Tag: baby boomers (Page 1 of 3)

Stand up.  Dismiss.  Be Patient.

10/09/2018 /

The world seems to have gone mad.  Anger is everywhere.  Reason has taken a vacation.  Neighbors scowl at one another, family members glare over the dinner table, friends disappear as events of the day spiral even further out of control.  What can we do?  We boomers who have lived lives of hard work, worry, duty and responsibility?  How can we keep peace around us, and somehow, peace within our hearts when we see so many things we fought for falling by the side of the road?

There’s so much that can be said.  Yet it feels like too much has been said already.  Maybe it’s time to be still enough to hear the peace that can be found if we search hard enough.  And if peace really does begin with each of us, take a new look at Walt Whitman and his words.  Soothing.  Encouraging.  And forceful.

Hear what he has to say:

“This is what you shall do:

Love the earth and the sun and the animals

despise riches, give alms to every one that asks

stand up for the stupid and crazy, devote your income and labor to others

hate tyrants, argue not concerning God, have patience and indulgence toward the people

take off your hat to nothing known or unknown or to any man or number of men

go freely with powerful uneducated persons and with the young and with the mothers of families

read these leaves in the open air every season of every year of your life,

re-examine all that you have been told at school or church or in any book

dismiss whatever insults your own soul, and your very flesh shall be a great poem and have the richest fluency not only in its words but in the silent lines of its lips and face and between the lashes of your eyes

and in every motion and joint of your body.”

 

Dismiss what insults you. Hold fast to your heart.  Reach out to those with less.

Walt had the idea.

Like Lieutenant Dan in Forest Gump, we can hold tight to the mast…the winds can only blow so long. Meanness, evil and lack of justice will, like any noxious weed, eventually wither and disappear.

And in their place, new life can grow.

 

“The world will not be destroyed by evil, but by those who watch them without doing anything.”

      Albert Einstein

 

Sand in the Vaseline

06/19/2018 /

As we age, we’re supposed to grow wiser.  That’s what we always heard would be the reward, that we would know more, have more experiences to draw from, and maybe even have more patience with the little things because we’d seen it all.  So in theory, we would not get as upset about things or at least, we would let the little things upset us as much.

That’s the theory.  I’m still waiting on that to kick in.

Granted, there are a lot of things I don’t worry about anymore, which is a very good thing.  I attempt an acceptable level of hygiene, but I don’t get too wound up about a wrinkled pair of jeans or the different shades of skin that cover my legs.  I actually have moments in the car when the tailgating hot rod behind me doesn’t send me into fits of bad language.  I can let it go when I have to step over a present a neighbor’s pet left for me.  Okay.  That’s all quite evolved.

But I’m finding that other things really are like sand in the vaseline.  Irritants that my soul just can’t abide.  And maybe surprisingly, it’s directed quite often at other baby boomers and beyond. Because surely they should know better!

For example, I don’t understand:

• How can you still think you are better than someone else, just because you happen to be born a certain color?

• How can you still make inappropriate jokes that demean other human beings?  Or let your friends do the same and not say something?

• How can it be okay with you to attend church each Sunday and then give your allegiance to a politician who advocates lies, sexual misconduct, hatred, greed and disregard for people whose profession is checking on the government and reporting the truth back to the people?

• How can you visit a beautiful, pristine wilderness area and toss your garbage out the car window, leave your campfire smoldering in a fire danger zone, blast your iPod on trail, and honk at a fawn that isn’t crossing the road fast enough for you?

• How can you think cheating someone else is okay, whether it’s through cheap tipping, cutting them off in line, or not letting them into your club/neighborhood/place of worship/swimming pool?

I just don’t understand.  We’re older.  We’ve lived. We’ve been hurt.  We’ve learned how hard life can be sometimes.  How fragile we all are, and how we have no idea if the person next to us is dealing with a disease, a major loss, fears or worse.  And since we don’t know, we should know by now to err on the side of kindness.

Because we know how easily that person could be us.

These things irritate me, I admit it.  Which I don’t think is a bad thing, because the day they stop bothering me, i will know that I have really checked out on the world.

I know there are those who will say well it doesn’t really matter, as long as you don’t actually hurt someone, you can do or say what you please.  I disagree.  I think you are hurting someone.  I believe that principle that the ripple of a butterfly’s wings really does eventually reach the rainforest.

And I think we who are showing some gray have a responsibility to add some gentility to the universe.  Not just for each other, but for ourselves as well.  According to Random Acts of Kindness:

“Witnessing acts of kindness produces oxytocin, occasionally referred to as the ‘love hormone’ which aids in lowering blood pressure and improving our overall heart-health. Oxytocin also increases our self-esteem and optimism, which is extra helpful when we’re in anxious or shy in a social situation….According to research from Emory University, when you are kind to another person, your brain’s pleasure and reward centers light up, as if you were the recipient of the good deed—not the giver. This phenomenon is called the “helper’s high….  Like most medical antidepressants, kindness stimulates the production of serotonin. This feel-good chemical heals your wounds, calms you down, and makes you happy!”

 

Of course the irony is that I’m getting irritated at how hateful other people are.  So I need to chill, right?  Like I said, I’m trying.  But I’m also hoping maybe others will stop a minute to think about the impact they are having on younger people. The example they are setting for their grandchildren.  And how they are affecting their own health.

Wisdom is a gift.  Let’s use it for the greater good.  And maybe all of us can see in each other a soul that has walked a journey we can’t imagine, but we can respect.

Life is short.

And maybe if we stop clenching our fists and holding on so tight, we can receive even more.  It’s way past time to worry about what the “other guy” is getting that we didn’t.  That’s kinda what progress is all about it, right?  That the next generation has it a bit easier?  And for sure, that next generation isn’t going to look exactly like us.  I’m all for that.

Just some things to think about.  I’m going to work harder myself, especially when the internet goes out again.

Breathe.  Just breathe.  It’s worked before.  I have a lot of practice at it.

“It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.”

       Henry David Thoreau

 

 

 

 

 

 

Walking each other home.

04/30/2018 /

Life is so fragile.  Every moment is precious.  All around, there are people whose life has frozen in time…bad news about a loved one.  Eviction.  Divorce.  A frightening diagnosis.  Loss of a child.  Maybe a business failure or money crisis that feels like there is no way out.

As baby boomers and beyond, we’ve had our share.  And while it would be nice to think now we get to enjoy life, the joke is somewhat on us, or so I’ve found.  Life does not easier.  In fact, with the challenges of aging, it might get a lot harder.  And more painful.  So where’s the hope?

I think it’s in the fact that we are wiser, we are survivors, and we understand what is important, and what is not.

And I would hope,  we cherish what—and who—is most important to us.  Because as someone very wise said, “We’re all just walking each other home.”

I like that.  I like the idea that when we’re at our most desperate, spirits appear around us who can lead us forward.  Maybe we can see them—a dear friend, a spouse, even a beloved pet.  And maybe they are invisible…but I believe they are just as real as ever.  They’ve loved us, and they’re still with us.

It’s so hard to get frightening news.  And it’s also so hard to know someone you love just got that news.  But now’s when you channel your fear into something helpful.  Like listening, really listening when they need it most.  Giving them the opportunity to be sad, be angry, be profane or anything else they choose.

A friend who was over 80 died a few weeks ago.  She was truly an amazing person her whole life, overcoming the suicide of a brother and a daughter.  She was intelligent and talented.  A published author and accomplished musician.  She embraced the challenges of learning technology that was barely a dream when she was born. She never stopped growing.  And she didn’t let her pain stop her.

What I liked most about her was she was fully human. I think we forget how to do that sometimes…to just be.  To know that who we are is enough. We can learn and refine and strengthen and enhance, but in the end, who we are is who we are.  And it wasn’t a mistake (unless we use our skills to hurt others).

And maybe most importantly, we can use our humanity to be there for someone else in crisis…someone who shouldn’t have to be any braver, any calmer, or any nicer than they feel.  Because we love them.  And because they are us.  And because they might be needing us to let things get messy.  Listen to Fred Rogers (Mr. Rogers):

“Confronting our feelings and giving them appropriate expression always takes strength, not weakness…. It takes strength to face our sadness and to grieve and to let our grief and our anger flow in tears when they need to. It takes strength to talk about our feelings and to reach out for help and comfort when we need it.”

We’re all aging. We’re all going to die (it always amazes me how many people really think they won’t.) We all have limited time.  So maybe now’s the time to turn back to the basics…the skills you first learned.

Hold hands when you cross the street.

Be nice to your neighbor.

Brush your teeth.

Take naps.

Be kind to animals.

Love from the heart. We’re all on a journey…a journey that I believe leads somewhere glorious…and it’s good to remember that how we help one another along the way really does matter.

 

“It always helps to have people we love beside us when we have to do difficult things in life.”

Mr. Rogers

 

Sleepy?

04/23/2018 /

Are you tired?

When was the last time you really slept…like an uninterrupted 8 hours?  Or took an actual afternoon nap without the cell phone interrupting your peace?

Why is it we can’t sleep?  And why do we think we’re not supposed to?

Especially for us baby boomers and beyond…sleep is precious.  Agingcare.com says:

Sleep needs change naturally throughout a person’s lifetime. For example, it is common knowledge that children and adolescents need more sleep than adults. Interestingly, though, older adults need about the same amount of sleep as their younger counterparts—seven to nine hours each night.

Unfortunately, many older adults get less sleep than they need. One reason is that they often have a difficult time falling asleep. A study of adults over 65 found that 13 percent of men and 36 percent of women take more than 30 minutes to fall asleep each night.

And while it’s often said that sleep problems are a normal part of aging, that’s actually not the case.  If you’re really have problems sleeping, you might want to see your physician.  But if it’s an occasional thing, here are a few suggestions from agingcare.com:

  • Follow a regular schedule. Go to sleep and wake up at the same time, even on weekends.
  • Minimize naps. Try to nap only when you must. Excessive sleep during the day can keep you from falling and staying asleep.
  • Exercise. Regular physical activity has been shown to improve sleep quality. For best results, finish working out at least three hours before bedtime.
  • Get some sun. Go outside for at least 15 minutes a day and soak up some natural light.
  • Avoid caffeine.  At least reduce it late in the day.
  • Develop a bedtime routine. Do the same things each night to tell your body that it’s time to wind down.
  • Use your bedroom only for sleeping. After turning off the light, give yourself about 15 minutes to fall asleep. If you are still awake and not feeling drowsy, get out of bed and do something low key, like reading.

But maybe falling asleep isn’t your issue…maybe you feel that taking a nap or going to bed earlier than someone else is a bad thing…that you’re lazy, or you are “no fun”, or it’s an idea drilled into you when you were younger about the early bird getting the worm, etc.

Do you really want the worm?   

Or put another way, what good does getting the worm do if you’re yawning all day?

And if you’re over 55, chances are you’ve caught enough worms.  It’s okay to rest.  It’s always been okay to rest, we just don’t want anyone to know we do it.

But hang on.  There’s good news for all you closet nappers.  According to the National Sleep Foundation,  a short nap of 20-30 minutes can help to improve mood, alertness and performance. Winston Churchill, John F. Kennedy,  Napoleon, Albert Einstein, and Thomas Edison were known to have valued an afternoon nap.

Other research has also suggested that daytime napping can improve memory by fivefold, and that a one-hour nap is best for boosting alertness and mental performance without interfering with nighttime sleep.

So hey.  Go for it.  Take a break.  Take a nap.  Turn off your phone.  And don’t chide a friend who says they need to go to bed early.  Tired isn’t good for you. There’s always time for a nap.

How about now?

“Sleep is the best meditation.”

          Dalai Lama

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