Tag: aging (Page 1 of 2)

Maybe it was worth forgetting.

06/10/2024 /

Aging can be quite entertaining sometimes. Kind of like getting on a roller coaster that takes you up, down, and around…but this ride is not one you can easily predict. You’ve watched others get onboard and hit speeds that amaze you, and you’ve seen what it can do to their faces, mid-sections, and personalities.

And you swear that won’t happen to you.

Wow, I’ll never look that bad in a swimsuit. For sure, I won’t walk around with hair that color. You won’t catch me wearing something that age-inappropriate.

But we all have been guilty, right? If not in public, then within the confines of our homes. Who hasn’t walked past their bedroom mirror and wondered who that is in the reflection…it must be the poor lighting.

But as many others who’ve walked ahead on this path, we eventually relax a bit and accept—even celebrate—the changes that are happening. A bit of gray can be distinctive. Reading glasses have never been more chic. It’s a whole lot more relaxing at the beach when you’re not trying to hold in your stomach.

And woohoo for senior discounts!

I hear someone on the radio talking about an older friend of theirs who said, “I only have about 30 more summers, I want to make the most of them.” (The person who said this is 68.) You bet. If a good long lifespan can be divided into thirds, then this can be the best one—the one where you guard your time for what matters.

Want to get a coloring book and buy some crayons? Go for it. (Be sure to close your eyes and smell them before you even use them, you’ll go somewhere magical.)

Want to drive to a natural retreat and just sit and listen to the morning birdsong? Do it. And turn off your phone.

Want to learn Italian? No one needs to know but you. And your brain will thank you.

What is harder is when you start to feel your mind is not quite as sharp as it once was. It’s infuriating to not be able to remember a last name, or how you modified that recipe before, or which player made that amazing play last year to win the finals.

And it can be frightening as well, especially if a parent or other loved one spent their last years in cognitive decline.

There’s no easy answer to that, but there are ways we can fight back, or at least slow it down. Regular exercise (not just an extra trip to the fridge. Actual cardio and strength work.) A healthier diet (Sit down to more fruits and veggies each day. Push back from the table before you are full.) Good companionship and opportunities to be around upbeat, interesting people. (Check out why people in the Blue Zones around the world have the greatest longevity).

Keep learning new things. Or even relearn some things you know you’ve forgotten. That can be hard to admit. But if it was worth knowing before, it’s worth relearning now.

And while we’re at it, let’s really let go of some of the stuff we don’t need to “know” anymore. It’s okay to store addresses and phone numbers in your phone (just occasionally read an old-fashioned map). Can’t remember a favorite recipe? Look up a new one, and see how it tastes. Has it been years since you did Tai chi? Just get up and gently move around, breathe deeply, and see how that feels.

And please, let go of things that caused pain, like the names of the mean kids in 8th grade or your first boss who didn’t like anybody. Maybe it’s worth forgetting.

It’s YOUR time. You’ve never been this wise. The universe is just waiting to show you what’s possible.

“Your problem is how you are going to spend this one odd and precious life you have been issued. Whether you’re going to spend it trying to look good and creating the illusion that you have power over people and circumstances, or whether you are going to taste it, enjoy it and find out the truth about who you are.” Anne Lamott

Happy birthday!

01/08/2019 /

Birthdays.  Lots of fun (?) as we get older.  Even our friends aren’t too thrilled when our day comes around.

Everyone’s busy.  Everyone’s broke.  Everyone’s scared to consider they also are aging.

But we celebrate them.  Or at least, we stop and consider them. Even though as we age, the age we are “sounds” different than it did when we were much younger.  Remember how old you thought your 45-year-old art teacher was?  How over-the-hill the bus driver was?  How you’d never look as “bad” as that gray-haired woman who lived down the street with all the cats?

50?  Yeech, that’s when you stop staying up late at night.  60?  You probably won’t leave the house then.  70?  Teeth in a jar.

And then we turn these ages…and realize how untrue all that is, how we had no clue when we were young that we were infants compared to what life is all about.  The experiences we have, the wisdom we gain, the pain we live through…it all makes us who we are right now. 

And that includes those wrinkles.  And extra inches around our waistline.  Nature is going to do what nature is going to do.  We don’t have to completely give up, we can get off the couch and go to the gym, walk 10,000+ steps a day or do some chair aerobics, and have an apple instead of a snack cake.

And we can celebrate right now, in this moment, being alive and not being a kid anymore. How great it is to no longer worry what everyone thinks about us all the time.  Not letting fear rule every decision we make.  Not putting important things off because we think we’ll live forever. Not thinking every disappointment or failure has doomed us for eternity.

In fact, it’s those disappointments and failures that give the cake of life its flavor.  You might not taste it at first, you might have to wait quite a while, but you’ll eventually detect the spices that make up your unique recipe:  the heartbreaks, getting fired, making a bad choice or two or three, poor judgment, bad haircuts and more.

And as baby boomers, we get to celebrate what all we’ve seen and it’s all part of us as well…landing on the moon, the battle for civil rights, protecting the environment…it’s not too late to stand up and make our voices heard when we see things going in the wrong direction.  We’re still here.  We’re smarter and more patient now (in most cases) and we have a lot to contribute.

So light those candles.  And make that wish come true.  Every day could be the birth of something wonderful—if we help make it so.

“Our wrinkles are our medals of the passage of life. They are what we have been through and who we want to be.” 

  Lauren Hutton 

Walking each other home.

04/30/2018 /

Life is so fragile.  Every moment is precious.  All around, there are people whose life has frozen in time…bad news about a loved one.  Eviction.  Divorce.  A frightening diagnosis.  Loss of a child.  Maybe a business failure or money crisis that feels like there is no way out.

As baby boomers and beyond, we’ve had our share.  And while it would be nice to think now we get to enjoy life, the joke is somewhat on us, or so I’ve found.  Life does not easier.  In fact, with the challenges of aging, it might get a lot harder.  And more painful.  So where’s the hope?

I think it’s in the fact that we are wiser, we are survivors, and we understand what is important, and what is not.

And I would hope,  we cherish what—and who—is most important to us.  Because as someone very wise said, “We’re all just walking each other home.”

I like that.  I like the idea that when we’re at our most desperate, spirits appear around us who can lead us forward.  Maybe we can see them—a dear friend, a spouse, even a beloved pet.  And maybe they are invisible…but I believe they are just as real as ever.  They’ve loved us, and they’re still with us.

It’s so hard to get frightening news.  And it’s also so hard to know someone you love just got that news.  But now’s when you channel your fear into something helpful.  Like listening, really listening when they need it most.  Giving them the opportunity to be sad, be angry, be profane or anything else they choose.

A friend who was over 80 died a few weeks ago.  She was truly an amazing person her whole life, overcoming the suicide of a brother and a daughter.  She was intelligent and talented.  A published author and accomplished musician.  She embraced the challenges of learning technology that was barely a dream when she was born. She never stopped growing.  And she didn’t let her pain stop her.

What I liked most about her was she was fully human. I think we forget how to do that sometimes…to just be.  To know that who we are is enough. We can learn and refine and strengthen and enhance, but in the end, who we are is who we are.  And it wasn’t a mistake (unless we use our skills to hurt others).

And maybe most importantly, we can use our humanity to be there for someone else in crisis…someone who shouldn’t have to be any braver, any calmer, or any nicer than they feel.  Because we love them.  And because they are us.  And because they might be needing us to let things get messy.  Listen to Fred Rogers (Mr. Rogers):

“Confronting our feelings and giving them appropriate expression always takes strength, not weakness…. It takes strength to face our sadness and to grieve and to let our grief and our anger flow in tears when they need to. It takes strength to talk about our feelings and to reach out for help and comfort when we need it.”

We’re all aging. We’re all going to die (it always amazes me how many people really think they won’t.) We all have limited time.  So maybe now’s the time to turn back to the basics…the skills you first learned.

Hold hands when you cross the street.

Be nice to your neighbor.

Brush your teeth.

Take naps.

Be kind to animals.

Love from the heart. We’re all on a journey…a journey that I believe leads somewhere glorious…and it’s good to remember that how we help one another along the way really does matter.

 

“It always helps to have people we love beside us when we have to do difficult things in life.”

Mr. Rogers

 

Older and better.

08/08/2016 /

IMG_4797Have you  heard the term “conscious eldering”? It’s all about the choices we make as we grow older…will we stay engaged, curious, and positive about life, or will we become hard, withdrawn, and resentful over our disappointments?

I’m sure you’ve known people who fall into both categories. Over the years I’ve interviewed hundreds of people over 50, some close to 100, and it truly seems it’s a matter of making up your mind to be one or the other. Barring extreme physical limitations, many people I’ve known who are on the negative side have simply decided it’s easier to be angry.

The relationship that didn’t work out.

The boss that never saw our brilliance.

The ungrateful child who grew up uninterested in being around us.

The fact that we were supposed to end up one way, and we didn’t.

Then there are the people I’ve talked to who bubble over with joy and vitality. They laugh easily and accept what life has thrown at them. And it’s not always been an easy road…some have lost a spouse, child, way of life, and even their health. They’ve had to move and give up prized possessions. Yet through it all, their attitude is one of acceptance and peace.

Maybe it’s a matter of being “conscious” about what we do when we come to those crossroads…is this tragedy going to break us, or bring us closer to our spiritual core? Will it humble us, or infuriate us?

I think having a spiritual foundation in whatever form you choose is a huge help. I also think that truly learning to let go, to be willing to heal old wounds and forget long-held grudges, goes a long way for easing our hearts and our minds. Just think how much energy we wasted being miffed about the past.

Life’s a zigzag, not a straight line. At least it is for me. Being over 50 makes a lot of things clearer, yet it’s still a mixed bag sometimes. But I do look around at other boomers and those in their 70s, 80s, and up and it seems that it’s never too late to change your attitude.

It may not be easy, but it’s not too late.

A doorMaybe you were a bit of a miser years ago, yet now you realize how hard the waitress is working and you open up your wallet a bit more with a better tip.

Maybe showing affection has always been a little hard for you because your parents never did it well, but now that you have grandchildren or great-grandchildren, you want to hug and hold hands and let them know how much you care.

And maybe all the things that always vexed you…waiting in line, bad drivers, people who are always late…now simply can be better tolerated by taking a breath, letting it go and realizing it’s not a personal conspiracy against you.

I don’t know about you, but I want to age with curiosity. Joy. Creativity. I want to feed my intellect and my spirit as much as I can, and not get my blood pressure up by rehashing old wounds or wondering why things aren’t like they used to be.

I genuinely believe this can be the absolute best time of our lives. Because even when the seemingly overwhelming challenges come at us, we’re more prepared than ever to use our strengths, ask for help, and turn it over to a higher power.

So why not now…it’s been a long hot summer. What better time to take a new path? Dance a new step? Rock a new wrinkle!!

 “A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.”

            John Barrymore

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