This morning I made a major change in my work life, I let go of a situation that has become too negative and stressful over the past few years. It’s a situation I’ve been involved in for over 20 years, but the players have changed a great deal and the demands have grown and my heartfelt zeal has long since disappeared.
Yet I am somewhat mystified and almost ashamed to say that even at my 60++ age, after all these years, I still feel compelled to explain why I’m ending something.
Normal, healthy people must be able to just resign or walk away from something in a few words, get their hat and keys, and leave. (The whole Jerry Lewis thing where he used to stand up, put the file folder under his arm, and start to walk away.) Not me. I always feel compelled to spell out and quantify why I’m taking the action. I feel guilty for taking care of myself, for putting myself first.
That’s just not right.
I know that, and even though this time I held to my convictions and decided to put myself first, for once, it still felt strange and as though I’ve done something wrong. Wow.
How many times in our lives have we made room for others, in our hearts and minds? How many times have we forgiven the painful words or looked the other way when a colleague took credit for what we’ve done? Ever gritted your teeth during a meeting? Wanted to open a window and run as fast as you could away from it all?
Truly wondered why you are still in a situation, any kind of situation, that has been not positive for a very long time—and you don’t have to stay in it?
I recently made a commitment to myself: to live as long and healthy a life as I possibly can. Sounds pretty simple, right? Well for me, it’s involved making some real changes. What I eat, how much I move, what I do with my stress, how I connect with my higher power. And taking this most recent action—removing the elephant’s foot from my chest—is part of that.
Sometimes, you get to the place where you realize that it really is up to you…the calvary aren’t coming. The unfair client or manager isn’t going to throw their arms around you. Your relative who is always hateful isn’t going to have a revelation that changes how they interact with you.
YOU are the one who has to change the reality—which often means just removing yourself from the situation. And YOU are the one with the years of wisdom, life experience, and wrinkles to do it NOW.
A book I read once told this story: a woman is standing outside on a sidewalk. Suddenly, a bucket of water rains down on her from an apartment window above. Then before she can move, another bucket of water is poured on her. She looks up, furious, and demands the person stop doing it. A man walks up and says, “why don’t you just move out of the way?”
Yes, why?
Actress Ellen Burstyn said, “Courage is the reward you get after you do something you are afraid to do.” Isn’t that spectacular? And why are we so afraid anyway to show up for ourselves? We’ll drive in rush hour traffic, fight a grizzly bear for our children and loved ones, and take a bite of something we know we aren’t going to like, but we won’t take our own hand and walk to the front? Crazy.
If we don’t treat ourselves fairly, who will?
I am a huge fan of the late John O’Donohue. In this wonderful book, To Bless The Space Between Us, he says many things that are worth pondering. Here’s just a sample:
“Behind each face there is a unique world that no one else can see. This is the mystery of individuality. The shape of each soul is different. No one else feels your life the way you do….The great law of life is: Be yourself. Though this axiom sounds simple, it is often a difficult task. To be yourself, you have to learn how to become who you were dreamed to be. Each person has unique destiny. To be born is to be chosen. There is something special that each of us has to do in the world….”
You ARE important. You do have a path. If you’re feeling weighed down by people, things, or places that are wrong for you, break away. No, it’s not easy. But it’s so worth it. To breathe more deeply than you ever have. To really celebrate all you are, and all you still will be.
Like they say, “it ain’t over ‘til it’s over.” And it AIN’T over! Get out there and rock it NOW!
“May you recognize in your life the presence, power, and light of your soul.”
John O’Donohue
Hi Laura,
In reading this I was reminded of two things.
In the movie Mary Poppins she has a line, “Let me make one thing perfectly clear. I never explain anything.” It’s one of my all-time favorite movie lines. Each year, when we pull that movie out to watch again, and I hear her say it, I say, “Go Mary Poppins! You tell him!” Lol
After retiring from a thirty-year career (which I thoroughly enjoyed) and moving to a new state, I still needed to work a job before I could retire for good. When I retired, over two years ago, a coworker who’d also retired gave me a beautiful little notebook with these words on the front, “Her life changed the moment she let it.” Very true. I’ve been pursuing my dream, in my way, on my time table ever since in a town and state my husband and I both enjoy. It’s a lovely and fulfilling existence.
Congratulations on making your decision.
thanks! I’m not retired yet..even though it’s been 42 years, egads..but I did retire this one client! Which felt great! I hope in a few years to really be free…we’ll see how it goes.
After all these years you still speak wisdom, you always spoke to me from your soul, Dam it has been over 30 years and I needed to hear a wise one from my pass guide my current path. Still on my journey too!