Page 37 of 54

Ready to risk?

05/09/2016 / Laura

You’re over 50. Or well past 60. You’ve decide to make a change. A big one. Take the new job. Retire. Move to the brand new address across the country or across the world. Marry someone who doesn’t quite fit your family’s heirloom locket. Or, (gasp) maybe you’re considering moving back to previous, less glamorous location after several years of living the dream.

And here it comes…

You’re too old.
You’re too young.
You don’t know anybody there.
You already have a good job.
You can’t do this by yourself.
What is something goes wrong?
Why would you want to start over?
Don’t you like it here?
Why would you want to live there?
How can you leave/ignore/betray your family?
How you leave/ignore/betray your friends?
Aren’t you scared?

How could you consider going back to where you started?
How could you give up what you have?
Don’t you love it here?
Don’t you love us?
Won’t you be going backwards?
Why can’t you make it work here?
Doesn’t it feel like you’ve failed?
Aren’t you scared?

It’s not that they don’t love you, they just don’t love that you are considering such a big change. Especially at your age.

The ironic part is 50+ is when you are best equipped to make a big change.

At least that was true for me. In my 20s and 30s, I was too busy trying to gain work experience and feel comfortable with everything life threw at me. I thought about making big changes a few times, but let fear and uncertainty stifle any real action. It wasn’t until I was able to cast off all the baggage of other people’s expectations that I could clearly hear what my soul was telling me.

And I’m so glad I listened. Because even though every major life change brings with it moments of anxiety, doubt, loneliness (and the occasional cheese dip binge), it also brings a great deal of peace. Leaving your comfort zone can be the best way to find out what—and who—really matters to you. When you put distance between you and the way things have always been, you can turn around and view it from a different perspective. It’s like standing in a museum and staring at an oversized canvas. The tiny, insignificant details fade away, the background blurs, and what is left is the core—the passion—of the painting.

Before, you saw the faces, you heard all the noise…. Now what is left? What images still touch your heart? Who do you genuinely miss and want to keep close forever? What truly matters in your life? I think it’s the good stuff—the stuff you have with you always, and can always return to.

In fact,I also think we must stay open to what comes after the big risk and the wonderful self-discovery. Sometimes, we come to a point where we start to realize we have made the dream come true. We did accomplish many things, have wonderful new friends, and gave ourselves a magnificent gift. And now that we done it, we might find ourselves longing to simplify our lives even more. And that could mean going back to where we started.

You will learn a lot when you start any new adventure. Here’s what taking a big risk taught me:

How anything is possible.
How lonely it can be.
How fantastic it can be.
Which friendships are real.
Which people live in my heart.
The wonder of email and texting.
Dogs don’t like change.
Learning new things requires forgetting some old stuff.
No matter how good you feel about things, you’re still going to occasionally wake up at 3 a.m. and wonder what the hell you are doing there.
There’s not always going to be a sign to point you in the right direction.
You can mow grass while it is snowing.
You can come home again. And again.
God is always there. He’s just quiet sometimes.

Changing your life, starting over, whatever words you use—it is not without its challenges.. But I believe the universe is standing by waiting to kick in a lot of power once you commit. The road may not be easy. But look where it can lead.

“Trust yourself, then you will know how to live.” Goethe

Clothes for 50+: Where are they?

05/02/2016 / Laura

Okay, clothing retailers, listen up.

I don’t care if you create clothing for the office, the beach, the gym, the couch, or any other use…for women or men…you have some explaining to do.

Why is it that an average-sized woman, let’s say a 10 or 12, goes to the store to try and find something and discovers that suddenly, even the extra large does not fit her?

Or a man who is a bit taller than average and maybe has a normal physique plus a few extra pounds finds himself having to check out the big or “hefty” section?

Where are the clothes that fit us…those of us who are not size 2? Are there really millions of people so pencil-thin they can wear skin-tight clothing and smile?

Odd. I sure don’t see them at the movies.

Or in the grocery store.

Or walking their dogs.

Or in a business meeting.

What I do see is a whole generation of people over 50 who are healthy, active, and yes, probably have a mid-section a bit larger than when they were 25. Guess what. It happens.

And it’s perfectly okay.

We still need to wear clothes. We’d still like to look nice…attractive…even sexy at times. And we’d like to do it all and still be able to exhale.

So where are we supposed to go for an outfit?

I find it most annoying when I’m trying to find so-called “active wear” that actually lets me be active without passing out from strangulation. You know, loose pants for yoga. Soft, breathable materials for T-shirts that have actual sleeves. Exercise shorts that don’t cut off circulation.

I mean, like many boomers and beyond, I’m trying to tone myself and be stronger…so why are there no clothes that understand this?

Excuse us for living. We’re over 50. We’re a major force when it comes to retail sales.

And we’re getting tired of being ignored.

I have no desire to try and look 25. I don’t have the energy. I celebrate my wrinkles, gray, and extra rolls that come with normal aging. But I also am not ready to cut holes in a gunny sack and head out the door. And sorry, but I know I’m not an extra extra large. And even if I were, I would expect you, Mr. Clothier, to want to help me look as good as I can. And quite frankly, I think you’re failing. Because most of the clothes I see that I guess are aimed at me are either unwearable, or flat-out ugly.

And this whole skinny jeans craze is not a healthy message to women or men….to look so thin that you disappear. To be ashamed you can’t get in a size zero. (Now if you are very thin naturally, or you are struggling with an eating disorder, God bless you. You also deserve to look as good as possible. But that’s not the point here.)

I call upon all the brands….Nike, REI, Liz Claiborne, Charter Club, Everlast, Prana, and others, as well as men’s fashions…don’t ignore us. Don’t ask us to be something we’re not. Go out on a limb and come up with some “active boomer” clothes….and I don’t mean what June and Ward Cleaver wore. I’m talking comfort. Style. And realistic sizes.

Help us want to be seen. So we can exercise. Travel. Laugh. Live. And yes, spend money on your products.

We’re rocking the wrinkle. You can too. And you’ll be glad you did.

“Never wear anything that panics the cat.”

P.J. O’Rourke

Are you who you are?

04/25/2016 / Laura

At this point in our boomer and beyond lives, it’s safe to say our personalities are pretty set. Whether we realize it or not, we project how happy we are, how generous or selfish we are, and how positive or negative we are. Granted, we might have an occasional epiphany or revelation that stops us in our tracks, but for the most part, we are a specific person—and others know us by this.

Then again, is this who are we really? Is this who we really were meant to be?

Without getting too crazy, think about it this way: are you the man or woman that society, your parents, your spouse and your boss expects you to be? When deep down, there’s a rebel dying to get out….

An artist straining to break free and do something unique….

An adventurer who wants to throw caution to the wind and roam the world….

A peaceful counselor who’d rather negotiate that join in the regular family fight….

A contemplative who much prefers solitude and a pen and paper to raucous family get-togethers….

And if you’re not letting that inner person shine through now, when will you?

Professor, writer, and mythologist Joseph Campbell says “the heroic life is living the individual adventure.” Here are some of his thoughts:

“If what you are following is your own true adventure, if it is something appropriate to your deep spiritual need or readiness, then magical guides will appear to help you. If you say, ‘Everyone’s going on this trip this year, and I’m going too,’ then no guides will appear. Your adventure has to be coming right out of your own interior. If you are ready for it, then doors will open where there were no doors before, and where there would not be doors for anyone else. And you must have courage. It’s the call to adventure, which means there is no security, no rules.”

Picture a 70+ year-old man who decides he wants to hike the Appalachian Trail, and his children think he’s crazy.

Or a 65-year-old woman who sells her possessions and joins the Peace Corps because she’s always wanted to teach children how to sew.

Or something as simple as deciding you don’t like playing bridge every Thursday. Or wearing your hair the same old way (maybe a purple stripe?) Or being expected to watch the grandkids on the beach when in fact, you’d like to try surfing.

Why not?

It takes courage.

Tired…or exhausted?

04/18/2016 / Laura

It’s so easy sometimes to just give in to being tired.

Whatever it is you, Mr. or Ms. Baby Boomer, are facing that requires a burst of energy…you’ve done it so many times before. You’ve walked that path. Fought that battle. Thought it through a hundred times.

And you’re just weary.

It can even be a good thing. Like a 4-mile walk that will make you feel great. Or a new book club meeting that might introduce you to some new friends. Or finally tackling the garage and actually discovering what’s hiding behind the golf clubs.

It would be so much easier to just sit on the couch with the remote!

How did we get here so quickly? It wasn’t that long ago we were enjoying jam-packed weekends and evenings of fun without a thought to what time the Boston Legal reruns come on.

Younger friends give us a quizzical look when we say things like, “It starts kind of late, doesn’t it?” Or “You know, I can do one or the other, but probably not both.”

Or my favorite, “You’re younger than me, you’ll understand one day.”

And they will.

But still…sometimes I’m not sure how I feel about this. I do think it’s okay to pace ourselves now that we are boomers and beyond. We have spent a great deal of energy just dealing with life, and it’s okay to cut back. I’m seeing friends who perhaps have pushed themselves too hard for too long and their health is sending them a serious message:

Take it easy. Take a breath. There’s no race. There’s no hurry.

The real challenge is probably to know where the line is, between stopping to smell the roses (haven’t we earned that?) and becoming permanently affixed to the furniture.

Some days are better than others. Some seasons are more motivating than others. Being selective with our energy and our attention is a smart thing…something we older types know all about. And there’s physical reasons at play as well.

Maybe we’re not sleeping well. Taking medications that make us drowsy. Dealing with chronic pain or mobility issues. Even being bored can make you feel tired.

The National Institute on Aging offers these suggestions if you feel fatigue is getting the best of you:

Respect your body clock. If you are better in the a.m., then don’t tackle a mentally draining task in the late afternoon.

Eat fish. Not only is this good for your heart, but omega-3 oils can boost alertness.

Get your rest. Either go to bed earlier, or take a quick nap in the afternoon.

Drink lots of water. Dehydration is bad for lots of ways, but also can decrease your ability to concentrate.

Exercise regularly. You might see improvements in appetite, energy, and outlook.

Don’t smoke. It’s a drain on your energy.

All that said, you might just need a period of downtime…especially following a stressful career, death of a loved one, extended traveling, or any other challenge that required all you had to give.