Tag: over 50

How To Not Be Invisible.

02/18/2019 / Laura

Do you ever feel invisible? Like no one is hearing anything you say, or even noticing you’re there?

I confess I do at times, especially since as a boomer I’m older than so many of the people I come into contact with every day.

I see the part-time salesperson in the clothing store for hopelessly thin and young women sigh a bit when she has to wait on me. I order food at a deli counter and I know the person ringing it up is looking right through me. It’s no my order often gets lost. Am I truly fading away, or does the under-50 world just not want to acknowledge I’m there?

50+ men complain that women not that much younger than them call them “sir”. Few women over a certain age like to hear the word “ma’am” from a handsome waiter who already seems to be humoring them.

Then there’s the type—as a friend of mine says, we’ve all met this person—he/she is much younger, inexperienced in his/her field, yet already magically seems to know so much more than we do and sees no reason to consider that our opinions and guidance are based on actual experience.

And while a person can be proficient at something at only 25, I prefer to rely on the experience of someone aged 55, 65, 75, 85…etc. There’s an internal transformation that takes place with time. It is impossible to explain but it is very real. You just know more about some things, like how to stay cool under pressure and what really matters (and it’s not how many friends you have on Facebook).

(And at the same time, I very much like to be around a younger person who is so savvy about technology, metrics, social media, and more—I enjoy learning what they know, or at least benefitting from their knowledge—as long as they’ll show me the same respect.)

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It’s not always an age difference that brings up these feelings. If you’ve recently made a big change in your life, it’s likely you’re feeling more invisible these days. Suddenly there are new co-workers, new neighbors, new friends…or maybe it’s more a case of having removed yourself from the workforce, a marriage, a destructive situation. It can feel like there’s no barrier between you and the indifference of the world. You’re a baby boomer, putting yourself out there anew all over again. It’s a bit daunting.

I think sometimes we have to sit back and take a breath, and remind ourselves who we are.

We’re not over the hill.

We’re not past our prime.

We’re intelligent. Generous. Helpful. Involved. Curious. Worth knowing and worth listening to…whether it’s our opinions or our advice.

Many of us over 50 are just beginning to hit our most productive strides. Some people will see that and acknowledge it. Some won’t—but does that truly matter?

If there’s a person who never seems to see or hear me, then maybe I need to be around others more. If it’s a room filled with 20-somethings, I just need to remember that when I was that age, I probably couldn’t think clearly enough to take in anyone else’s wisdom anyway. If my client thinks I am too old to do something creative, then I need to knock his/her socks off with my ideas.

And sometimes, it’s a simple matter of standing tall, speaking firmly, making good eye contact and being confident. Hey, we’re baby boomers! We are NOT invisible!

“I am not a has-been. I am a will-be.”

Lauren Bacall

Ready to Spring?

03/20/2018 / Laura

It’s spring. Finally. Never thought it would get here, did you? And it’s early this year. Which could explain why it’s still (depending upon where you live), still cold. Rainy. Snowy. Dreary. Disappointing.

But wait. Even if all the above is true, chances are there are signs of spring everywhere. You just have to look harder to find them. Like purple crocus raising their heads. Or bountiful cherry trees quietly sharing their beauty. Or daffodils bending in the breeze. And of course, lots of allergens to fill your sinus cavities with seasonal splendor.

So if it’s spring, why does it sometimes feel like nothing’s changed…like the same old, same old is still here. You aren’t feeling younger. Or more attractive. Or like you could skip down the sidewalk with a new piece of chalk for hopskotch.

So what does Spring mean, anyway….when you get older?

We over 50 tend to hunker down during winter. It’s chilly and humid and makes our bones talk to us. We are wary of icy sidewalks and quite frankly, driving at night in a snowstorm isn’t our idea of a good time. Not that it ever was, but it used to seem easier. Or were we just more willing to take a chance?

Spring used to mean a break from school. Maybe pulling out the fun clothes and sandals and getting some sun. Planting seeds in the garden. Starting a new exercise regimen or giving up fast food (at least for a few weeks) so we might fit in the summer swimsuit.

Things change. I’ll admit to just being grateful to see the seasons change. To realize that spring represents new life, a shaking-off of winter doldrums and the promise of longer days and maybe lower utility bills.

Of course if you live where it snows through May, you’re still dreaming of that…and you’re tired of hearing how it’s 75 in Miami.

Here’s what a few famous folks had to say about spring:

“In the spring, I have counted 136 kinds of weather inside of 24 hours.”

Mark Twain

“I am going to try to pay attention to the spring. I am going to look around at all the flowers and look up at the hectic trees. I am going to close my eyes and listen.”

Anne Lamott

“Spring has returned. The Earth is like a child that knows poems.”

Rainer Maria Rilke

“Spring is nature’s way of saying: ‘Let’s party!'”

Robin Williams

Spring can be a challenge in many ways, filled with mud and rain and cobwebs and long lists of what needs to be done. But it can also be a beautiful time to renew the soul.

Get some sunshine.

Breathe some fresh air.

Consider new possibilities.

Wait for a butterfly to float by.

Every season that passes becomes more precious…a treasure we hold in our hearts. Let’s enjoy this one.

“Spring is when you feel like singing even with a shoe full of slush.”

Doug Larson

Ready to risk?

05/09/2016 / Laura

You’re over 50. Or well past 60. You’ve decide to make a change. A big one. Take the new job. Retire. Move to the brand new address across the country or across the world. Marry someone who doesn’t quite fit your family’s heirloom locket. Or, (gasp) maybe you’re considering moving back to previous, less glamorous location after several years of living the dream.

And here it comes…

You’re too old.
You’re too young.
You don’t know anybody there.
You already have a good job.
You can’t do this by yourself.
What is something goes wrong?
Why would you want to start over?
Don’t you like it here?
Why would you want to live there?
How can you leave/ignore/betray your family?
How you leave/ignore/betray your friends?
Aren’t you scared?

How could you consider going back to where you started?
How could you give up what you have?
Don’t you love it here?
Don’t you love us?
Won’t you be going backwards?
Why can’t you make it work here?
Doesn’t it feel like you’ve failed?
Aren’t you scared?

It’s not that they don’t love you, they just don’t love that you are considering such a big change. Especially at your age.

The ironic part is 50+ is when you are best equipped to make a big change.

At least that was true for me. In my 20s and 30s, I was too busy trying to gain work experience and feel comfortable with everything life threw at me. I thought about making big changes a few times, but let fear and uncertainty stifle any real action. It wasn’t until I was able to cast off all the baggage of other people’s expectations that I could clearly hear what my soul was telling me.

And I’m so glad I listened. Because even though every major life change brings with it moments of anxiety, doubt, loneliness (and the occasional cheese dip binge), it also brings a great deal of peace. Leaving your comfort zone can be the best way to find out what—and who—really matters to you. When you put distance between you and the way things have always been, you can turn around and view it from a different perspective. It’s like standing in a museum and staring at an oversized canvas. The tiny, insignificant details fade away, the background blurs, and what is left is the core—the passion—of the painting.

Before, you saw the faces, you heard all the noise…. Now what is left? What images still touch your heart? Who do you genuinely miss and want to keep close forever? What truly matters in your life? I think it’s the good stuff—the stuff you have with you always, and can always return to.

In fact,I also think we must stay open to what comes after the big risk and the wonderful self-discovery. Sometimes, we come to a point where we start to realize we have made the dream come true. We did accomplish many things, have wonderful new friends, and gave ourselves a magnificent gift. And now that we done it, we might find ourselves longing to simplify our lives even more. And that could mean going back to where we started.

You will learn a lot when you start any new adventure. Here’s what taking a big risk taught me:

How anything is possible.
How lonely it can be.
How fantastic it can be.
Which friendships are real.
Which people live in my heart.
The wonder of email and texting.
Dogs don’t like change.
Learning new things requires forgetting some old stuff.
No matter how good you feel about things, you’re still going to occasionally wake up at 3 a.m. and wonder what the hell you are doing there.
There’s not always going to be a sign to point you in the right direction.
You can mow grass while it is snowing.
You can come home again. And again.
God is always there. He’s just quiet sometimes.

Changing your life, starting over, whatever words you use—it is not without its challenges.. But I believe the universe is standing by waiting to kick in a lot of power once you commit. The road may not be easy. But look where it can lead.

“Trust yourself, then you will know how to live.” Goethe

Oh my aching….

07/27/2015 / Laura

Enough already!

So you’re over 50. You’ve always been pretty healthy. You walk, exercise, keep in shape. When you see people who don’t seem to follow a healthy lifestyle, you tsk tsk them. Think they’re lazy, or wonder why they’ve given up. Don’t they want to live a long life? Aren’t they concerned about that bulging belly?

Then it starts. One day, you pull a muscle in your back. Okay, no big deal. You take a pill, get a massage, and go easy for a bit. Surely it will heal soon.

But it doesn’t. At least not completely. Isn’t that aggravating. Oh well, it could be worse.

And then it does get worse.

You jam your thumb. Stub your toe. Step off the porch and sprain your ankle. Now you have pain in several parts of your body, and you’re starting to list when you walk. What’s the deal here?

Where did your fit body go? Now you can’t go to the gym because it hurts too much. You can’t swing the golf club because your back is shot. Riding a bike doesn’t go well with your sore ankle. Even your dog is suffering because you can’t walk your usual distance due to your sore toe.

You’ve become one of them…the people you used to mentally chastise. People who are on the couch watching the Tour de France instead of walking on the treadmill. The more you stay away from the gym, the harder it is to get back…or even remember why you were going. And it seems like this happened so fast.

It just doesn’t seem fair that after a lifetime of doing the right thing, you feel sabotaged by your own body. As though you are Gulliver and all your aches and pains have tied you down…and you wake up and can’t move. And what’s the deal with these bruises that seem to pop up if you even slightly brush a wall or lean up against a car? So attractive.

All the lines, the marks, the wrinkles…they suddenly seem to define you. Yet inside, you’re 30. Sort of. Maybe you’re more like a fun-loving 30-year-old who likes to nap. And wears a big hat in the sun. And groans a bit when you get in and out of the car.

Who doesn’t?

It’s not that an ice bag or bandage or heating pad or bottle of Aleve doesn’t help us…thank heavens the opposite is true. We heal, we get back in shape, we get moving. It’s just too important to live as healthy as you can stand, so you can live a long, enjoyable life. That might mean a new knee, acupuncture in the back, foot surgery, or whatever is on the horizon.

Parts wear out. But these days, we can replace a lot of them.

Or reach for the oil can, like the tin woodman. It’s okay.

Maybe some aches and pains are Nature’s way of telling us to slow down and pay attention. To not make leisure time so grueling, and instead of trying to outrun aging, just let it be. Pace ourselves, so we can stay in shape, be healthy, and live as independently as possible.

Because getting older takes some muscle. And it’s our turn to flex it!