Category: Sharper brains (Page 1 of 3)

Maybe it was worth forgetting.

06/10/2024 / Laura

Aging can be quite entertaining sometimes. Kind of like getting on a roller coaster that takes you up, down, and around…but this ride is not one you can easily predict. You’ve watched others get onboard and hit speeds that amaze you, and you’ve seen what it can do to their faces, mid-sections, and personalities.

And you swear that won’t happen to you.

Wow, I’ll never look that bad in a swimsuit. For sure, I won’t walk around with hair that color. You won’t catch me wearing something that age-inappropriate.

But we all have been guilty, right? If not in public, then within the confines of our homes. Who hasn’t walked past their bedroom mirror and wondered who that is in the reflection…it must be the poor lighting.

But as many others who’ve walked ahead on this path, we eventually relax a bit and accept—even celebrate—the changes that are happening. A bit of gray can be distinctive. Reading glasses have never been more chic. It’s a whole lot more relaxing at the beach when you’re not trying to hold in your stomach.

And woohoo for senior discounts!

I hear someone on the radio talking about an older friend of theirs who said, “I only have about 30 more summers, I want to make the most of them.” (The person who said this is 68.) You bet. If a good long lifespan can be divided into thirds, then this can be the best one—the one where you guard your time for what matters.

Want to get a coloring book and buy some crayons? Go for it. (Be sure to close your eyes and smell them before you even use them, you’ll go somewhere magical.)

Want to drive to a natural retreat and just sit and listen to the morning birdsong? Do it. And turn off your phone.

Want to learn Italian? No one needs to know but you. And your brain will thank you.

What is harder is when you start to feel your mind is not quite as sharp as it once was. It’s infuriating to not be able to remember a last name, or how you modified that recipe before, or which player made that amazing play last year to win the finals.

And it can be frightening as well, especially if a parent or other loved one spent their last years in cognitive decline.

There’s no easy answer to that, but there are ways we can fight back, or at least slow it down. Regular exercise (not just an extra trip to the fridge. Actual cardio and strength work.) A healthier diet (Sit down to more fruits and veggies each day. Push back from the table before you are full.) Good companionship and opportunities to be around upbeat, interesting people. (Check out why people in the Blue Zones around the world have the greatest longevity).

Keep learning new things. Or even relearn some things you know you’ve forgotten. That can be hard to admit. But if it was worth knowing before, it’s worth relearning now.

And while we’re at it, let’s really let go of some of the stuff we don’t need to “know” anymore. It’s okay to store addresses and phone numbers in your phone (just occasionally read an old-fashioned map). Can’t remember a favorite recipe? Look up a new one, and see how it tastes. Has it been years since you did Tai chi? Just get up and gently move around, breathe deeply, and see how that feels.

And please, let go of things that caused pain, like the names of the mean kids in 8th grade or your first boss who didn’t like anybody. Maybe it’s worth forgetting.

It’s YOUR time. You’ve never been this wise. The universe is just waiting to show you what’s possible.

“Your problem is how you are going to spend this one odd and precious life you have been issued. Whether you’re going to spend it trying to look good and creating the illusion that you have power over people and circumstances, or whether you are going to taste it, enjoy it and find out the truth about who you are.” Anne Lamott

Voices of wisdom.

06/10/2019 / Laura

So many times when we talk about aging, we focus on the challenges, the inconveniences, the frustrations one can feel when the spirit is willing but the body may be growing weak. But what about the joys, the renewed insights and wisdom, the freedom that comes as we transition into the person we were always meant to be?

Take a listen to these great minds and how they have recognized the gifts of growing older…

“There is a gravitas in the second half of life, but it is now held up by a much deeper lightness, or “okayness.” … there is still darkness in the second half of life—in fact, maybe even more. But there is now a changed capacity to hold it creatively and with much less anxiety…. In this second half of life, one has less and less need or interest in eliminating the negative or fearful, making again those old rash judgments, holding on to old hurts, or feeling any need to punish other people…. Richard Rohr, Falling Upward

“I have found it very important in my own life to try to let go of my wishes and instead to live in hope. I am finding that when I choose to let go of my sometimes petty and superficial wishes and trust that my life is precious and meaningful in the eyes of God something really new, something beyond my own expectations begins to happen for me.” Henri Nouwen, Finding My Way Home

“As I get older, the more I stay focused on the acceptance of myself and others, and choose compassion over judgment and curiosity over fear.” Tracee Ellis Ross

“When we let go of our battles and open our heart to things as they are, then we come to rest in the present moment. This is the beginning and the end of spiritual practice. Only in this moment can we discover that which is timeless. Only here can we find the love that we seek. Love in the past is simply memory, and love in the future is fantasy. Only in the reality of the present can we love, can we awaken, can we find peace and understanding and connection with ourselves and the world.” Jack Kornfield, A Path With Heart

“Age has given me what I was looking for my entire life – it has given me me . It has provided time and experience and failures and triumphs and time-tested friends who have helped me step into the shape that was waiting for me. I fit into me now. I have an organic life, finally, not necessarily the one people imagined for me, or tried to get me to have. I have the life I longed for. I have become the woman I hardly dared imagine I would be.” Anne Lamott, Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith

It’s good to know we are not alone on this journey. It’s refreshing to know that we are still growing, still learning, still evolving…that new adventures await us and that all around us, there is energy and inspiration waiting to be tapped that can take us to places we never imagined.

And the best part: we get to do this now, wrinkles and all, because we couldn’t have done it before. Where are you on your journey? Are there lessons you’re just now learning that are giving you a whole new perspective?

Wherever you are, it’s the right place. And it’s only the beginning.

“Listen to the song of life.” Katherine Hepburn

Good News is Hard to Find.

01/30/2018 / Laura

Have you seen “The Post”? If not, please go as soon as you can. Encourage everyone you know to go. Find younger people and tell them they must go or they will be audited by the IRS. (It might work.)

Why is this movie so important?

Because nothing is more important than the truth, and nothing has come under more attack in the last year. The passion and convictions of those who dedicate their lives to journalism are vital to our freedom. Freedom of the press has been a fundamental pillar of the American society since its very beginning. The founding fathers knew it. The framers of the Constitution made sure it was included. Men and women have died over our rights to know what is really going on in our government.

It is in our DNA. It is who we are. And anyone—ANYONE—who does not understand this has no business holding public office.

But alas, many people chose reality TV instead, and that’s a mess that will take a few elections to clean up.

Meanwhile, consider the late Ben Bradlee, a great journalist and former executive editor of The Washington Post. He’s a central figure in The Post, which revolves around the publishing of The Pentagon Papers, when our government was lying to us about The Vietnam War. He also was a central figure in the Watergate scandal, when our government was lying to us about just about everything. I can only imagine what he would say if he were alive today.

Or Edward R. Murrow of CBS, who had the courage and stamina to continue to shine the light on Joseph McCarthy and his bag of lies…lies which destroyed the careers and lives of so many innocent people. People who actually had read the Constitution.

Imagine them today, having to read and hear what spews from the government…having to be insulted on a regular basis…having their questions dismissed or answered with a sneer…it staggers the mind.

I’m a baby boomer and I studied journalism in college, from at least a few teachers who were former newspapermen. They took a no-nonsense approach to the sacred nature of news. The tenets of journalism. (Yes, there really are tenets of journalism, though these days entire networks seem unaware of this.) My teachers taught us how to ask questions, write a news story, edit wire copy, and lay out pages. It was hard, but it was also rewarding and even fun (at least to me) because you got the sense of how important it was to get the facts—and the story—right.

You understood that if you worked in journalism, you had an obligation to the truth, to the audience, and to the greats who had gone before you.

We did all this on typewriters (non-correcting typewriters). One of my professors enjoyed giving us all the details of a story and then leaving the room, giving us about 15 minutes to write it. Then, just as the class was almost over, he would reappear and update the facts by changing a major detail, which of course meant you ripped the paper out of the typewriter and started rewriting as fast as you could to beat the bell. Many grumbled; some just dropped the class. I loved it. He knew what he was doing. Another professor would read my story and if it didn’t measure up to his standards, he’d rip it down the middle and hand it back to me, without a word. I learned how to write better first drafts.

I think of the Mary Tyler Moore episode when Mary and Rhoda have been sitting up late updating the station’s obituaries. They get punchy and write a funny obit for a local citizen who is over 100. Unfortunately, the next day that person actually dies and their fake obit is read on the air. Mary is horrified, and crushed when her boss Lou suspends her. He says simply, “Mary, the news is sacred.”

I agree. It’s why it’s hard for me to watch what is happening these days. Or see how social media posts a half-truth which is repeated so often that it starts being quoted as a news story.

Whatever happened to three sources on a story before publication?

And frankly, whatever happened to questioning things…taking a moment to realize something doesn’t smell right with what you just read on Twitter or Facebook…actually reading more than one news source to get the information…and recognizing the difference between an article and an editorial?

I have to believe there are enough people out there who value the truth, and who can recognize it. Remember, everyone thought the emperor looked great in his new clothes. Except for one honest boy.

And he saw the naked truth.

“You never monkey with the truth.”

Ben Bradlee

What you do (don’t) want.

11/06/2017 / Laura

You’d like to be thinner, but you enjoy pretty good health.

The car is really boring, but it’s paid for.

He’s doesn’t share your values, but he’s willing to help in an emergency.

The fog is too heavy to see through, but the golden and red leaves covering the path under your feet are so lovely.

You’d really rather be over there, but you’re okay here.

It’s enough to make you crazy. This whole back and forth of what we want, what we need and what we be better be careful we ask for. Cause we might get it.

They say being able to delay gratification is a sign of maturity. But what about the yearning for it that won’t go away? The incessant buzzing like a mosquito in your ear that keeps telling you hey, you’re supposed to be someplace else. Doing something else. With someone else. Living this other life. You know, the one you live in your head.

Is it enough to practice gratitude every day? Or do we have to go deeper….finding the shutoff valve in the very back of our head where our parents’ voices, our teachers’ voices, and whoever else we’ve invited to take up space keep telling us how it all should be. As my mother used to say, “how the cow ate the cabbage.”

Technology isn’t much help. Even though we’re boomers and we lived many years not having so many things at our fingertips, we’re getting spoiled too. A recent Psychology Today article touched on how so many younger people have been conditioned to think everything comes as quick and easy as a Google search. Like relationships:

“Young people are lacking a sense of meaning and feeling unsatisfied at a deep level. Simultaneously, there has been a deterioration in the depth, reliability, and connectedness of friendships and relationships in general. The reason, in part, for these unfortunate changes is that we have taken the values and expectations that we have learned through our relationship with technology, and applied them to all of life. And yet, immediacy and ease, as values for the more profound aspects of our existence, don’t work.”

Things take effort. Change can hurt. It’s not easy to get in shape. Get a better job. Make a scary move. Cut all your hair off and dye your head pink. Whatever it is, it’s not just going to happen. You have to put in the effort.

Maybe sometimes the real lesson comes in just sitting in confusion. Enduring the anxiety that arises when the way ahead is not clear. Actually being still.

As Wendell Berry says:

“It may be that when we no longer know what to do, we have come to our real work and when we no longer know which way to go, we have begun our real journey.”

Could that be true? If so, it’s actually kind of encouraging. Because instead of feeling like you’re at the end of the road, it means there’s another path ahead. One that will take you somewhere new and maybe unexpected…but maybe exactly where you need to be.