Rock The Wrinkle

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Blame it on the heat.

08/22/2023 /

It can render you motionless. Your brain feels like it’s an oozing blob. Your thoughts are muddled. It occurs to you that you really should get up and accomplish something; then the feeling passes.

It’s just too hot.

There are dust bunnies on top of dust bunnies. A stack of junk mail that needs to be sorted. Half-filled water bottles that should be combined and refrigerated. Car keys that are not in their right place.

But it’s just too hot.

One thing you learn as you grow older is just how far you can push your body in extreme situations. Muscles aren’t quite as elastic as they once were. Bones creak a bit more. It’s all fine, as long as you can have moments of recovery that involve liquids, shade, and a bit of protein. So you set out to hit the gym, or take a walk around the block, or tackle that hall closet that seems to have a voice of its own.

But the heat. It’s too much.

I confess to serial inertia at this time of year. Not so much with physical activities, as with mental projects. I do my work, with more frequent water breaks that are indoors. I meet my obligations. But it’s hard not to feel a creeping fatigue when the heat index is above 100 and the job on your desk is hotter than a firecracker.

The answer? Fans, and lots of them. A cooling collar for your long-haired dog. A cold rag for your neck. A screen saver on your computer that shows a snowy Colorado mountaintop.

Remember how much fun summer was when you were a kid?

It even smelled different; fresh and promising. The grass was so soft and cool beneath your bare feet. (Remember bare feet??) The sky seemed a perfect blue and the clouds were big and puffy and did not indicate a severe storm and power outage was imminent. The ice cream that the man in the MerryMobile sold you each day at noon was so cold and delicious; biting into it felt like a day on the beach. Time seemed to expand and wait for you to choose how you’d spend your afternoon.

Now it’s more of a calculated schedule: what outdoor tasks do you have to do before it’s too hot? How late in the evening can you mow the lawn?

It’s just too hot.

And it’s very important to remember that for those of us of a certain age, heat really can be deadly. The experts say our bodies can’t adjust to it as quickly as when we were young. That can be due to medicines, or chronic conditions that affect how the body regulates its temperature.

So how can you stay healthy?

• Drink lots of water. All day long. Don’t wait until you are thirsty. Yes, this might mean more trips to the bathroom, but it least it will be cool in there.

• Wear loose-fitting clothes. just be careful they don’t have giant holes in them when you have to accept that front-door delivery.

• Keep your AC maintained. This is a fun one, since I truly think the air conditioning system in my house is possessed by a demon who occasionally just shuts off a duct or two for kicks. But give it a try anyway.

• Put on a hat when you go outside. Go ahead, grab that funny looking thing off the shelf and put it on. You’ve earned the right to look a little eccentric. Wearing a hat can really help keep the sun’s heat off your noggin. You might start a trend in your neighborhood.

• Remember the sunscreen. Tanning days are over. George Hamilton is not your hero. Skin cancer is very real and can be very dangerous. Yes, we definitely grew up in the era where lying on a lounge slathered in baby oil was not only accepted, it was expected. If you really need to feel tanned, buy some bronzer.

• Take it easy. Really. Be smart about when you are outdoors and what you are doing. Even inside; too much can catch up with you.

Stay smart. Stay cool. And when someone asks you to do something you really don’t want to do, just smile and say, “It’s just too hot.”

“What dreadful hot weather we have! It keeps one in a continual state of inelegance.”
— Jane Austen

Loneliness, or solitude?

05/21/2023 /

Are you feeling lonely?

Or are you enjoying solitude?

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Interesting that a situation can be both for some of us, especially as we grow older and friends or family members move away, or die, leaving us to feel the loss of their companionship and support.

Yet we can feel alone without feeling lonely. And we can definitely feel very lonely even in the midst of a crowd.

And unfortunately, feeling lonely is really bad for us. Researchers have concluded that feeling left out, lonely, apart from others can do the same damage to our physical health as smoking 15 cigarettes.

15 cigarettes!  That’s not good for sure. And then there’s the damage to our emotional and mental health. But remember, we’re talking about loneliness—not solitude.

Theologian, professor and deep thinker Paul Tillich spent a lot of time pondering what it really means to be alone and/or lonely.

In “The Eternal Now”, he writes: “Our language has wisely sensed these two sides of man’s being alone. It has created the word “loneliness” to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word “solitude” to express the glory of being alone…”

Tillich goes on to discuss the many ways in which solitude can serve our souls. “Solitude can also be found in the reading of poetry, in listening to music, in looking at pictures, and in sincere thoughtfulness. We are alone…but we are not lonely.   Solitude protects us without isolating us.”

Enjoying solitude can be a challenge in modern life. Cell phones. Texting. Emails. Meet-up groups. Online dating. Conference calls. Even church. While all can enhance our lives, are they sometimes robbing us of the solitude we each need to keep our balance?

And what about the inventors, artists, writers, poets, and others who are driven to creative expression? Is this even possible without time alone…and is time alone even possible?

Tillich says, “You cannot become or remain creative without solitude. One hour of conscious solitude will enrich your creativity far more than hours of trying to learn the creative process.”

IMG_0503 - Version 3True, some do very well bouncing ideas and concepts off of others in a group. But for me, and for many of the creative people I’ve worked with, spending some time alone to let the tiny nuggets of ideas float to the top has always been much more productive.

How else can we hear what our minds and hearts are trying to tell us?

Some people are extroverts. And some are introverts…people who, according to Psychology Today, engage the world in fundamentally different ways. Social engagements can drain them, while quiet time gives them an energy boost. In fact, MRI studies have shown that people who are considered loners actually experience more blood flow in certain areas of their brains during social situations, which can be exhausting.

At the age of 82, Psychologist Carl Jung wrote in a letter these words: “Solitude is for me a fount of healing which makes my life worth living. Talking is often torment for me, and I need many days of silence to recover from the futility of words….”

Still, it’s important to remember that loneliness can wreck out health, even increasing the risk of early death. So what to do? You can’t just build a friend in the basement.

But you can take some simple steps to help you feel better and maybe make it easier to make new connections.

Take a walk and greet someone new. Exercise in a new class.  Learn tai chi.  Travel with a tour group.  Attend an outdoor concert.  Strike up a conversation with someone in a coffee shop. Sign up for a volunteer event. Get a pet—trust me, you won’t be lonely long.

Whether you’re feeling lonely at the moment, or enjoying a quiet break from the crowd, balance is always the key. As boomers and beyond, we know we have to be a part of the world, but we also know we must feed our souls. As Hobson said to Arthur, “Yes, bathing is a lonely business.” But it’s one we must do every day.

“Let us dare to have solitude—to face the eternal, to find others, to see ourselves.”

     Paul Tillich

Martha’s on the cover!

05/18/2023 /

Of Sports Illustrated.

And she’s 81.

And she’s in a bathing suit.

Some are shocked. Others are thrilled.

After all, she’s “too old,” right? (Not that you’d hear that if it were a former James Bond.)

But a woman? An older woman?

Getting past all the gossip, it’s interesting to stop and consider just what people 80 and over are doing these days. The ones who aren’t making the evening news. The ones who are still working.

Taking care of grandbabies. Volunteering. Cooking meals for their adult children. Dressing, bathing, and caring full-time for a spouse with Alzheimer’s or Parkinson’s disease.

In other words, rockin’ it because that’s what they must do. And what in many cases, they choose to do.

Because inside, they’re still 30. Maybe 35. They look out of their eyes and still see possibilities. They still listen to their favorite music, whether it’s rock, opera, or Native American.  Maybe they’ve turned own the volume a bit, but then again, maybe they haven’t.

Let the neighbors complain. They probably don’t think an 80-year-old turns anything up that loud.

Because unfortunately, 80+ people are often invisible. Unnoticed. Ignored. Assumptions are made about them that are far from accurate. That they can’t run in marathons anymore. That they can’t learn new hobbies or skills. That they don’t understand how to use a computer or program their home security.

That they didn’t get the joke or understand the reference. How wrong these assumptions are.

At a time when more and more younger people are refusing to work, older people are out there doing it. Almost 9 percent of Americans over 75 are working—and it’s expected to be the fastest growing segment of the working population in the future.  Approximately 6% of those over 80 are working.

Try telling them they are too old. (Duck first.)

Our brains don’t stop working as we age (unless cognitive decline occurs, which can happen to people of all ages). We don’t lose our sense of fun. We don’t forget how good it feels to jump into a swimming pool. Or hike a mountain trail. Or go on a date with someone we really like.

So let’s remind ourselves we are still part of the conversation, whether we are 55, 75, 85, 95 or better. And let’s lift up those brave enough to celebrate their wisdom and well-earned wrinkles. They’re rockin it.

So should we.

“The longer I live, the more beautiful life becomes.” – Frank Lloyd Wright

“Customer Service?”

05/04/2023 /

Things not to do when talking to an older person. Particularly if the older person is your customer.

  • Ignore them.
  • Talk over their words. (Instead, shut up and listen.)
  • Disrespect them. (See above.)
  • Immediately tell them that you aren’t to blame for anything.
  • Assume it’s their fault, and it’s because they are older.

See kids, the customer is the CUSTOMER. The customer is the reason you have a  job. The customer may not always be right, but at least for the first few moments, assume they are. If they are having a problem, complaining, or just venting, listen to them. That means SHUT UP.

Why?

 Because they are THE CUSTOMER. 

Not sure when the lesson of courtesy and respect got dropped from the curriculum, but it seems it did. Not sure where this crop of disinterested, rude and totally clueless “customer service” staff came from, but there are here.

And they aren’t going anywhere.

Sure, an older person can just smile and take it. But excuse me, why should we? Would a younger person remain silent while an older salesperson, clerk, or receptionist acted like they were doing them a favor by even acknowledging their presence? 

    Not likely.

    When in doubt, always be kind. Absolutely. And guess what:  when you’re talking to a customer, be EXTRA kind. Because they may not come back. And if enough of them don’t come back, guess what? 

    You’re out of a job. Which maybe you don’t care about. At least that’s what it looks like.

    The ironic part is if more people had a good old-fashioned (yep) work ethic, their jobs would actually be fun. Or at least pleasant. They might discover that doing something well feels good. Helping a person gives them satisfaction. There are actual physical health benefits to being of service to someone.

    Sighing heavily, not making eye contact, and turning off your brain isn’t good for you. Trust me.

    It’s not helping.

    “No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted. Aesop

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