Category: Staying sane (Page 1 of 12)

A Boomer’s Thanksgiving 2021.

11/25/2021 /

It’s here.

That moment around the Thanksgiving table filled with wondrous high-caloric temptations and goodies when some young relative innocently raises his or her said and utters the dreaded sentence:

“Let’s go around the table and all say what we’re thankful for.”  

Uh oh.

By this point, you’ve either been in the kitchen since 4 a.m. and you’re mainly thankful for sitting down, or you’re already in a sugar-induced trance and you’re thankful for sitting down, or you’re trying very hard to keep from slapping someone and you’re thankful for sitting down.

But now the gauntlet has been thrown down.  You must appear to be somewhat intelligent.  Generous.  Considerate of those around you.  (Even though you’re convinced a few of them voted badly in the last election and maybe a few owe you money.)

Oh my, where is this tacky inner voice coming from?

Of course you’re thankful for good health. For the ability to see, walk and hear.  For friends and family.  For the food on the table, the roof over your head and the clothes you wear.  You’re truly grateful for it all, and you lift a sincere prayer for those who are not so fortunate.

And these days, there are far, far, far too many of those.

But just for a moment, take a look at the lighter side of gratitude.  The little things that maybe no one says out loud but several are thinking.  The little things that can make or break a day.

For instance, as a boomer, you might say you are grateful for:

Elastic.  

Naps.

Senior discounts.

Elevators.

Cheese dip.

No short-term memory (sometimes, it’s handy.)

More elastic.

The mute button.

Someone else bagging the leaves.

Indoor plumbing.

Chinese take-out.

Remotes.

Your favorite sweatshirt.  Socks.  Cap.

Watching the original “Bishop’s Wife” every holiday and feeling like Cary Grant and Loretta Young are right next to you.

A warm cat on your lap.

A warm dog lying across your feet.

Fat pants.

Not answering the phone after 8 p.m.

“Arthritis” caps on Alleve.

Eyeglasses.  Several pairs of eyeglasses. 

Knowing where these eyeglasses are.

Phoning an old friend and enjoying a happy hour over the phone.

Knowing your turkey and dressing turned out wonderfully because you’ve been making it longer than just about anyone else in the room.

Booster vaccinations.

Taking real joy in watching others and really understanding how precious life is.

See above.

And did I mention elastic?

As we get older, let’s embrace what we’ve earned…the right to sit back, breathe and enjoy it all…and focus on what really matters:  time to be grateful.  Time to relish in the small joys of life. And maybe a little extra time on the couch!

“I am grateful for what I am and what I have.  My thanksgiving is perpetual.”

     Henry David Thoreau

Welcoming Fall Differently

09/23/2020 /

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Fall in 2020

Early morning cool as you wave to someone across the street

Leaves starting their journey

Soft jackets with stubborn zippers that match your mask

Football games on televisions with masked cheerleaders

Squirrels getting busier

Chili peppers teasing your nose

Pumpkin carving at a safe distance

New pencils and sharp crayons on the kitchen table

Meeting new characters on television (including teachers)

Early blanket of darkness

Elk are bugling

Socks and sweatshirts and face guards and hand sanitizers

Warm cider and hot tea

A different light in the afternoon

Airing out the quilt and wanting to get underneath it until the election is over

Reading the Farmer’s Almanac

Stocking up on essentials but not buying all the TP on the shelf

Summer’s last gasp and yet it is hard to remember the last 3 months

Laughing by the fire pit at least 6 feet apart

Praying for exhausted doctors, nurses, EMTs

What is Fall for you? A time of exciting new beginnings? Or painful memories from years gone by? Does the cool air energize and inspire you, or do you wish summer’s warmth would linger?  Of course you may live somewhere that offers high temperatures year-round. If so, what does the change of season mean to you?

I’ve always viewed the fall with mixed emotions. As a child, it was the whole back-to-school thing. Then it was the back-to-campus thing during college. Then you “become an adult” and school calendars no longer rule your life. Yet now in this crazy age, I truly sympathize with how a global pandemic has interfered with all the traditions of returning to school, no matter the age. For children, for young people, for teachers, for parents.   

I do hope we can hold on to what is good about Fall.

IMG_6287I think it’s always been a time to go inward and be still.  Changing leaves. Gorgeous sunsets. A slowing down and taking care.

Now as I am much older, Fall is also symbolic of how quickly things change. How life passes before we’re ready.

Losing an amazing person like Ruth Bader Ginsburg is a strong reminder.  She didn’t sit around and wait for things to change.  She changed them. And she didn’t stop when she grew older.  What an inspiration!  We owe it to her to stay active, involved, and engaged in what is going on in this world.

We owe it to her to VOTE for decency, honesty, fairness, integrity, intelligence, and empathy—things that must be brought back to the White House if we are to survive.   Because the time to do so is NOW.

We don’t live forever. We can make plans and look ahead but we must not let time get away from us. We need to take the trip today, tell someone we love him or her today, have dessert first today.

We should not “postpone our joy”.

Fall is a new season. But I think inside, it’s also our cue to pull the blanket around us and warm up to our lives.

Luckily, as boomers, we have a lot of kindling.

“There is a pearl in every season. Find it. Then give all you have to claim it.”

       Joan Sauro

“I would like to be remembered as someone who used whatever talent she had to do her work to the very best of her ability.”

Ruth Bader Ginsburg

How To Not Be Invisible.

02/18/2019 /

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Do you ever feel invisible? Like no one is hearing anything you say, or even noticing you’re there?

I confess I do at times, especially since as a boomer I’m older than so many of the people I come into contact with every day.

I see the part-time salesperson in the clothing store for hopelessly thin and young women sigh a bit when she has to wait on me. I order food at a deli counter and I know the person ringing it up is looking right through me. It’s no my order often gets lost. Am I truly fading away, or does the under-50 world just not want to acknowledge I’m there?

50+ men complain that women not that much younger than them call them “sir”. Few women over a certain age like to hear the word “ma’am” from a handsome waiter who already seems to be humoring them.

Then there’s the type—as a friend of mine says, we’ve all met this person—he/she is much younger, inexperienced in his/her field, yet already magically seems to know so much more than we do and sees no reason to consider that our opinions and guidance are based on actual experience.

And while a person can be proficient at something at only 25, I prefer to rely on the experience of someone aged 55, 65, 75, 85…etc. There’s an internal transformation that takes place with time. It is impossible to explain but it is very real. You just know more about some things, like how to stay cool under pressure and what really matters (and it’s not how many friends you have on Facebook).

(And at the same time, I very much like to be around a younger person who is so savvy about technology, metrics, social media, and more—I enjoy learning what they know, or at least benefitting from their knowledge—as long as they’ll show me the same respect.)

 

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It’s not always an age difference that brings up these feelings. If you’ve recently made a big change in your life, it’s likely you’re feeling more invisible these days. Suddenly there are new co-workers, new neighbors, new friends…or maybe it’s more a case of having removed yourself from the workforce, a marriage, a destructive situation. It can feel like there’s no barrier between you and the indifference of the world. You’re a baby boomer, putting yourself out there anew all over again. It’s a bit daunting.

I think sometimes we have to sit back and take a breath, and remind ourselves who we are.

We’re not over the hill.

We’re not past our prime.

We’re intelligent. Generous. Helpful. Involved. Curious. Worth knowing and worth listening to…whether it’s our opinions or our advice.

Many of us over 50 are just beginning to hit our most productive strides.   Some people will see that and acknowledge it. Some won’t—but does that truly matter?

If there’s a person who never seems to see or hear me, then maybe I need to be around others more. If it’s a room filled with 20-somethings, I just need to remember that when I was that age, I probably couldn’t think clearly enough to take in anyone else’s wisdom anyway. If my client thinks I am too old to do something creative, then I need to knock his/her socks off with my ideas.

And sometimes, it’s a simple matter of standing tall, speaking firmly, making good eye contact and being confident. Hey, we’re baby boomers! We are NOT invisible!

 

“I am not a has-been. I am a will-be.”

                        Lauren Bacall

 

 

 

 

The bird in the airport.

11/06/2018 /

The bird in the airport.

You know the one I mean.

The little bird you see hopping around near the unused gate. Out of place, confused, yet hopeful. Surely there’s a way out of this giant place, but none of the doors or windows ever seem to open.

file0002082373718How did he get there? What does he eat? Where does he sleep?

I find myself worrying about this little guy, even while dragging myself through terminals with too much hanging from my shoulders and more often than not, too much time on my hands due to canceled or delayed flights.

He seems to make the best of his situation. Scampering about looking for crumbs. Staying out of the way of heavy suitcases and beeping trams. At least he’s sheltered from the outside, no worries of a sudden storm or fierce wind blowing it from a tree limb.

But does he ever feel the sun on his feathers?

 Does he miss flying close to the sky? Has he ever done so?

 Does he sense that there’s something he’s missing, that’s just a few feet away, waiting for him?

Do you ever feel like that? Trapped in the same routine, the same life plan, walking the same path day after day, not even noticing anymore that there is something else out there?

It’s so much easier to just stay where you are. On the couch. At the kitchen table. Sitting by the phone. Places that don’t really connect to your soul; yet have become comfortable and familiar.

Because getting out there…finding a way out to the great beyond…is difficult. And scary. And unpredictable.

165HAnd there’s nothing wrong with sitting still, staying where you are, and finding peace in the familiar. As long as it is what you truly want. And if you’ve had a lifetime of taking risks and putting yourself out there, you’ve more than earned some sit-still time.

But if you start to feel confined…if you can’t remember how you got where you are…if you’ve stopped listening to what heart and soul is saying….that’s another story.

It’s hard enough to negotiate the airport, much less free your spirit to take wing.

 

“Hope” is the thing with feathers –

That perches in the soul –

And sings the tune without the words –

And never stops – at all –

 

And sweetest – in the Gale – is heard –

And sore must be the storm –

That could abash the little Bird

That kept so many warm –

 

I’ve heard it in the chillest land –

And on the strangest Sea –

Yet – never – in Extremity,

It asked a crumb – of me.

  

Emily Dickinson, “Hope is the thing with feathers”

 

 

It’s a good idea to remember that those around us might be just as unsure of where they want to be.  Their days might not be filled with the people or the activities they’d like.  They might be dreaming of taking flight, yet they are realizing those days might have past.  So when our paths intersect, maybe we can cut the other person a little more slack.

Because even when we’re not “going somewhere”,  we are still on a journey.  And kindness from strangers is always welcome—as well as from those we know very well.

Maybe next time you’re in the airport, leave a few extra crumbs on your chair. It might mean the world.

 

“You haven’t seen a tree until you’ve seen its shadow from the sky.”

        Amelia Earhart

 

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