Rock The Wrinkle

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A little peace under the tree.

12/12/2016 /

The holiday season is a bit of a paradox for most of us….while we sing of quiet and peace, we are often trapped in a vortex of bad traffic, long lines, too much sugar and not enough time for meditation and rest.  After all, everything has to be perfect, right?  Our children come home, our grandchildren eagerly await our cookies and pies, and we ourselves are convinced that this year, it will be just as it should be.

It’s that whole “letting go” thing again…acknowledging we really have no control on how things turn out.  How irritating is that?

I used to think if I heard Clarice sing “There’s Always Tomorrow” one more time in that dang Rudolph cartoon I was going to throw up.  When, I would think, will today just be enough?  What can’t what I want come to me now?   Are all those Hallmark movies lying to us?

It’s not unlike waking up one day and deciding that you are going to be in tune with the universe. You are going to meditate.  Do yoga.  Journal.  Smudge.  Read every inspirational book you can find.  After all, you’re not a kid anymore so all the wisdom you have gained should be paying off about now.

Doesn’t leave a lot of space for quiet, does it?  For peace…for sabbath?

In “How Then, Shall We Live,” author, therapist, minister and founder of Bread For the Journey Wayne Muller says this:

“Many of us are exhausted by this desperate search for answers, as if our life is a big problem to be solved and we haven’t yet found the trick to it, the perfect solution to the puzzle.  After all our investigations, we have still not discovered the answer to our life.  We figure we must not be working hard enough.  So we push harder, hold on more tightly to the problem, hoping to eventually wring some wisdom from our struggle and set our life on the right course.

“But what if “don’t know” is not a signal to push and work and struggle, but rather an indication that it is time to be quiet and listen and wait? What if the answers to our question bout life and path and practice are already speaking to us, and in our rush to find them elsewhere,  we miss the easy, gentle wisdom that would teach us all we need to know if we simply center ourselves and be still for just a moment?”

Be still for just a moment.  Doesn’t that sound grand?

So maybe this week, we occasionally just stop.

Breathe.

Take it in.

There are too many leaves to rake…but they are beautiful anyway.  There’s a house to clean and food to cook…but really all our guests want is to be with us again.  We miss our friends who live far away, and our loved ones who departed the earth long ago…but they are alive in our hearts.

As Rumi said, “Let yourself be silently drawn by the stronger pull of what you really love.”   Don’t give in to the frenzy.  Turn off the television if there’s too much anger there.  Play some gentle music if you’re stuck in yet another traffic jam.

You are naturally wise.  You have survived a lot.

And you deserve a holiday season that feeds your spirit.

It’s never easy.  It probably won’t feel right the first few times you try.  That’s okay.  Think of as leaving a door open.  Eventually, peace will poke its head in.

Before you know it, you’ll be old friends.

“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.”

  Lao Tzu

Welcome Winter!

12/05/2016 /

 

IMG_0008Winter has an inferiority complex—and I think we’re to blame.

We complain a lot about winter. As baby boomers and beyond, we grumble about how the cold air makes our bones ache. Dries out our skin. Causes us to shiver on the bus stop or while walking our dog.

We don’t want to drive in it. Or sit outdoors at a sporting event and be uncomfortable.

Winter gets in our way. Slows us down. Simplifies everything.

Hey wait…maybe that’s a good thing?

There’s nothing like 15 degrees, a strong north wind, and a little sleet to force you to take stock. Are you prepared? Do you have what you need to survive? Are you making wise decisions so you literally can stay alive?

And going a bit deeper….are you living your life the way you hoped?

I confess I can grow weary of shoveling snow and slushing around in heavy boots and multiple layers of cold. But I also relish the amazing beauty of this season.

As children, we loved to make snowmen, ride sleds, build forts and attack unsuspecting adults with a barrage of snowballs. (When I was a senior in college, we did this to the professors leaving the journalism building—they were not amused).

Now, I marvel how the snow can sparkle like diamonds. How snow-capped hills shine brilliantly against an unbelievably blue sky. How the crisp air awakens every part of me every time I go outdoors.

Just look at your pets. At least in my house, my dog delights in the snow with a joy that takes me back to that giddy feeling of school being canceled and a warm kitchen.

IMG_0816Instead of seeing winter as a time of decay and death, consider the blanket of beauty that winter can bring to nature. Think of Walt Whitman’s “unseen buds, infinite and waiting”. The ice-covered ponds. How snow lands on each tree branch and defines it with exquisite detail.

“The life of the crystal, the architect of the flake, the fire of the frost, the soul of the sunbeam.” (Words of John Burroughs.)

Garrison Keillor of A Prairie Home Companion once commented how “winter gives us purpose.” I like that. I like a season that reminds us who is in charge, and that we are left with ourselves.

Maybe as people aged 50 and better we can really understand that winter can be hard, but it will pass. Winter’s dreary nature doesn’t last forever. It might not even last a day. And doesn’t the cold make it easier to draw closer together? To snuggle against what is out there, or what might be coming?

And winter is a perfect time to stop and think about those who truly face the challenges of the dropping temperatures…the homeless, the frail, the forgotten. Those who have no shelter from the storm. Who sit by the shops with their empty cup and watch us come and go.

We know their struggle is real, because many of our parents and relatives lived through the Great Depression and had very little. We understand how hard it can be. And we can help.

Wrap yourself up this winter, but not so tight that you cannot take in all that is happening around you. Seasons change. We grow older. And life renews itself again.

 

 

“Winter is the kind of showman,

Turning tree stumps into snowmen

And houses into birthday cakes

And spreading sugar over lakes.

Smooth and clean and frosty white,

The world looks good enough to bite.

That’s the season to be young,

Catching snowflakes on your tongue.

Snow is snowy when it’s snowing,

I’m sorry it’s slushy when it’s going.”

            Ogden Nash

Too many distractions?

11/28/2016 /

I confess. I hate pop-ups. Those annoying graphic invaders that appear every time you land on a website.

 Especially the ones that cover the whole screen, and you can’t figure out how to get them to go away without accidentally opting out of the whole site.

What I hate about them is I feel like some invisible force has decided that I should be more interested in the ad or message on the pop-up rather than the site I have sought to read. Or has decided that after 2.5 seconds, I must already be bored and now need to read something else or take advantage of some offer that will only last a few seconds so I better hurry.

Excuse me, but when did I give up control over what content I want to see?

I’m guessing this is all a result of today’s disappearing attention span syndrome.

Ten years ago, the average attention span was 12 minutes. Now it is 5 minutes. And yes, fellow boomers and beyond, younger people really do have the shortest attention span.

c9e42240Seems social media really is affecting all our brains. Our brains grow and adjust according to our experiences. And we all are getting information too quickly. Our brains are getting lazy. And we are getting anxious when we’re not being stimulated.

Thus, the pop-ups.

Many say we have created a culture of distraction. We sit in a group of friends and stare at our phones. We can’t think for long periods of a time. In fact, studies are showing that because we are now finding it so hard to just sit and let our minds settle, we are becoming worse at creative thinking.

That’s scary. Because quiet, let-your-mind-wander moments are often when our great ideas appear. Answers to questions we’ve been pondering suddenly seem clear. Concepts for paintings, melodies for songs, equations for formulas…they have to have space and air to rise to the top of our minds.

But these days, it seems no one can just “be”. Standing in line means reading an article online. Waiting for a friend to arrive means sending an email. Sitting in traffic gives us time to check the market’s performance.

Instead of letting our mind wander, we reach for a gadget.

It’s a wonder anyone gets any real serious thinking done at work. The average office worker is said to check his or her mail 30 to 40 times an hour. That’s a lot of distraction.   And of course we don’t unhook from our electronic addictions at lunch, or even after work, or, God forbid, on vacation—it’s a constant attack on our weary brains.

I know some people who can’t sit through a movie unless it’s less than two hours or it’s on television so they can be checking their phone the whole time. I really wonder how many people under 50 enjoy, or even attempt, reading a long article, much less a book, without being interrupted many times. Or without first tweeting or posting to Facebook what they’re doing.

JOd4DPGLThifgf38Lpgj_IMGDeep thinking isn’t a luxury; it’s a necessity. We’ve got to fight back. Put down our phones. Turn off the computer for a few hours. Go on a vacation that allows our brain to put on sunglasses, feel the breeze, and vegetate.

It’s great to have so much information at our fingertips 24 hours a day. But it’s also up to us to remember we can decide when we access it.

And when we’d rather let our brain send us its own amazing “pop-up”.

 “Stillness reveals the secrets of eternity.”

        Lao Tzu

 

 

 

 

Breaking bread without breaking into a fight.

11/21/2016 /

I love the movie “Home For The Holidays” with Holly Hunter and Robert Downey Jr.  I think it captures the sweetness and dysfunction that can go hand-in-hand when you mix grown siblings, carving knives and childhood memories that maybe never were.  I really enjoy how in 10 minutes, this movie family can experience everything from empathy to sadness to raucous laughter to misery.   It’s a bumpy weekend, but if you ride it all the way through, the movie ends with a universal truth that touches your heart.  (At least it does mine.)

Turkey day is coming, and with it, a cornucopia of relatives, friends and ex-spouses you might not have seen in at least a year. Making safe conversation about something besides the weather can be more than difficult; it can feel like work when it seems you have nothing in common. And while some prefer to find an easy chair and just nod or smile occasionally and feign a trance, most of us want to at least find a way to interact without going down the forbidden paths of religion, politics, the right way to mash potatoes, the real color of someone’s hair, or that disagreement between the states (sometimes referred to as the Civil War).

And this year…well, need i really say it?  Politics is front and center.  Emotions are raw and for good reason.  If you’re dreading rubbing shoulders with those on the other side of the ideological fence, you’re not alone.

It’s a tough assignment. But as boomers, we have a rich frame of reference to draw from—so it should be easier, right?

leaves

We have been to enough holiday meals to understand that sometimes the oven explodes, the dog jumps in the middle of the table and there’s a shouting match before the salad is served.

It gives us rich material. Which comes in handy, as do good listening skills, curiosity, and some natural wit—all part of the art of conversation. After all, these are people you are going to be around for several hours—eating, cleaning up, walking after dinner, watching football, whatever—wouldn’t it be nice to find a few good topics for discussion?  (Or more simply, we’re not the family in the Norman Rockwell painting, but we do care about each other…and arguing when you’re consuming this much sugar and carbs just isn’t a good idea.)

Apparently this conundrum is universal.  Books tells us how to  master the art of wit and conversation.  Magazine articles instruct us on how to be nice to one another.  But rather than let sociologists pull a chair up to the dinner table, I try to go within and keep it simple.  For example:

  • When things get weird, be ready with a few subjects that make for good conversation instead of disagreements.
  • Keep your jokes short, and nice.  Really.  Save the tacky stuff for another time.
  • Listen to others with an open mind.  If you hear something you really don’t agree with, consider whether you want to challenge it…or maybe wait until later when you can trap the person in the food pantry and make your point then?  Or maybe just have another helping of dressing.
  • Remember you love these people. (Maybe not the boyfriend with more chains than Marley’s ghost , but he’s not here because of you anyway.  And maybe he just needs a hug.)candles

I think if you go to any  large gathering with the attitude that it will be positive and interesting, it usually turns out that way.  But I do  confess this year is going to be a major challenge for many of us.  My feelings are very strong, and I’m very disappointed in recent events.  But I also know that some in attendance at my Thanksgiving table feel differently. Maybe ahead of time, we should ask the host to declare a moratorium on debate.

Thanksgiving is about being grateful for what we have, the people in our lives, and even just the miracle of waking  up every day.  It’s a celebration of everything, including our differences.  As passionate and strong as they may be.

Like any family, we have strong opinions about a lot of things, but for a day, we can put aside our differences and turn off the cell phone and “like” just being together.  Enjoy the pie.

And argue later.

(We’ll have lots of chances to do so.)

 

“Where we love is home, home that our feet may leave, but not our hearts.”

-Oliver Wendell Holmes

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