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Prince, and why we should wear more purple

We’re baby  boomers, most of us well over 50, so what are we supposed to act like?

Seriously.  When we were kids, our 50+ relatives were ancient.  Slow-moving.  Wore polyester.  Smoked cigars.

That wasn’t going to happen to us.

Now we’re there.  55.  60.  65.  70.  75+.  We reach these ages and they don’t feel so different, other than a new creak in the bones or maybe a little less hair.  But inside?

paisleyheader001Heck, we still can rock it.

So how are we supposed to act, dress, conduct ourselves around others?

Prince’s death really got me to thinking about this.  Granted, he was unusual.  Didn’t dress like others. Like to wear high-heeled boots and jump off pianos.  Looked good with some well-placed eyeliner. But most important, was touched by God in terms of musical talent.  Simply amazing.  Even if you don’t like some of the hits played on the radio, if you scope out some of his work on earlier albums, you’ll be blown away by his talent, musical ear, and savvy in the production room.

And he was generous, giving away millions, helping other musical artists, sharing his gifts.

Yet we tend to step back and judge, because he was different.  Especially for someone who was 57.  I mean, really.  What’s up with that guy?

Why the heck does it matter so much?

So few among us (at least it seems this way) really keep celebrating the inner child, the inside voice that wants to play, wants to run down the beach, wants to play the music much too loud in the car.

Instead, we conform.

We turn down the volume.

Especially when we get older.  After all, isn’t that how we’re supposed to act?

Is it?  Really?

What if we lived in world where it was more than okay for us people over 50 to look any way we choose, dance any way we want, and basically claim all the freedom and wackiness due us after making it this far?  What if we were the ones marketers wanted to sell the corvettes, vacations, fine wines, and giant speakers to?

What if the far left lane on the interstate was reserved for us?

NewWhipWhat if, like Prince, we put on a purple jumpsuit, sprayed our cane silver, and strutted down the street?  

Personally, I think we should.  At least inside.  if you can’t work up the nerve to do it outright, then try a few things.

Ride in your car with music you love turned up way too loud.  Windows open, please.

Buy a crazy scarf or feather boa and wear it to the grocery store.  Ask your barber or hairdresser about a little green highlight.  Sleep later than ever.  Have dessert first.

Wear purple.

Here are two poems, one for men, and one for women, about the joys and the freedom that come with aging.

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat that doesn’t go, and doesn’t suit me,
And I shall spend my pension
on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals,
and say we’ve no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I am tired,
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells,
And run my stick along the public railings,
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick the flowers in other people’s gardens,
And learn to spit.
You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat,
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go,
Or only bread and pickle for a week,
And hoard pens and pencils and beer mats
and things in boxes.
But now we must have clothes that keep us dry,
And pay our rent and not swear in the street,
And set a good example for the children.
We will have friends to dinner and read the papers.
But maybe I ought to practise a little now?
So people who know me
are not too shocked and surprised,
When suddenly I am old
and start to wear purple!

Jenny Joseph

 

and now for the gentlemen:

WHEN I AM AN OLD MAN
When I am an old man, I will wear plaid trousers,
let my shirt tail hang out on one side on Tuesdays,
and wear ties that clash with everything.
I’ll carry a cane whether I need it or not,
to waggle at people who ask stupid questions
and poke pretty young girls.
I’ll have my ear pierced, the one that says you’re gay
(whichever that is)
and grin if someone mentions it.
I won’t smile on Thursdays, even if I’m chuckling inside,
I’ll never be angry on Sundays,
except in months when the sun doesn’t shine.
Maybe I’ll shave, and maybe I won’t,
depends on which eye I open first in the morning.
I’ll spit in public places, but not on people’s shoes,
unless they deserve it,
and belch from both ends when the spirit moves me.
I’ll eat tacos for breakfast, ice cream with salad,
drink tea with honey, coffee with maple syrup,
and rum with nothing at all.
I’ll stare everyone straight in the eye,
give my opinion on everything under the sun,
if I’m asked, and especially if I’m not.
I’ll forget how to spell “rules” but not “integrity”,
“obligations”, but not “responsibility”,
“expectations”, but not “honor”.
I’ll speak to God direct, help him out when he needs it,
but gently, cause mainly he does good work,
when people leave him alone, that is.
I’ll cry at movies and funerals,
laugh at my own mistakes, if I make any,
hug my sons and my daughters every chance I get,
raise my hat to any woman wearing purple.
I think I’ll have more fun
saying what I think,
being who I am,
staring at the stars,
when I am an old man, wearing plaid trouser

 ……ROBERT N. McWILLIAM

 

 

Life is short.  Life is yours.  Don’t let anyone take a moment from you.  Enjoy.  Embrace.  Celebrate.

As a musical genius who preferred purple said in a famous song, “We could all die any day. … I ‘d rather dance my life away.”

Do it!  Rock that wrinkle!

“Each day is a new beginning.”

         Prince

 

 

Acting your age?

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Do you laugh out loud as much as possible?

Do you ever dance with the broom to your favorite song?

Do you pause to admire a cherry 57 Chevy when it rolls by?

Do you occasionally wander into the children’s book section just to revisit old friends who used to take you on adventures?

Do you ever watch Bugs Bunny alone and roar with laughter?

Do you sometimes reach down to feel soft, green grass, and remember what it was like to lay there for hours as a child?

Do you like to try new things, like hang gliding or zip lining?

Do you choose the most colorful hat in the store just because?

Do you buy peanuts at baseball games?

Do you eat ice cream cones at the beach?

Do you still gasp at great fireworks?

Do you put your toes in wet sand and wait for the tide to wash over them?

Do you sign up for classes just to learn something new?

Do you play golf with your pals and giggle when one of you misses the ball?

Do you ever roll down the windows and turn the music way, way up?

Do you still order fries?

Do you love how a swimming pool feels on a hot summer’s day?

Do you take a nap when you feel like it?

Do you kayak, hike, fish, bike, paddle board, roller blade, or anything else just to get outdoors on a beautiful day?

Do you still enjoy flirting?

Do you smuggle candy into a movie theater?

Do you ever draw, paint, or write just for fun?

Do you try to really enjoy every moment of your life?

 

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What age are we? Whatever we feel at the moment.

(Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.)

Rock that wrinkle!

 

“We turn not older with years, but newer every day.”

     Emily Dickinson

 

Greeting Ourselves.

May is traditionally a time of graduation.  It’s also a month that is very unsettled in terms of weather, with winter not wanting to loosen its grip while spring and summer await impatiently backstage for their time to take a bow.  Throw in Mother’s Day for a healthy dose of emotion and you have a period of time that can make you feel a bit unsteady.   Recently, the zigzag of temperatures mixed with the mortar boards flinging in the air made me think back to when I stood on that overlook…wondering where I was going next, what would I become, and had I chosen the right road.

 Back then, it felt like I had forever ahead of me, and I was sure that no matter what path I chose, I would end up in the “right place.”  Since then, I’ve realized it’s not so easy to know which fork in the road is the right one.  More than once along the way it’s felt like I went the “wrong” way and would surely tumble into an abyss.  I’m a baby boomer after all.

I thought I’d be young a lot longer.

OTRAS (3)Lately it’s also felt like maybe part of me split off a long time ago…the part that had all those dreams and ideals and aspirations.  While my practical self waded through jobs, tax payments, mortgages, failed relationships, arthritis, and a few extra pounds, my “real” self was out there, waiting, for me to come to my senses so my “real life” could start.

Crazy.  And exhausting.  Maybe it’s time for the two to come together.

Maybe it’s time to realize they’ve both been in me all along.  I think that’s one of the great joys of growing older:  coming to peace with who we are.  Who we really are.

I ran across a wonderful poem by Derek Walcott that says it so nicely:

Love After Love —by Derek Walcott

The time will come 

when, with elation 
you will greet yourself arriving 
at your own door, in your own mirror 
and each will smile at the other’s welcome, and say, sit here. Eat. 
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart 
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you all your life, whom you ignored 
for another, who knows you by heart. 
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf, the photographs, the desperate notes, 
peel your own image from the mirror. 
Sit. Feast on your life.

 

What a nice image.  To greet all you are and have always been with love and acceptance.

To celebrate all of it, good and bad, beautiful and not-so-attractive, smart and foolish.

To welcome.

“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.”
        Rumi

Ready to risk?

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You’re over 50. Or well past 60.  You’ve decide to make a change. A big one. Take the new job. Retire. Move to the brand new address across the country or across the world.   Marry someone who doesn’t quite fit your family’s heirloom locket.  Or, (gasp) maybe you’re considering moving back to previous, less glamorous location after several years of living the dream.

And here it comes…

  • You’re too old.
  • You’re too young.
  • You don’t know anybody there.
  • You already have a good job.
  • You can’t do this by yourself.
  • What is something goes wrong?
  • Why would you want to start over?
  • Don’t you like it here?
  • Why would you want to live there?
  • How can you leave/ignore/betray your family?
  • How you leave/ignore/betray your friends?
  • Aren’t you scared?

Or

  • How could you consider going back to where you started?
  • How could you give up what you have?
  • Don’t you love it here?  
  • Don’t you love us?
  • Won’t you be going backwards?
  • Why can’t you make it work here?
  • Doesn’t it feel like you’ve failed?
  • Aren’t you scared?

It’s not that they don’t love you, they just don’t love that you are considering such a big change.  Especially at your age. 

The ironic part is 50+ is when you are best equipped to make a big change.

At least that was true for me. In my 20s and 30s, I was too busy trying to gain work experience and feel comfortable with everything life threw at me. I thought about making big changes a few times, but let fear and uncertainty stifle any real action. It wasn’t until I was able to cast off all the baggage  of other people’s expectations that I could clearly hear what my soul was telling me.

And I’m so glad I listened. Because even though every major life change brings with it moments of anxiety, doubt, loneliness (and the occasional cheese dip binge), it also brings a great deal of peace. Leaving your comfort zone can be the best way to find out what—and who—really matters to you. When you put distance between you and the way things have always been, you can  turn around and view it from a different perspective. It’s like standing in a museum and staring at an oversized canvas. The tiny, insignificant details fade away, the background blurs, and what is left is the core—the passion—of the painting.

Before, you saw the faces, you heard all the noise…. Now what is left?  What images still touch your heart? Who do you genuinely miss and want to keep close forever? What truly matters in your life? I think it’s the good stuff—the stuff you have with you always, and can always return to.

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In fact,I also think we must stay open to what comes after the big risk and the wonderful self-discovery.  Sometimes, we come to a point where we start to realize we have made the dream come true.  We did accomplish many things, have wonderful new friends, and gave ourselves a magnificent gift.  And now that we done it, we might find ourselves longing to simplify our lives even more.  And that could mean going back to where we started.  

You will learn a lot when you start any new adventure. Here’s what taking a big risk taught me:

  • How anything is possible.
  • How lonely it can be.
  • How fantastic it can be.
  • Which friendships are real.
  • Which people live in my heart.
  • The wonder of email and texting.
  • Dogs don’t like change.
  • Learning new things requires forgetting some old stuff.
  • No matter how good you feel about things, you’re still going to occasionally wake up at 3 a.m. and wonder what the hell you are doing there.
  • There’s not always going to be a sign to point you in the right direction.
  • You can mow grass while it is snowing.
  • You can come home again.  And again.
  • God is always there. He’s just quiet sometimes.

Changing your life, starting over, whatever words you use—it is not without its challenges.. But I believe the universe is standing by waiting to kick in a lot of power once you commit.  The road may not be easy.  But look where it can lead.

“Trust yourself, then you will know how to live.”     Goethe

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