Where have I been? Why haven’t I posted in so long?

Such great questions. I owe an answer, yet I don’t think I’m the one you can ask.

Instead, ask the appliances, furnace, electrical connections, plumbing, and roof of my house. They will tell you how they all met one night under a full moon and decided to go haywire one by one, over the course of the past several months (continuing today).

Ask the gremlins that cause people I care very much about to have a disease, dementia, and other conditions that break my heart and steal my mental energy.

Ask the unpredictability of a work schedule that, even after 44 years (30 years as an independent), still can throw a wrench in the best of plans.

Not that I’m making excuses. I should still be able to turn out insight, humor, compassion, and even a little propaganda. But I confess that weariness does get the best of me sometimes.

You ever feel that way? Astonished at how tired you are? Wondering why it seems to take so much more effort to be out there than it used to? Is it our bodies, and the years behind them, that do this…or is how the world has changed and seems to take so much out of us than it once did?

So much anger. Too much fear. No clear path to higher ground.

Life is all about showing up they say. So we do. At our jobs. In our kitchens. At church. At birthday parties and graduations. We’re there, at least physically. I think a big part of us is somewhere else.

Hiking a mountain trail. Swimming in the ocean. Tossing a line into a moving stream. Watching the sun set.

And that’s okay. Because we’ve showed up a lot if we’re baby boomers and beyond. And maybe now a part of us is wanting some attention. After all, we promised our inner selves a fantastic retirement.

Yet it doesn’t seem to feel that way….shouldn’t there be something more? What is this longing that doesn’t seem to go away no matter what we accomplish?

Irish poet and philosopher John O’Donohue talks about longing…one that we never stop feeling. Regardless of how successful we are, how wonderful our relationships, how healthy our bank account, even just how happy we are. This longing never goes away.

As he says in his book “Eternal Echoes”….

“…Even when you achieve something that you have worked for over the years, the voice of this longing will often surface and qualify your achievement….even when you feel you have arrived, relax and let your self belong with all your heart. Then, the voice whispers and your belonging is disturbed. The voice always makes you feel as if something is missing. You are not able to name what is missing…. Something that feels vital to you lies out of your reach in the unknown. The voice comes from your soul….it confirms you as a relentless pilgrim on the earth. When you recognize that such unease is natural, it will free you….

“This eternal longing will always insist on some door remaining open somewhere in all the shelters where you belong. When you befriend this longing, it will keep you awake and alert to why you are here on earth. It will intensify your journey, but also liberate you from the need to go on many seductive but futile quests.

O’Donohue says this is a longing that can’t be satisfied on earth. We are born with it, we live with it, we leave this world with it. That may sound incredibly frustrating. But I find it a bit of a relief to know that I haven’t failed or dropped the ball just because I feel something isn’t quite complete yet.

As boomers we were raised to take pride in our work and to achieve success in as many ways as we can. That’s great. But there’s more to being alive, and these are the years to really experience as much as we can. And sometimes, that means recharging, stepping back, and dropping out for a bit.

The game isn’t over. We’re just waiting for the right time to make a play.

“The aim of life is to live, and to live means to be aware, joyously, drunkenly, serenely, divinely aware.” Henry Miller