Rock The Wrinkle

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Springtime for boomers

04/11/2016 /

Spring is here, and summer’s a heartbeat away.   Everyone’s looking forward to warm sunshine, cool evenings, barbecues, and vacations. Finally, you will be able to store the baggy sweat pants and fleece jackets and opt for short-sleeved shirts, shorts, and sandals.

Or will you? Does the thought of that make you wince?

Body image. It’s a touchy subject, especially as we get older. In our minds, (or at least in mine), we are permanently 38-46 years old, and a new pair of shorts or sandals is very appealing. It reminds us of picnics, baseball, and fresh green grass.

Then it happens…we look at ourselves in the mirror and wonder…

What happened to my legs?

 Why are there so many strange spots on my skin?

 Can I wear these clothes without everyone staring?

 And my feet…my toes didn’t used to look like this…are sandals impossible?

IMG_0130And don’t even bring up swimwear. Male or female, we often spend too much time before a mirror playing our least favorite game of hesitate and debate. Can I?  Should I?  Will I?

What if we all decided we are just okay, that we have earned every wrinkle, stretch mark, and hammer toe. We don’t live in Hollywood (at least not most of us) and we don’t have a makeup crew ready to make sure we look our most fabulous self every time we step out the door.

We’re real people. We’re over 50. And we’re hitting the beach!

Having a negative body image is more than annoying. It can hurt our health. It can lead to depression and anxiety. It can make us want to cut off interactions with others, whether it’s a day at the beach or going to the gym or any other activity that puts us around others. It can lead to eating disorders.

Maybe it’s finally time to toss out the idea that there is one ideal weight, shape, skin color, or hair color for everyone—we’re a mixed basket, which makes life wonderful. And that’s true for men as well as women.

What’s really hard is when you heard negative comments about your body when you were growing up. I think those are some of the deepest wounds and they can take a lifetime to heal. Even if you look in the mirror now and know that you’ve changed, and you’re no longer that child with thick glasses or braces or whatever your pain point was, you can still feel that way when you walk through a crowded room or enter a family reunion.

But we really aren’t the same…we’re older, wiser, and we know our true beauty, talent, and value lies within. We’ve learned exterior looks are fleeting. And we’ve probably seen many former classmates who were “most likely to” fall far short from their much heralded potential. (And while we’re not supposed to enjoy that, it can be hard not to sometimes.)

Maybe it comes down to rebooting our thinking.

168HSome studies show that when people focus simply on changes in eating and activity, and NOT on weight or size, they achieve much greater and long-lasting results. They start to feel better. They are healthier. They’re not running to the scales every day or staying inside when everyone else is heading to the pool.

They also do not compare themselves to others, and they spend more time with people who approach food and activity in a positive way. They talk to their children and grandchildren about loving themselves and not letting television or the movies convince them they should have different hair or noses or other body parts.

And maybe most importantly, they talk to themselves differently.

No more of this critical talk in front of a mirror.   You wouldn’t say these things to a friend. Why would you say it to yourself?

Granted, staying physically fit and active is so important to a long and healthy life.  Try tai chi.  Do some yoga.  Walk around a track.  If there’s a gym like Welcyon (for people 50 and better) in your area, drop by and see what they’re doing.  Don’t let the couch become your best friend.  But through it it all, don’t think you have to hide your gray hair or your wrinkles.

More and more, we hear and see boomers and beyond embrace who they are and live their lives with full gusto. It can be as simple as going sleeveless. Putting on a bathing suit. Brushing their hair and celebrating the white patches.

Donning bicycle shorts and taking that hill (no one, of any age, looks good in those anyway).

Spring is a time for everything to reach up to the sun and celebrate life. And that includes us!

“If you can’t make it better, you can laugh at it.”

            Erma Bombeck

Maybe we’re okay as is.

04/04/2016 /

It’s the start of the week, the month, and maybe a brand new season. We can look at it with anticipation and joy, or we can feel overwhelmed and even frightened.

Why can’t we get out of neutral and do the things we keep saying we will do? What if the months pass and we’re still just sitting here? Why does it seem like everyone else is making progress?

But then again, why don’t we boomers and beyond give ourselves a break?

Where is this critical voice coming from—the one that keeps saying we need to improve, to change ourselves, to transform our personalities into a lotus flower?

What if, for a moment, we considered how perfect we really are. What a miracle we are.

Swan_2That maybe what is inside of us is just okay. That instead of hitting ourselves in the head with a block of wood, we should nurture our inner self and celebrate our spirit?

In other words, lighten up.

I like this notion. I like remembering that spirit made me and spirit lives in me. Way before teachers, preachers, or finger-pointers took hold of me, I existed. I shine. I live, breathe, and love. So maybe I’m just okay—without trying to become someone I was never meant to be.

In her book, “The Wisdom of No Escape”, Pema Chodron touches on these thoughts more than once. Her are just a few excerpts of her words:

“Loving kindness doesn’t mean getting rid of anything….we can still be crazy after all these years. We can still be angry after all these years. We can still be timid or jealous or full of feelings of unworthiness. The point is not to try to change our selves. Mediation practice isn’t about throwing ourselves away and becoming something better. It’s about befriending who we are already…if you throw out your neurosis, you also throw out your wisdom. Someone who is very angry also has a lot of energy; that energy is what’s so juicy about him or her…the idea isn’t to try to get rid of your anger, but to make friends with it, to see it clearly with precision and honesty, and also see it with gentleness….”

See it with gentleness. What a nice thought! Turn off the voices that tell you it’s time to develop a new personality. Put down the whip. Think soft instead.

Pema also says:

“Life’s work is to wake up, to let the things that enter into the circle wake you rather than put you to sleep. The only way to do this is to open, be cautious, and develop some sense of sympathy for everything that comes along, to get to know its nature and let it teach you what it will.   It’s going to stick around until you learn your lesson, at any rate. The journey of awakening—the classical journey of the mythical hero or heroine—is one of continually coming up against big challenges and then learning how to soften and open.”

file000143069688We’ve earned a little softness. We’ve endured a lifetime of struggle, pain, happiness, sadness, and just about everything else. So does it really make sense to think we’re doing it all wrong? I don’t think so.

Life is hard. So if we can be gentle, especially with ourselves, that has to be the right path. At least it’s the one I want to take.

“The purpose of life is to increase the warm heart.”

     Dalai Lama

How fast should we go?

03/28/2016 /

The “Low Tire Warning” light came on my car a few days ago. Because I was across town from where I live, I had to keep driving. Nothing felt odd; when I stopped I could not see a problem. So I went on. And later, I ran another errand.

Then I actually sat down and read the owner’s manual, which of course shook its finger at me and said you idiot, you shouldn’t be driving on these tires until they are checked for a nail, slow leak, or the beak of a mynah bird embedded in the treads.

I made the appointment at the tire center, and one morning, I drove my car there. Luckily I only had to go about two miles. But now armed with new caution, I drove more slowly than I normally would.

Translation: I actually went the speed limit.

And the reaction of other drivers was really interesting. Here I am, in the slow lane, going the speed limit. Here they are, puling up behind me so fast they look like they’ve been shot out of a cannon, slamming on their breaks and barely missing me as they pull into the fast lane and hit the gas.

 

Steering Wheel Vintage Ford

 

Now if this was rush hour, or we were on a busy expressway, I would get it. But we are on a quiet residential road, and there wasn’t any traffic. Yet my going the (gasp!) speed limit was clearly an offensive act.

I confess I usually am a bit over the speed limit myself. But I do not tailgate people in the slow lane. I’m not real happy about being behind slow people in the “fast” lane, but I still don’t tailgate. I can’t afford it.

I couldn’t help but wonder where these people were going that fast. What was happening to their blood pressure as they sped past me? What kind of mood did their own aggressive act put them in for the rest of the day?

What is that important?

I’m at a point in my boomer life where I’m looking at the highway stretched before me, and the distance to the end is getting shorter. There aren’t as many exit ramps or scenic overlooks. I worry that I’m missing things.

That I won’t realize when I should go off-road and take a break.

Or see the sights.

Or just get out and stretch.

Because literally, I won’t be passing this way again on the road of life, at least not in this form.

Sometimes those feelings make me go faster. Sometimes they make me slow down. Days go by so fast. Seasons are a blur. In my mind, there’s still all this “time” to do so many things. Yet I’m realizing that’s not really true. If I want to do something, go somewhere, try something new I had better do it now.

It can be very daunting, can’t it? Which path do I take. Which broken relationship do I repair, and which is better left alone. Which new road is worth my time and energy to explore. Like Yoga Berra said, “When you come to a fork in the road, take it.”

So which lane do we get in?   And what about the other “warning” lights?

“Caution:  you just passed up a potential new love.”

“Danger:  put down the candy bar and go to the gym.”

“Beware:  your hair may suddenly make a u-turn.”

Maybe, like my car, we just make stops when we need to, refuel, repair, and keep going.  Because like my very inconsistent GPS, we never really know where the road is leading. There could be a detour just ahead.  But one thing we do know:  it sure feels good to keep going.

“Map out your future’—but do it in pencil.”

     Jon Bon Jovi

Where did I put that list?

03/21/2016 /

DSCN1325

Okay, enough with the ridiculous security questions when you try to register on websites.

I mean, coming up with new passwords you can remember is bad enough. But these questions….seriously?

  •  “What was the street you lived on as a child?” (If you’ve lived in several cities, this is quite amusing.)
  •  “What is your favorite movie?”   (what day is it?)
  •  “What is your favorite color?” (see above…or re-watch Monty Python and the Holy Grail)

And my current personal favorite:

 “If you had to have a different first name, what would it be?”

??????????

I thought I was registering an account, not enrolling in the witness protection program.

Many days, my main challenge is remembering, in no particular order:

  • Where my keys are
  • Where my glasses are
  • Where my wallet is
  • Where my gym pass is
  • Where the list is I just made

And now you want me to remember what I was thinking on that special day when I registered my account online….so that things would be “easier.”

Maybe I should just start putting the same answer for every question…remember Charlie Weaver on Hollywood Squares? No matter the question, his first answer was always “Efrem Zimbalist Junior.”

(Takes you back, doesn’t it?)

It’s like that word “remind”. I love how that sounds.   Like I get to have a new brain every day. Some of the synonyms of the word “remind” are “ring a bell. Strike a chord. Hark back. Jog your memory.”

Nice. Doesn’t make me feel like an idiot because I can’t remember the color of my satchel in second grade.

Scientists tell us our brains consist of approximately one billion neurons, and these neurons work together to help us remember things. The good news is our neurons keep growing throughout our lives. And there are all kinds of memories…immediate memories, working memories, long-term memories. I’ve also read the brain operates on the same amount of power as a 10-watt light bulb.

Which explains Congress.

IMG_0273 - Version 4

Animals know how to remind us of things, like mealtimes. They just sit about 3 inches away from us and stare intently at us. Perhaps even with a bowl in the mouth. Regardless of changes in time or seasons. They know what’s important, and when things need to happen. Without logging in.

I get the need for security and protection. But the harder you make the questions, the more likely we have to write down our answers, which kind of defeats the purpose, right?

Enough of this, it’s wearing out my brain. And reminding—no, wait—harking back that I haven’t updated my passwords in a while.

Better get out the dictionary. And the aspirin.

 

 

 “What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?”

                   The Bridgekeeper 

 

 

 

 

 

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