Category: Staying sane (Page 2 of 12)

Sizing up aging: finding clothes that fit.

08/21/2018 / Laura

Some people hate going to the dentist. Others do anything to avoid cleaning out the garage. Or doing their taxes. Or raking leaves.

Me…shopping for clothes. Oh it used to be fun, years ago. Maybe I’m crazy but it sure seemed clothes were more attractive back then. Putting them on wasn’t difficult. (Weren’t the buttons bigger? They sure seemed bigger.) Looking in the mirror wasn’t akin to watching a vampire movie.

Not anymore. Is it me, or does there seem to be a conspiracy of ugly clothes, impossible sizes and dressing room mirrors that double as carnival sideshows?

Just because we’re boomers, we shouldn’t have to be tortured when we go shopping.

Things change. We’ve changed. And clothes have changed…and it seems, not for the better.

A new study published in the International Journal of Fashion Design, Technology, and Education reveals, “The average size of an American woman is now between 16 to 18, which is an increase from 10-year-old data that indicated most women in the U.S. were a size 14.” Scientists have now determined that the average waist circumference has increased 2.6 inches in the past 21 years, which is why there has been an increase in clothing size.
According to a study by J. Walter Thompson London, 69% of women between 53 and 72 feel that they’re ignored by the fashion industry. Some 82% of the women surveyed believe that the clothes aimed at their age group are too old-fashioned.
And it’s not only women. The average weight of American men has increased by about 15 pounds over the last two decades, according to a new study published today by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC).

Especially depressing is to embark on a new fitness program, sign up for classes, be ready to sweat and work hard, and then try to find workout clothes you can breathe in. Surprise! They are made for 75-pound people who run along the shore all day posing for soft drink commercials. They are not made for anyone who wants to lose 10 pounds.

Why are we letting this happen? We should rebel.

All of us.

Give us clothes that ft. Give us clothes that we feel good in. Give us clothes we can actually leave the house in.

After all, it was OUR generation that transformed fashion, took risks, brought high styles to women in affordable, wearable clothing. So why have we been abandoned? Why does it feel like a scene from a James Bond film when we shop? (“We’ve caught you, double agent 543, and now for the torture…you have to try on these clothes, in front of a 3-way mirror, and actually walk out into the store! And if you don’t give us the secret war codes, you’ll have to try on….a swimsuit!!”)

According to Forbes:

“Boomers are finding themselves trapped between two worlds–desperate not to become their parents and reluctant to dress like their children. Their challenge is to find clothing that is age-appropriate and fashionable….Unfortunately, according to a Mintel survey of Baby Boomers, more than half of respondents said there are few retailers that carry appealing merchandise, and one-third said stores catering to their demographic have unstylish clothing….

Yet it’s us baby boomers who have the most money to spend. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, the current 83.4 million Boomers have a collective spending power of more than $2 trillion and hold 50% of all discretionary income.

Add to the dilemma the barrage of messages you get online about all the things you should not wear if you’re over 50. Not that too many of us are running out the door in a micro-mini skirt or speedo swim trunks, but come on. After a while, it starts to feel like we should stay inside with the shades drawn, or just put a hole in a potato bag and tie a rope around our waists.

(Yes, children, potatoes used to come in bags. See how worldly we boomers are?)

RockTheWrinkle has made this appeal before to retailers: pay attention to us! Macy’s, Dillards, Chico’s, J Jill, whoever and whatever…get smart! If you stock it, they will come! Of course there’s always the great catalogs who seem to get it more than others, like Land’s End, LL Bean and others. Clothes that fit, sleeves long enough to cover a few brushes with too much cheese dip, and forgiving lines. And they actually look good.

But so many times a trip to the dressing room is just too depressing. And it shouldn’t be. We are NOT (most of us) a size 4. And we don’t want to be. We are beautiful, or handsome, just as we are and we should be able to dress that way.

And don’t even get me started on shoes . (But thank the universe for Aravon, Taos, Merrell, Cobb Hill, Rockport, Rieker and Jambo, to name a few. You make stylish shoes for women that take orthotics. Thank you.)

So what do you think? Do we stop shopping? Do we write designers and clothing manufacturers and tell them what we think? Do we call up online catalogs and offer our opinions? If you have an idea, I’d love to hear it. How are you handling this frustration?

“Style is something each of us already has, all we need to do is find it.” —Diane von Furstenberg

“Fashions fade, style is eternal.” —Yves Saint Laurent

“When in doubt, wear red.” —Bill Blass

Calling all warriors.

08/06/2018 / Laura

Have you been called upon to be a warrior?

Are you answering an inner urge to start over? To try a new scary path that no one else supports or understands?

To branch out on your own and seek new successes even in the face of huge odds?

If you’re a boomer and beyond, and you bravely decide to truly change your path, you’re going to encounter a lot of strange looks, shaking heads, and arguments about why it will never work. Yet if you truly know that your new path is where you have always wanted to walk, you must do it.

American Buddhist nun and teacher Pema Chodron touches on this in her book, “The Wisdom of No Escape.” She writes:

“When you really start to take the warrior’s journey—when you start to want to live your life fully, and you feel this passion for life and for growth, when discovery and exploration and curiosity become your path—then basically, if you follow your heart, you’re going to find that it’s often extremely inconvenient.

“Wholeheartedness is a precious gift but no one can give it to you. You have to find the path that has heart and then walk it impeccably. In doing that, you again and again encounter your own uptightness, your own headaches, your own falling flat on your face. But in wholeheartedly following that path, this inconvenience is not an obstacle. It’s simply a certain texture of life.

“Not only that, sometimes when you just get flying, and it all feels so good and you think, ‘This is it, this is the path that has heart,’ you suddenly fall flat on your face. Everybody’s looking at you. You say to yourself, ‘What happened to that path that had heart? This feels like the path full of mud in my face.’ Since you are wholeheartedly committed to the warrior’s journey, it pricks you, it pokes you. It’s like someone laughing in your ear, challenging you to figure out what to do when you don’t know what to do. It humbles you. It opens your heart.”

Now is the time. Listen to your spirit. The universe has quite a sense of humor—laugh with it.

Falling down a few times isn’t the worst thing that can happen to us.

Not trying is.

“Courage, above all things, is the first quality of a warrior.”

Carl von Clausewitz

Sand in the Vaseline

06/19/2018 / Laura

As we age, we’re supposed to grow wiser. That’s what we always heard would be the reward, that we would know more, have more experiences to draw from, and maybe even have more patience with the little things because we’d seen it all. So in theory, we would not get as upset about things or at least, we would let the little things upset us as much.

That’s the theory. I’m still waiting on that to kick in.

Granted, there are a lot of things I don’t worry about anymore, which is a very good thing. I attempt an acceptable level of hygiene, but I don’t get too wound up about a wrinkled pair of jeans or the different shades of skin that cover my legs. I actually have moments in the car when the tailgating hot rod behind me doesn’t send me into fits of bad language. I can let it go when I have to step over a present a neighbor’s pet left for me. Okay. That’s all quite evolved.

But I’m finding that other things really are like sand in the vaseline. Irritants that my soul just can’t abide. And maybe surprisingly, it’s directed quite often at other baby boomers and beyond. Because surely they should know better!

For example, I don’t understand:

• How can you still think you are better than someone else, just because you happen to be born a certain color?

• How can you still make inappropriate jokes that demean other human beings? Or let your friends do the same and not say something?

• How can it be okay with you to attend church each Sunday and then give your allegiance to a politician who advocates lies, sexual misconduct, hatred, greed and disregard for people whose profession is checking on the government and reporting the truth back to the people?

• How can you visit a beautiful, pristine wilderness area and toss your garbage out the car window, leave your campfire smoldering in a fire danger zone, blast your iPod on trail, and honk at a fawn that isn’t crossing the road fast enough for you?

• How can you think cheating someone else is okay, whether it’s through cheap tipping, cutting them off in line, or not letting them into your club/neighborhood/place of worship/swimming pool?

I just don’t understand. We’re older. We’ve lived. We’ve been hurt. We’ve learned how hard life can be sometimes. How fragile we all are, and how we have no idea if the person next to us is dealing with a disease, a major loss, fears or worse. And since we don’t know, we should know by now to err on the side of kindness.

Because we know how easily that person could be us.

These things irritate me, I admit it. Which I don’t think is a bad thing, because the day they stop bothering me, i will know that I have really checked out on the world.

I know there are those who will say well it doesn’t really matter, as long as you don’t actually hurt someone, you can do or say what you please. I disagree. I think you are hurting someone. I believe that principle that the ripple of a butterfly’s wings really does eventually reach the rainforest.

And I think we who are showing some gray have a responsibility to add some gentility to the universe. Not just for each other, but for ourselves as well. According to Random Acts of Kindness:

“Witnessing acts of kindness produces oxytocin, occasionally referred to as the ‘love hormone’ which aids in lowering blood pressure and improving our overall heart-health. Oxytocin also increases our self-esteem and optimism, which is extra helpful when we’re in anxious or shy in a social situation….According to research from Emory University, when you are kind to another person, your brain’s pleasure and reward centers light up, as if you were the recipient of the good deed—not the giver. This phenomenon is called the “helper’s high…. Like most medical antidepressants, kindness stimulates the production of serotonin. This feel-good chemical heals your wounds, calms you down, and makes you happy!”

Of course the irony is that I’m getting irritated at how hateful other people are. So I need to chill, right? Like I said, I’m trying. But I’m also hoping maybe others will stop a minute to think about the impact they are having on younger people. The example they are setting for their grandchildren. And how they are affecting their own health.

Wisdom is a gift. Let’s use it for the greater good. And maybe all of us can see in each other a soul that has walked a journey we can’t imagine, but we can respect.

Life is short.

And maybe if we stop clenching our fists and holding on so tight, we can receive even more. It’s way past time to worry about what the “other guy” is getting that we didn’t. That’s kinda what progress is all about it, right? That the next generation has it a bit easier? And for sure, that next generation isn’t going to look exactly like us. I’m all for that.

Just some things to think about. I’m going to work harder myself, especially when the internet goes out again.

Breathe. Just breathe. It’s worked before. I have a lot of practice at it.

“It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.”

Henry David Thoreau

Walking each other home.

04/30/2018 / Laura

Life is so fragile. Every moment is precious. All around, there are people whose life has frozen in time…bad news about a loved one. Eviction. Divorce. A frightening diagnosis. Loss of a child. Maybe a business failure or money crisis that feels like there is no way out.

As baby boomers and beyond, we’ve had our share. And while it would be nice to think now we get to enjoy life, the joke is somewhat on us, or so I’ve found. Life does not easier. In fact, with the challenges of aging, it might get a lot harder. And more painful. So where’s the hope?

I think it’s in the fact that we are wiser, we are survivors, and we understand what is important, and what is not.

And I would hope, we cherish what—and who—is most important to us. Because as someone very wise said, “We’re all just walking each other home.”

I like that. I like the idea that when we’re at our most desperate, spirits appear around us who can lead us forward. Maybe we can see them—a dear friend, a spouse, even a beloved pet. And maybe they are invisible…but I believe they are just as real as ever. They’ve loved us, and they’re still with us.

It’s so hard to get frightening news. And it’s also so hard to know someone you love just got that news. But now’s when you channel your fear into something helpful. Like listening, really listening when they need it most. Giving them the opportunity to be sad, be angry, be profane or anything else they choose.

A friend who was over 80 died a few weeks ago. She was truly an amazing person her whole life, overcoming the suicide of a brother and a daughter. She was intelligent and talented. A published author and accomplished musician. She embraced the challenges of learning technology that was barely a dream when she was born. She never stopped growing. And she didn’t let her pain stop her.

What I liked most about her was she was fully human. I think we forget how to do that sometimes…to just be. To know that who we are is enough. We can learn and refine and strengthen and enhance, but in the end, who we are is who we are. And it wasn’t a mistake (unless we use our skills to hurt others).

And maybe most importantly, we can use our humanity to be there for someone else in crisis…someone who shouldn’t have to be any braver, any calmer, or any nicer than they feel. Because we love them. And because they are us. And because they might be needing us to let things get messy. Listen to Fred Rogers (Mr. Rogers):

“Confronting our feelings and giving them appropriate expression always takes strength, not weakness…. It takes strength to face our sadness and to grieve and to let our grief and our anger flow in tears when they need to. It takes strength to talk about our feelings and to reach out for help and comfort when we need it.”

We’re all aging. We’re all going to die (it always amazes me how many people really think they won’t.) We all have limited time. So maybe now’s the time to turn back to the basics…the skills you first learned.

Hold hands when you cross the street.

Be nice to your neighbor.

Brush your teeth.

Take naps.

Be kind to animals.

Love from the heart. We’re all on a journey…a journey that I believe leads somewhere glorious…and it’s good to remember that how we help one another along the way really does matter.