Tag: boomers (Page 2 of 15)

How To Not Be Invisible.

02/18/2019 / Laura

Do you ever feel invisible? Like no one is hearing anything you say, or even noticing you’re there?

I confess I do at times, especially since as a boomer I’m older than so many of the people I come into contact with every day.

I see the part-time salesperson in the clothing store for hopelessly thin and young women sigh a bit when she has to wait on me. I order food at a deli counter and I know the person ringing it up is looking right through me. It’s no my order often gets lost. Am I truly fading away, or does the under-50 world just not want to acknowledge I’m there?

50+ men complain that women not that much younger than them call them “sir”. Few women over a certain age like to hear the word “ma’am” from a handsome waiter who already seems to be humoring them.

Then there’s the type—as a friend of mine says, we’ve all met this person—he/she is much younger, inexperienced in his/her field, yet already magically seems to know so much more than we do and sees no reason to consider that our opinions and guidance are based on actual experience.

And while a person can be proficient at something at only 25, I prefer to rely on the experience of someone aged 55, 65, 75, 85…etc. There’s an internal transformation that takes place with time. It is impossible to explain but it is very real. You just know more about some things, like how to stay cool under pressure and what really matters (and it’s not how many friends you have on Facebook).

(And at the same time, I very much like to be around a younger person who is so savvy about technology, metrics, social media, and more—I enjoy learning what they know, or at least benefitting from their knowledge—as long as they’ll show me the same respect.)

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It’s not always an age difference that brings up these feelings. If you’ve recently made a big change in your life, it’s likely you’re feeling more invisible these days. Suddenly there are new co-workers, new neighbors, new friends…or maybe it’s more a case of having removed yourself from the workforce, a marriage, a destructive situation. It can feel like there’s no barrier between you and the indifference of the world. You’re a baby boomer, putting yourself out there anew all over again. It’s a bit daunting.

I think sometimes we have to sit back and take a breath, and remind ourselves who we are.

We’re not over the hill.

We’re not past our prime.

We’re intelligent. Generous. Helpful. Involved. Curious. Worth knowing and worth listening to…whether it’s our opinions or our advice.

Many of us over 50 are just beginning to hit our most productive strides. Some people will see that and acknowledge it. Some won’t—but does that truly matter?

If there’s a person who never seems to see or hear me, then maybe I need to be around others more. If it’s a room filled with 20-somethings, I just need to remember that when I was that age, I probably couldn’t think clearly enough to take in anyone else’s wisdom anyway. If my client thinks I am too old to do something creative, then I need to knock his/her socks off with my ideas.

And sometimes, it’s a simple matter of standing tall, speaking firmly, making good eye contact and being confident. Hey, we’re baby boomers! We are NOT invisible!

“I am not a has-been. I am a will-be.”

Lauren Bacall

Grateful is good.

11/20/2018 / Laura

Gratitude is a complicated topic. You hear a lot about it. You know it’s a good idea. And on those sunny, halycon days, it’s easy to practice.

But then life happens.

A friend becomes terminally ill. The boss walks in and says the company is downsizing. The warning light on the car keeps coming on and no amount of black tape will make it go away. Or, maybe you just start wondering what happened to the last 30 years?

It’s part of getting older. Looking back, and giving up on the idea you had the perfect childhood. Looking around, and not seeing that cute, supportive spouse bringing you your slippers and 2.5 smiling children calling every weekend to see how you are. Looking forward, and wondering if there are any more real adventures ahead besides daring to walk to the refrigerator without your custom-made orthotics.

When I was a kid, singer Peggy Lee had a hit song I absolutely detested called “Is that all there is?”….I hated it. I still don’t enjoy hearing it, but I understand better what she was trying to say. When we keep waiting for our lives to “start”, we miss out on the fact they already have. Every day really is an opportunity to help another person, to learn something new, to try and find a moment of solace in the madness. And gratitude really does make that easier.

Now here comes the holiday that’s as loaded as an overstuffed suitcase. Thanksgiving. Raise your hand if yours has ever resembled the Norman Rockwell painting. Congratulations, you may go. For the rest of us, it’s probably been something else. Watch the Hallmark movies. Then remember when Uncle Fred announced he was leaving Aunt Jean over the stuffing. Watch the football games. Then try to forget when the dog pulled the turkey off the table and little Brad fell on the driveway and at least three arguments broke out at the same time. Watch the tear-jerking commercials of reunions and marriage proposals and then remember you’ll probably be seated at dinner next to the one family member who secretly resents you and is just one glass of wine away from telling you.

Like Chris Rock said in a standup routine, “It ain’t Christmas unless somebody’s crying.” But we’re getting ahead of ourselves, let’s stay in Thanksgiving for a bit.

So what is Thanksgiving? Or, what can be to each of us? Amazon wants us to spend it shopping online. Facebook wants us to watch cat videos. And all those Norman Rockwell types want us to help re-create that photograph that never actually happened.

As a baby boomer, you’ve seen it all. You might be thinking a turkey sandwich and Cary Grant movie might be all you need. If that’s your choice, go for it. But maybe there’s another way to look at it. Go inside. Really inside. What are you truly thankful for?

Your best friend after all these years?

Your sense of humor?

Your patience with your grandchildren?

Your health after that bad scare last year?

The way the sun lights up the leaves in a brilliant show of color?

Take those thoughts and let gratitude wash over you.

And if you find yourself in a clamorous, angry, exhausting setting, let yourself go inside again. Be grateful you can do that. If you are pressed at the table to list what you are grateful for, here’s list to get you started:

Boomers’ Gratitude List:

Elastic

Naps

Wisdom

Discounts

Old movies

Giggling grandchildren

Faithful dogs

Cuddly cats

Sweet spouses

Newfound freedom

Elastic (worth mentioning twice)

Pie

Cool evenings

Health, in whatever form it is

Life

We’ve made it this far…and we are grateful! Happy Thanksgiving and keep rockin’ it!

“I am grateful for what I am and what I have. My thanksgiving is perpetual.”

Henry David Thoreau

Calling all warriors.

08/06/2018 / Laura

Have you been called upon to be a warrior?

Are you answering an inner urge to start over? To try a new scary path that no one else supports or understands?

To branch out on your own and seek new successes even in the face of huge odds?

If you’re a boomer and beyond, and you bravely decide to truly change your path, you’re going to encounter a lot of strange looks, shaking heads, and arguments about why it will never work. Yet if you truly know that your new path is where you have always wanted to walk, you must do it.

American Buddhist nun and teacher Pema Chodron touches on this in her book, “The Wisdom of No Escape.” She writes:

“When you really start to take the warrior’s journey—when you start to want to live your life fully, and you feel this passion for life and for growth, when discovery and exploration and curiosity become your path—then basically, if you follow your heart, you’re going to find that it’s often extremely inconvenient.

“Wholeheartedness is a precious gift but no one can give it to you. You have to find the path that has heart and then walk it impeccably. In doing that, you again and again encounter your own uptightness, your own headaches, your own falling flat on your face. But in wholeheartedly following that path, this inconvenience is not an obstacle. It’s simply a certain texture of life.

“Not only that, sometimes when you just get flying, and it all feels so good and you think, ‘This is it, this is the path that has heart,’ you suddenly fall flat on your face. Everybody’s looking at you. You say to yourself, ‘What happened to that path that had heart? This feels like the path full of mud in my face.’ Since you are wholeheartedly committed to the warrior’s journey, it pricks you, it pokes you. It’s like someone laughing in your ear, challenging you to figure out what to do when you don’t know what to do. It humbles you. It opens your heart.”

Now is the time. Listen to your spirit. The universe has quite a sense of humor—laugh with it.

Falling down a few times isn’t the worst thing that can happen to us.

Not trying is.

“Courage, above all things, is the first quality of a warrior.”

Carl von Clausewitz

Do you have the time?

01/08/2018 / Laura

Time is so precious. We understand this so much more as we age. I think when most of us were much younger, we saw the future as a very long road stretching out before us to infinity, with no end or at least one that wasn’t anywhere in sight. We “had” time to play, to make and lose friends, to eat what we wanted, maybe drink too much, not exercise enough, and whatever struck our fancy because, after all, we “had” time.

Then a few years went by.

We saw a few strange marks on our faces (“are those wrinkles? Can’t be.”) We couldn’t stay up quite as late, but we sure tried. We noticed how some friends seemed to drift away, yet we didn’t work too hard to get back in touch. After all, we were now working hard on getting things right: our marriages, our careers, our portfolios. The other things, like peace of mind or emotional health? Oh, there’d be plenty of time to worry about that later.

And since we were never really going to grow old, it didn’t matter anyway.

Then a lot more years went by, and very quickly. Much too quickly.

Yet now we are more content with who and what we are because we recognize—this is who we are. Spending a few hours with a good friend is priceless. Reading a really engrossing novel is fulfilling. Watching a grandchild or great niece or nephew giggle is a joy, because we know how quickly they will grow up. Watching a spectacular sunset fills us with awe and isn’t something we take for granted. We are still on our path, but we recognize we’re closer to the end…at least on this planet.

We see how fast time goes by now.

Or did it always?

It’s bittersweet. And depending upon your beliefs, it could just be the beginning, with another path awaiting our spirits that won’t be revealed until we leave our achy joints and bad feet behind. But regardless of where your heart lies, it’s good to just be where you are, in every moment. And if it’s not a good place, then give yourself permission to make it so.