me, that’s a wonderful way to describe the natural world around us. So many miracles. Yet unless we make a conscious effort to see them, we walk right past them.

I love the idea of contemplating how each day changes us. As Buddha said, we never enter the same river twice. And there’s a lot to be said for occasionally noting where we are on our journey.

“Before I can tell my life what I want to do with it, I must listen to my life telling me who I am.”

Parker Palmer

It’s a paradox.

We’re told we can accomplish anything if we try hard enough. Yet most of us run into obstacles in life that keep us from getting to that “finish line”…like losing a job or having a spouse leave us or investments drying up into nothing.

What happened to that mystical power in the universe that was supposed to open all the right doors?

And what about our limitations? We can’t all be CEOs, star quarterbacks or prima ballerinas. Some people write bestsellers, some toil away for years without success. Some marriages are affirming, others are filled with disappointment.

Wait…isn’t the teacher supposed to appear when the student is ready?

I know I have had many times when I just knew if I waited long enough or prayed hard enough, the answer to my questions would come. I’d get a sign that this was the right job. Or a feeling that now was the time to make the move. Surely the universe would not let me once again make a bad choice in romance.

After all, that’s what happens in the movies…people go for a long walk by a river or through a bustling city (with appropriate music playing in the background) and it all just becomes clear.

I’m still waiting for that.

Writer, teacher and activist Parker Palmer has some great thoughts on this in his book, “Let Your Life Speak.” I go back to it regularly to remind myself I’m not alone in my confusion about all of this. He talks about potential, and limitations—that while “openings” may reveal our potentials, “closings” can reveal our limits. And both are equally important.

Parker Palmer writes, “As often happens in the spiritual journey, we have arrived at the heart of a paradox: each time a door closes, the rest of the world opens up. All we need to do is stop pounding on the door that just closed, turn around—which puts the door behind us—and welcome the largeness of life that now lies open to our souls. The door that closed kept us from entering a room, but what now lies before us is the rest of reality.”

Don’t you love that?

The whole visual of a door closed behind us, and all that now is before us…a universe of potential! So it seems as though our limitations actually are what can propel us forward, even more than our potential. Something every baby boomer and beyond can relate to.

I know there have been times when the universe gave me a “push”…forcing me to take a step into the unknown which later turned out to be a wonderful opportunity. And a step I probably wouldn’t have ever taken had things stayed as they were. At the time I didn’t like it.

It hurt, or made me angry. It most likely scared me. But clearly a greater power than me knew it was time.

Along the way, I’ve also made friends with my limitations

While I realize sometimes I don’t challenge myself as much as I could, I also am okay with stepping aside from certain races. I’m not climbing up a corporate ladder, or competing with someone else for attention from a boss. I’m fine being one of the flock and not the leader. I’m good at some things and average at others.

That’s all okay. Because it’s who I am. And I can’t fool the universe by trying to be someone else.

More sage words from Parker Palmer: “If we are to live our lives fully and well, we must embrace our opposites, to live in a creative tension between our limits and our potentials. We must honor our limitations in ways that do not distort our nature, and we must trust and use our gifts in ways that fulfill the potentials that God gave us. We must take the no of the way that closes and find the guidance that it has to offer—and take the yes of the way that opens and respond with the yes of our lives.”

Respond with the yes of our lives. That sounds like a precious jewel hidden in a treasure chest that can only be opened by someone with a lot of years to his or her credit. Someone who understands that the good and the bad, the ups and the downs, and the joy and the disappointments are all part of being a whole person.

Not to mention a few well-earned and proudly worn wrinkles.

What do you think? Has a closed door changed your life?