Tag: boomers (Page 6 of 15)

Tired…or exhausted?

04/18/2016 /

It’s so easy sometimes to just give in to being tired.

Whatever it is you, Mr. or Ms. Baby Boomer, are facing that requires a burst of energy…you’ve done it so many times before. You’ve walked that path. Fought that battle. Thought it through a hundred times.

And you’re just weary.

It can even be a good thing. Like a 4-mile walk that will make you feel great. Or a new book club meeting that might introduce you to some new friends. Or finally tackling the garage and actually discovering what’s hiding behind the golf clubs.

It would be so much easier to just sit on the couch with the remote!

How did we get here so quickly? It wasn’t that long ago we were enjoying jam-packed weekends and evenings of fun without a thought to what time the Boston Legal reruns come on.

Younger friends give us a quizzical look when we say things like, “It starts kind of late, doesn’t it?” Or “You know, I can do one or the other, but probably not both.”

Or my favorite, “You’re younger than me, you’ll understand one day.”

And they will.

DSC02021But still…sometimes I’m not sure how I feel about this. I do think it’s okay to pace ourselves now that we are boomers and beyond. We have spent a great deal of energy just dealing with life, and it’s okay to cut back. I’m seeing friends who perhaps have pushed themselves too hard for too long and their health is sending them a serious message:

Take it easy. Take a breath. There’s no race. There’s no hurry.

The real challenge is probably to know where the line is, between stopping to smell the roses (haven’t we earned that?) and becoming permanently affixed to the furniture.

Some days are better than others. Some seasons are more motivating than others. Being selective with our energy and our attention is a smart thing…something we older types know all about. And there’s physical reasons at play as well.

Maybe we’re not sleeping well. Taking medications that make us drowsy. Dealing with chronic pain or mobility issues. Even being bored can make you feel tired.

The National Institute on Aging offers these suggestions if you feel fatigue is getting the best of you:

  • Respect your body clock. If you are better in the a.m., then don’t tackle a mentally draining task in the late afternoon.
  • Eat fish. Not only is this good for your heart, but omega-3 oils can boost alertness.
  • Get your rest. Either go to bed earlier, or take a quick nap in the afternoon.
  • Drink lots of water. Dehydration is bad for lots of ways, but also can decrease your ability to concentrate.
  • Exercise regularly. You might see improvements in appetite, energy, and outlook.
  • Don’t smoke. It’s a drain on your energy.

file000143069688All that said, you might just need a period of downtime…especially following a stressful career, death of a loved one, extended traveling, or any other challenge that required all you had to give.

So be gentle to yourself.

But don’t sit on that couch too long.

 

“For fast-acting relief, try slowing down.”

                                    Lily Tomlin.

Springtime for boomers

04/11/2016 /

Spring is here, and summer’s a heartbeat away.   Everyone’s looking forward to warm sunshine, cool evenings, barbecues, and vacations. Finally, you will be able to store the baggy sweat pants and fleece jackets and opt for short-sleeved shirts, shorts, and sandals.

Or will you? Does the thought of that make you wince?

Body image. It’s a touchy subject, especially as we get older. In our minds, (or at least in mine), we are permanently 38-46 years old, and a new pair of shorts or sandals is very appealing. It reminds us of picnics, baseball, and fresh green grass.

Then it happens…we look at ourselves in the mirror and wonder…

What happened to my legs?

 Why are there so many strange spots on my skin?

 Can I wear these clothes without everyone staring?

 And my feet…my toes didn’t used to look like this…are sandals impossible?

IMG_0130And don’t even bring up swimwear. Male or female, we often spend too much time before a mirror playing our least favorite game of hesitate and debate. Can I?  Should I?  Will I?

What if we all decided we are just okay, that we have earned every wrinkle, stretch mark, and hammer toe. We don’t live in Hollywood (at least not most of us) and we don’t have a makeup crew ready to make sure we look our most fabulous self every time we step out the door.

We’re real people. We’re over 50. And we’re hitting the beach!

Having a negative body image is more than annoying. It can hurt our health. It can lead to depression and anxiety. It can make us want to cut off interactions with others, whether it’s a day at the beach or going to the gym or any other activity that puts us around others. It can lead to eating disorders.

Maybe it’s finally time to toss out the idea that there is one ideal weight, shape, skin color, or hair color for everyone—we’re a mixed basket, which makes life wonderful. And that’s true for men as well as women.

What’s really hard is when you heard negative comments about your body when you were growing up. I think those are some of the deepest wounds and they can take a lifetime to heal. Even if you look in the mirror now and know that you’ve changed, and you’re no longer that child with thick glasses or braces or whatever your pain point was, you can still feel that way when you walk through a crowded room or enter a family reunion.

But we really aren’t the same…we’re older, wiser, and we know our true beauty, talent, and value lies within. We’ve learned exterior looks are fleeting. And we’ve probably seen many former classmates who were “most likely to” fall far short from their much heralded potential. (And while we’re not supposed to enjoy that, it can be hard not to sometimes.)

Maybe it comes down to rebooting our thinking.

168HSome studies show that when people focus simply on changes in eating and activity, and NOT on weight or size, they achieve much greater and long-lasting results. They start to feel better. They are healthier. They’re not running to the scales every day or staying inside when everyone else is heading to the pool.

They also do not compare themselves to others, and they spend more time with people who approach food and activity in a positive way. They talk to their children and grandchildren about loving themselves and not letting television or the movies convince them they should have different hair or noses or other body parts.

And maybe most importantly, they talk to themselves differently.

No more of this critical talk in front of a mirror.   You wouldn’t say these things to a friend. Why would you say it to yourself?

Granted, staying physically fit and active is so important to a long and healthy life.  Try tai chi.  Do some yoga.  Walk around a track.  If there’s a gym like Welcyon (for people 50 and better) in your area, drop by and see what they’re doing.  Don’t let the couch become your best friend.  But through it it all, don’t think you have to hide your gray hair or your wrinkles.

More and more, we hear and see boomers and beyond embrace who they are and live their lives with full gusto. It can be as simple as going sleeveless. Putting on a bathing suit. Brushing their hair and celebrating the white patches.

Donning bicycle shorts and taking that hill (no one, of any age, looks good in those anyway).

Spring is a time for everything to reach up to the sun and celebrate life. And that includes us!

“If you can’t make it better, you can laugh at it.”

            Erma Bombeck

Maybe we’re okay as is.

04/04/2016 /

It’s the start of the week, the month, and maybe a brand new season. We can look at it with anticipation and joy, or we can feel overwhelmed and even frightened.

Why can’t we get out of neutral and do the things we keep saying we will do? What if the months pass and we’re still just sitting here? Why does it seem like everyone else is making progress?

But then again, why don’t we boomers and beyond give ourselves a break?

Where is this critical voice coming from—the one that keeps saying we need to improve, to change ourselves, to transform our personalities into a lotus flower?

What if, for a moment, we considered how perfect we really are. What a miracle we are.

Swan_2That maybe what is inside of us is just okay. That instead of hitting ourselves in the head with a block of wood, we should nurture our inner self and celebrate our spirit?

In other words, lighten up.

I like this notion. I like remembering that spirit made me and spirit lives in me. Way before teachers, preachers, or finger-pointers took hold of me, I existed. I shine. I live, breathe, and love. So maybe I’m just okay—without trying to become someone I was never meant to be.

In her book, “The Wisdom of No Escape”, Pema Chodron touches on these thoughts more than once. Her are just a few excerpts of her words:

“Loving kindness doesn’t mean getting rid of anything….we can still be crazy after all these years. We can still be angry after all these years. We can still be timid or jealous or full of feelings of unworthiness. The point is not to try to change our selves. Mediation practice isn’t about throwing ourselves away and becoming something better. It’s about befriending who we are already…if you throw out your neurosis, you also throw out your wisdom. Someone who is very angry also has a lot of energy; that energy is what’s so juicy about him or her…the idea isn’t to try to get rid of your anger, but to make friends with it, to see it clearly with precision and honesty, and also see it with gentleness….”

See it with gentleness. What a nice thought! Turn off the voices that tell you it’s time to develop a new personality. Put down the whip. Think soft instead.

Pema also says:

“Life’s work is to wake up, to let the things that enter into the circle wake you rather than put you to sleep. The only way to do this is to open, be cautious, and develop some sense of sympathy for everything that comes along, to get to know its nature and let it teach you what it will.   It’s going to stick around until you learn your lesson, at any rate. The journey of awakening—the classical journey of the mythical hero or heroine—is one of continually coming up against big challenges and then learning how to soften and open.”

file000143069688We’ve earned a little softness. We’ve endured a lifetime of struggle, pain, happiness, sadness, and just about everything else. So does it really make sense to think we’re doing it all wrong? I don’t think so.

Life is hard. So if we can be gentle, especially with ourselves, that has to be the right path. At least it’s the one I want to take.

“The purpose of life is to increase the warm heart.”

     Dalai Lama

Walking Through the Fear.

03/14/2016 /

Nobody like to talk about being scared.  Is that because we don’t think we are supposed to be scared anymore, now that we’re all grown up?

When we were little, it was okay to admit something might be hiding underneath the bed.  Or the Ferris wheel was just a bit too high for our liking.  Or that weird-looking insect that just jumped on our leg made us feel uneasy.

But what about now?  Especially since as boomers and beyond, our fears are usually a whole lot more menacing….

Cancer.  Bankruptcy.  Losing a spouse.  Surgery.  No retirement fund.  Nephews, nieces, and grandchildren serving in combat.  

Dying.

JOd4DPGLThifgf38Lpgj_IMGI doubt if anyone enjoys being scared, but I can’t believe we don’t all share that emotion from time to time.  And it’s sneaky.  We think we’re mad because the traffic is slow, or the dog just ate the newspaper, or our boss just asked us to do the impossible.  When really, deep down, we’re afraid.

Afraid we can’t handle it.  Afraid we’ll look bad.  Afraid we’ll fail.

It always reminds me of the flying monkeys in The Wizard of Oz.  First there’s one.  Then another one shows up.  Then all of a sudden they are everywhere, swooping down and carrying me off to the land of despair.  What began as a simple worry can escalate to global termination if I’m not careful.  Why is that?

I don’t want to give fear that much power over me.  I’m amazed how it can make my stomach queasy.  Give me dry mouth.  Make me feel tense and rigid.  It messes with my mind and my composure.  It’s one thing if you are literally staring at your fear—say, a hungry mountain lion.  But it’s another when you know your mind has latched on to some worry and has inflated it to such levels that you can’t think straight.

So you stop.  Take a breath.  Pray to your guardian angel to lend a hand.

Try not to get on the phone and chew out some unsuspecting telemarketer.

Years ago, I was in Yosemite National Park, and was challenged to walk up a very steep rock (shaped like a giant mound, but high enough to make me nervous).  I’m not a fan of heights.  I can tell myself everything’s okay, but I still feel my heart racing and my stomach talking to me.  But I trudged on, because another person volunteered to hold on…and gave me some advice.  He suggested I just stand still and feel all the fear and let it wrap around me, then take another step, and another.  I did so.

I confess it did help, though I won’t say I’m not scared of heights anymore.  Still, sometimes I call upon that advice when other, more threatening fears appear on the horizon.

87Like waiting on lab test results.  Or wondering if I made a wrong turn when mapping out my life.

Maybe some day I won’t be afraid.  But for now, I’m going to cut myself some slack and hope others do the same for themselves.  Emotions are supposed to be felt.  Even fear is telling us something.

It reminds us we are alive.  And no matter what our age, we’re still very young spirits.

“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by each experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.”

    Eleanor Roosevelt

 

 

 

 

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