Category: Staying sane (Page 6 of 12)

Let it go!

07/25/2016 / Laura

Downsizing. Rightsizing. Simplifying. Purging. Lightening your load. It’s a popular theme for us over 50 boomers and beyond. And it can be quite liberating.

I mean who doesn’t enjoy the feeling of just getting rid of stuff? Especially when it’s still usable and could be of value to someone else. Thus the many trips to Goodwill, ARC, and other charitable organizations who know how to recycle and reuse.

But what all do you get rid of?

There’s the drawer full of socks you never wear. The books you never read or read so long ago you can’t remember. The strange knick-knacks some long deceased aunt or uncle bought you while overseas. That odd artificial flower arrangement. That weird scarf you can’t stand. The tie clip you wouldn’t be caught dead wearing.

That’s the easy stuff. But what about the rest?

It can be hard to separate the memories from some items. Sure, it’s not the prettiest vase on the planet, but Mother gave it to you. Or the pipe set from your grandfather. Or the painting your father’s aunt did that you ended up with but have never hung.

Is it okay to throw these things away?

Moving experts will tell you yes, it’s okay. Keep the memory. But maybe don’t keep the item. Especially if you’re moving. There’s just too much stuff. Too many boxes to pack. Too many boxes to unload.

(You know they multiply in the moving van, right?)

Yet there’s the guilt.

We remain convinced that somehow, those who have gone on the great beyond will know we just threw out that ceramic dog.

Seriously?

The late comedian George Carlin had a great routine about this….our “stuff”. We all have stuff. We have to move our stuff because our homes aren’t big enough to hold our stuff. Then there’s the stuff we take when we travel. Which stuff should we take?

Stuff.

Move cross-country a few times and you’ll have a new perspective. You don’t think you have that much, until you count the boxes in your garage.

Oh my God, how did I get this much stuff??

I think it’s kind of like friends. There are those people who are just on the fringe of our lives, who maybe like to “friend” us on social media but don’t really know our stories. People who wouldn’t be there at 2 a.m. in the emergency room if we called them.

But would be there if George Clooney were staying in our front room.

Do you hang on to them? Probably not.

You hang on to the people who care about you. Who ask you how you are and then wait for the answer. Who laugh with you, and cry with you. People who let you be who you are, warts and all.

Those you keep. Always.

Many older people face a lot of anxiety and sadness when they are told to “rightsize” so they can move into a smaller residence, often a senior living community. Understandably, giving up cherished antiques can be quite upsetting. But think about it: how much space do you really need?

How much space do you actually live in?

Is it the antique, or the memory, that lives in your heart?

I can tell you this; being about to embark on another cross-country move and packing boxes until my eyes roll backwards has inspired me to part with many things. I can only hope they give others joy.

I know I feel simply giddy.

“How many things are there which I do not want.”

Socrates

Are you who you are?

04/25/2016 / Laura

At this point in our boomer and beyond lives, it’s safe to say our personalities are pretty set. Whether we realize it or not, we project how happy we are, how generous or selfish we are, and how positive or negative we are. Granted, we might have an occasional epiphany or revelation that stops us in our tracks, but for the most part, we are a specific person—and others know us by this.

Then again, is this who are we really? Is this who we really were meant to be?

Without getting too crazy, think about it this way: are you the man or woman that society, your parents, your spouse and your boss expects you to be? When deep down, there’s a rebel dying to get out….

An artist straining to break free and do something unique….

An adventurer who wants to throw caution to the wind and roam the world….

A peaceful counselor who’d rather negotiate that join in the regular family fight….

A contemplative who much prefers solitude and a pen and paper to raucous family get-togethers….

And if you’re not letting that inner person shine through now, when will you?

Professor, writer, and mythologist Joseph Campbell says “the heroic life is living the individual adventure.” Here are some of his thoughts:

“If what you are following is your own true adventure, if it is something appropriate to your deep spiritual need or readiness, then magical guides will appear to help you. If you say, ‘Everyone’s going on this trip this year, and I’m going too,’ then no guides will appear. Your adventure has to be coming right out of your own interior. If you are ready for it, then doors will open where there were no doors before, and where there would not be doors for anyone else. And you must have courage. It’s the call to adventure, which means there is no security, no rules.”

Picture a 70+ year-old man who decides he wants to hike the Appalachian Trail, and his children think he’s crazy.

Or a 65-year-old woman who sells her possessions and joins the Peace Corps because she’s always wanted to teach children how to sew.

Or something as simple as deciding you don’t like playing bridge every Thursday. Or wearing your hair the same old way (maybe a purple stripe?) Or being expected to watch the grandkids on the beach when in fact, you’d like to try surfing.

Why not?

It takes courage.

Tired…or exhausted?

04/18/2016 / Laura

It’s so easy sometimes to just give in to being tired.

Whatever it is you, Mr. or Ms. Baby Boomer, are facing that requires a burst of energy…you’ve done it so many times before. You’ve walked that path. Fought that battle. Thought it through a hundred times.

And you’re just weary.

It can even be a good thing. Like a 4-mile walk that will make you feel great. Or a new book club meeting that might introduce you to some new friends. Or finally tackling the garage and actually discovering what’s hiding behind the golf clubs.

It would be so much easier to just sit on the couch with the remote!

How did we get here so quickly? It wasn’t that long ago we were enjoying jam-packed weekends and evenings of fun without a thought to what time the Boston Legal reruns come on.

Younger friends give us a quizzical look when we say things like, “It starts kind of late, doesn’t it?” Or “You know, I can do one or the other, but probably not both.”

Or my favorite, “You’re younger than me, you’ll understand one day.”

And they will.

But still…sometimes I’m not sure how I feel about this. I do think it’s okay to pace ourselves now that we are boomers and beyond. We have spent a great deal of energy just dealing with life, and it’s okay to cut back. I’m seeing friends who perhaps have pushed themselves too hard for too long and their health is sending them a serious message:

Take it easy. Take a breath. There’s no race. There’s no hurry.

The real challenge is probably to know where the line is, between stopping to smell the roses (haven’t we earned that?) and becoming permanently affixed to the furniture.

Some days are better than others. Some seasons are more motivating than others. Being selective with our energy and our attention is a smart thing…something we older types know all about. And there’s physical reasons at play as well.

Maybe we’re not sleeping well. Taking medications that make us drowsy. Dealing with chronic pain or mobility issues. Even being bored can make you feel tired.

The National Institute on Aging offers these suggestions if you feel fatigue is getting the best of you:

Respect your body clock. If you are better in the a.m., then don’t tackle a mentally draining task in the late afternoon.

Eat fish. Not only is this good for your heart, but omega-3 oils can boost alertness.

Get your rest. Either go to bed earlier, or take a quick nap in the afternoon.

Drink lots of water. Dehydration is bad for lots of ways, but also can decrease your ability to concentrate.

Exercise regularly. You might see improvements in appetite, energy, and outlook.

Don’t smoke. It’s a drain on your energy.

All that said, you might just need a period of downtime…especially following a stressful career, death of a loved one, extended traveling, or any other challenge that required all you had to give.

So be gentle to yourself.

But don’t sit on that couch too long.

“For fast-acting relief, try slowing down.”

Lily Tomlin.

Maybe we’re okay as is.

04/04/2016 / Laura

It’s the start of the week, the month, and maybe a brand new season. We can look at it with anticipation and joy, or we can feel overwhelmed and even frightened.

Why can’t we get out of neutral and do the things we keep saying we will do? What if the months pass and we’re still just sitting here? Why does it seem like everyone else is making progress?

But then again, why don’t we boomers and beyond give ourselves a break?

Where is this critical voice coming from—the one that keeps saying we need to improve, to change ourselves, to transform our personalities into a lotus flower?

What if, for a moment, we considered how perfect we really are. What a miracle we are.

That maybe what is inside of us is just okay. That instead of hitting ourselves in the head with a block of wood, we should nurture our inner self and celebrate our spirit?

In other words, lighten up.

I like this notion. I like remembering that spirit made me and spirit lives in me. Way before teachers, preachers, or finger-pointers took hold of me, I existed. I shine. I live, breathe, and love. So maybe I’m just okay—without trying to become someone I was never meant to be.

In her book, “The Wisdom of No Escape”, Pema Chodron touches on these thoughts more than once. Her are just a few excerpts of her words:

“Loving kindness doesn’t mean getting rid of anything….we can still be crazy after all these years. We can still be angry after all these years. We can still be timid or jealous or full of feelings of unworthiness. The point is not to try to change our selves. Mediation practice isn’t about throwing ourselves away and becoming something better. It’s about befriending who we are already…if you throw out your neurosis, you also throw out your wisdom. Someone who is very angry also has a lot of energy; that energy is what’s so juicy about him or her…the idea isn’t to try to get rid of your anger, but to make friends with it, to see it clearly with precision and honesty, and also see it with gentleness….”

See it with gentleness. What a nice thought! Turn off the voices that tell you it’s time to develop a new personality. Put down the whip. Think soft instead.

Pema also says:

“Life’s work is to wake up, to let the things that enter into the circle wake you rather than put you to sleep. The only way to do this is to open, be cautious, and develop some sense of sympathy for everything that comes along, to get to know its nature and let it teach you what it will. It’s going to stick around until you learn your lesson, at any rate. The journey of awakening—the classical journey of the mythical hero or heroine—is one of continually coming up against big challenges and then learning how to soften and open.”

We’ve earned a little softness. We’ve endured a lifetime of struggle, pain, happiness, sadness, and just about everything else. So does it really make sense to think we’re doing it all wrong? I don’t think so.