Tag: boomers (Page 5 of 15)

Older and better.

08/08/2016 / Laura

Have you heard the term “conscious eldering”? It’s all about the choices we make as we grow older…will we stay engaged, curious, and positive about life, or will we become hard, withdrawn, and resentful over our disappointments?

I’m sure you’ve known people who fall into both categories. Over the years I’ve interviewed hundreds of people over 50, some close to 100, and it truly seems it’s a matter of making up your mind to be one or the other. Barring extreme physical limitations, many people I’ve known who are on the negative side have simply decided it’s easier to be angry.

The relationship that didn’t work out.

The boss that never saw our brilliance.

The ungrateful child who grew up uninterested in being around us.

The fact that we were supposed to end up one way, and we didn’t.

Then there are the people I’ve talked to who bubble over with joy and vitality. They laugh easily and accept what life has thrown at them. And it’s not always been an easy road…some have lost a spouse, child, way of life, and even their health. They’ve had to move and give up prized possessions. Yet through it all, their attitude is one of acceptance and peace.

Maybe it’s a matter of being “conscious” about what we do when we come to those crossroads…is this tragedy going to break us, or bring us closer to our spiritual core? Will it humble us, or infuriate us?

I think having a spiritual foundation in whatever form you choose is a huge help. I also think that truly learning to let go, to be willing to heal old wounds and forget long-held grudges, goes a long way for easing our hearts and our minds. Just think how much energy we wasted being miffed about the past.

Life’s a zigzag, not a straight line. At least it is for me. Being over 50 makes a lot of things clearer, yet it’s still a mixed bag sometimes. But I do look around at other boomers and those in their 70s, 80s, and up and it seems that it’s never too late to change your attitude.

It may not be easy, but it’s not too late.

Maybe you were a bit of a miser years ago, yet now you realize how hard the waitress is working and you open up your wallet a bit more with a better tip.

Maybe showing affection has always been a little hard for you because your parents never did it well, but now that you have grandchildren or great-grandchildren, you want to hug and hold hands and let them know how much you care.

And maybe all the things that always vexed you…waiting in line, bad drivers, people who are always late…now simply can be better tolerated by taking a breath, letting it go and realizing it’s not a personal conspiracy against you.

I don’t know about you, but I want to age with curiosity. Joy. Creativity. I want to feed my intellect and my spirit as much as I can, and not get my blood pressure up by rehashing old wounds or wondering why things aren’t like they used to be.

I genuinely believe this can be the absolute best time of our lives. Because even when the seemingly overwhelming challenges come at us, we’re more prepared than ever to use our strengths, ask for help, and turn it over to a higher power.

So why not now…it’s been a long hot summer. What better time to take a new path? Dance a new step? Rock a new wrinkle!!

“A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.”

John Barrymore

Sitting still.

06/27/2016 / Laura

Why can’t we sit still?

Ever have one of those days, maybe on a weekend, when you have worked hard all week, whether at a job or volunteering, gardening, servicing the car, housework or any other intense activity and now, just when you could just sit down and be quiet for a while, you find it hard to do nothing?

You’d think as boomers and beyond we would realize we’ve earned these moments of quiet. Our bodies need rest. Our minds need rest. The phone, the laundry, the clutter can wait a few hours or even days. It’s strange how quickly we can feel guilty.

Or come up with 10 reasons why we need to jump up and get something done. If our minds wander, we think we’re “wasting time” when really we might be doing some beneficial day-dreaming.

Who knows what great insight could emerge?

Some people bike for miles and miles and then when they reach their destination, they rest for 15 minutes and get right back on the bike. Or hike all day to a beautiful glacial lake and find it hard to just sit by it and breathe, without checking their watch and heading back in 10 minutes. Do we think we’re missing something? Maybe so.

But then maybe, just sitting in the grass with your dog and feeling the breeze on your face might be feeding your soul more than you know.

Modern wisdom is telling us how bad it is to sit for hours at a time at our desks or on the couch. The advice is to get up every 20 minutes or so and walk down the hall, up some stairs, around the office, whatever. I think that’s great advice. But I also think there are afternoons or evenings when a few hours of watching the clouds might be even more beneficial for our circulatory system.

Being still resets natural rhythms. Lets our deeper consciousness work out the tough issues that vex us. Helps us savor good memories and positive experiences.

It’s interesting that as well as sitting still, silence seems to be hard for many people. In conversation. In church. In a car on a road trip. Some people are just uncomfortable with silence and need to quickly fill it with music, talk, or noise. Meditation is, for these people, impossible or excruciating. Yet listen to the list of benefits realized from meditating: it increases positive emotions, boosts the immune system, decreases pain and decreases inflammation. It’s even supposed to enhance brain functioning and decrease depression.

So maybe we all need to just sit.

A bit.

And breathe.

Summer’s here and for many, provides opportunities for visiting places of natural beauty like the beach, the mountains, the desert, and more. What if, sometime in the midst of the giggling and playing and socializing, we all found a few moments to just take it in…eyes closed maybe, breathing quiet, ears attuned to the wind, the waves, the birds.

What if we turned off our phone (gasp) and use our minds to take a photo of the scene and hold it there.

Let everything relax for a minute, and just be.

Just be.

Ahhhhhhhh……………

“Your innermost sense of self, of who you are, is inseparable from stillness.”

Eckhart Tolle

Prince, and why we should wear more purple

05/30/2016 / Laura

We’re baby boomers, most of us well over 50, so what are we supposed to act like?

Seriously. When we were kids, our 50+ relatives were ancient. Slow-moving. Wore polyester. Smoked cigars.

That wasn’t going to happen to us.

Now we’re there. 55. 60. 65. 70. 75+. We reach these ages and they don’t feel so different, other than a new creak in the bones or maybe a little less hair. But inside?

Heck, we still can rock it.

So how are we supposed to act, dress, conduct ourselves around others?

Prince’s death really got me to thinking about this. Granted, he was unusual. Didn’t dress like others. Like to wear high-heeled boots and jump off pianos. Looked good with some well-placed eyeliner. But most important, was touched by God in terms of musical talent. Simply amazing. Even if you don’t like some of the hits played on the radio, if you scope out some of his work on earlier albums, you’ll be blown away by his talent, musical ear, and savvy in the production room.

And he was generous, giving away millions, helping other musical artists, sharing his gifts.

Yet we tend to step back and judge, because he was different. Especially for someone who was 57. I mean, really. What’s up with that guy?

Why the heck does it matter so much?

So few among us (at least it seems this way) really keep celebrating the inner child, the inside voice that wants to play, wants to run down the beach, wants to play the music much too loud in the car.

Instead, we conform.

We turn down the volume.

Especially when we get older. After all, isn’t that how we’re supposed to act?

Is it? Really?

What if we lived in world where it was more than okay for us people over 50 to look any way we choose, dance any way we want, and basically claim all the freedom and wackiness due us after making it this far? What if we were the ones marketers wanted to sell the corvettes, vacations, fine wines, and giant speakers to?

What if the far left lane on the interstate was reserved for us?

What if, like Prince, we put on a purple jumpsuit, sprayed our cane silver, and strutted down the street?

Personally, I think we should. At least inside. if you can’t work up the nerve to do it outright, then try a few things.

Ride in your car with music you love turned up way too loud. Windows open, please.

Buy a crazy scarf or feather boa and wear it to the grocery store. Ask your barber or hairdresser about a little green highlight. Sleep later than ever. Have dessert first.

Wear purple.

Here are two poems, one for men, and one for women, about the joys and the freedom that come with aging.

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat that doesn’t go, and doesn’t suit me,
And I shall spend my pension
on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals,
and say we’ve no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I am tired,
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells,
And run my stick along the public railings,
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick the flowers in other people’s gardens,
And learn to spit.
You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat,
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go,
Or only bread and pickle for a week,
And hoard pens and pencils and beer mats
and things in boxes.
But now we must have clothes that keep us dry,
And pay our rent and not swear in the street,
And set a good example for the children.
We will have friends to dinner and read the papers.
But maybe I ought to practise a little now?
So people who know me
are not too shocked and surprised,
When suddenly I am old
and start to wear purple!

Jenny Joseph

and now for the gentlemen:

WHEN I AM AN OLD MAN
When I am an old man, I will wear plaid trousers,
let my shirt tail hang out on one side on Tuesdays,
and wear ties that clash with everything.
I’ll carry a cane whether I need it or not,
to waggle at people who ask stupid questions
and poke pretty young girls.
I’ll have my ear pierced, the one that says you’re gay
(whichever that is)
and grin if someone mentions it.
I won’t smile on Thursdays, even if I’m chuckling inside,
I’ll never be angry on Sundays,
except in months when the sun doesn’t shine.
Maybe I’ll shave, and maybe I won’t,
depends on which eye I open first in the morning.
I’ll spit in public places, but not on people’s shoes,
unless they deserve it,
and belch from both ends when the spirit moves me.
I’ll eat tacos for breakfast, ice cream with salad,
drink tea with honey, coffee with maple syrup,
and rum with nothing at all.
I’ll stare everyone straight in the eye,
give my opinion on everything under the sun,
if I’m asked, and especially if I’m not.
I’ll forget how to spell “rules” but not “integrity”,
“obligations”, but not “responsibility”,
“expectations”, but not “honor”.
I’ll speak to God direct, help him out when he needs it,
but gently, cause mainly he does good work,
when people leave him alone, that is.
I’ll cry at movies and funerals,
laugh at my own mistakes, if I make any,
hug my sons and my daughters every chance I get,
raise my hat to any woman wearing purple.
I think I’ll have more fun
saying what I think,
being who I am,
staring at the stars,
when I am an old man, wearing plaid trouser

……ROBERT N. McWILLIAM

Life is short. Life is yours. Don’t let anyone take a moment from you. Enjoy. Embrace. Celebrate.

As a musical genius who preferred purple said in a famous song, “We could all die any day. … I ‘d rather dance my life away.”

Do it! Rock that wrinkle!

“Each day is a new beginning.”

Prince

Clothes for 50+: Where are they?

05/02/2016 / Laura

Okay, clothing retailers, listen up.

I don’t care if you create clothing for the office, the beach, the gym, the couch, or any other use…for women or men…you have some explaining to do.

Why is it that an average-sized woman, let’s say a 10 or 12, goes to the store to try and find something and discovers that suddenly, even the extra large does not fit her?

Or a man who is a bit taller than average and maybe has a normal physique plus a few extra pounds finds himself having to check out the big or “hefty” section?

Where are the clothes that fit us…those of us who are not size 2? Are there really millions of people so pencil-thin they can wear skin-tight clothing and smile?

Odd. I sure don’t see them at the movies.

Or in the grocery store.

Or walking their dogs.

Or in a business meeting.

What I do see is a whole generation of people over 50 who are healthy, active, and yes, probably have a mid-section a bit larger than when they were 25. Guess what. It happens.

And it’s perfectly okay.

We still need to wear clothes. We’d still like to look nice…attractive…even sexy at times. And we’d like to do it all and still be able to exhale.

So where are we supposed to go for an outfit?

I find it most annoying when I’m trying to find so-called “active wear” that actually lets me be active without passing out from strangulation. You know, loose pants for yoga. Soft, breathable materials for T-shirts that have actual sleeves. Exercise shorts that don’t cut off circulation.

I mean, like many boomers and beyond, I’m trying to tone myself and be stronger…so why are there no clothes that understand this?

Excuse us for living. We’re over 50. We’re a major force when it comes to retail sales.

And we’re getting tired of being ignored.

I have no desire to try and look 25. I don’t have the energy. I celebrate my wrinkles, gray, and extra rolls that come with normal aging. But I also am not ready to cut holes in a gunny sack and head out the door. And sorry, but I know I’m not an extra extra large. And even if I were, I would expect you, Mr. Clothier, to want to help me look as good as I can. And quite frankly, I think you’re failing. Because most of the clothes I see that I guess are aimed at me are either unwearable, or flat-out ugly.

And this whole skinny jeans craze is not a healthy message to women or men….to look so thin that you disappear. To be ashamed you can’t get in a size zero. (Now if you are very thin naturally, or you are struggling with an eating disorder, God bless you. You also deserve to look as good as possible. But that’s not the point here.)

I call upon all the brands….Nike, REI, Liz Claiborne, Charter Club, Everlast, Prana, and others, as well as men’s fashions…don’t ignore us. Don’t ask us to be something we’re not. Go out on a limb and come up with some “active boomer” clothes….and I don’t mean what June and Ward Cleaver wore. I’m talking comfort. Style. And realistic sizes.