Rock The Wrinkle

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Grateful is good.

11/20/2018 /

Gratitude is a complicated topic.  You hear a lot about it.  You know it’s a good idea.  And on those sunny, halycon days, it’s easy to practice.

But then life happens.

A friend becomes terminally ill.  The boss walks in and says the company is downsizing.  The warning light on the car keeps coming on and no amount of black tape will make it go away.  Or, maybe you just start wondering what happened to the last 30 years?

It’s part of getting older.  Looking back, and giving up on the idea you had the perfect childhood.  Looking around, and not seeing that cute, supportive spouse bringing you your slippers and 2.5 smiling children calling every weekend to see how you are.  Looking forward, and wondering if there are any more real adventures ahead besides daring to walk to the refrigerator without your custom-made orthotics.

When I was a kid, singer Peggy Lee had a hit song I absolutely detested called “Is that all there is?”….I hated it.  I still don’t enjoy hearing it, but I understand better what she was trying to say.  When we keep waiting for our lives to “start”, we miss out on the fact they already have.  Every day really is an opportunity to help another person, to learn something new, to try and find a moment of solace in the madness.  And gratitude really does make that easier.

Now here comes the holiday that’s as loaded as an overstuffed suitcase.  Thanksgiving.  Raise your hand if yours has ever resembled the Norman Rockwell painting.  Congratulations, you may go.  For the rest of us, it’s probably been something else.  Watch the Hallmark movies.  Then remember when Uncle Fred announced he was leaving Aunt Jean over the stuffing.  Watch the football games.  Then try to forget when the dog pulled the turkey off the table and little Brad fell on the driveway and at least three arguments broke out at the same time.  Watch the tear-jerking commercials of reunions and marriage proposals and then remember you’ll probably be seated at dinner next to the one family member who secretly resents you and is just one glass of wine away from telling you.

Like Chris Rock said in a standup routine, “It ain’t Christmas unless somebody’s crying.”   But we’re getting ahead of ourselves, let’s stay in Thanksgiving for a bit.

So what is Thanksgiving?  Or, what can be to each of us?   Amazon wants us to spend it shopping online.  Facebook wants us to watch cat videos.  And all those Norman Rockwell types want us to help re-create that photograph that never actually happened.

As a baby boomer, you’ve seen it all.  You might be thinking a turkey sandwich and Cary Grant movie might be all you need.  If that’s your choice, go for it.  But maybe there’s another way to look at it.  Go inside.  Really inside.  What are you truly thankful for?

Your best friend after all these years?

Your sense of humor?

Your patience with your grandchildren?

Your health after that bad scare last year?

The way the sun lights up the leaves in a brilliant show of color?

Take those thoughts and let gratitude wash over you.

And if you find yourself in a clamorous, angry,  exhausting setting, let yourself go inside again.  Be grateful you can do that.  If you are pressed at the table to list what you are grateful for, here’s  list to get you started:

Boomers’ Gratitude List:

Elastic

Naps

Wisdom

Discounts

Old movies

Giggling grandchildren

Faithful dogs

Cuddly cats

Sweet spouses

Newfound freedom

Elastic (worth mentioning twice)

Pie

Cool evenings

Health, in whatever form it is

Life

We’ve made it this far…and we are grateful!  Happy Thanksgiving and keep rockin’ it!

 

“I am grateful for what I am and what I have.  My thanksgiving is perpetual.”

Henry David Thoreau

 

The bird in the airport.

11/06/2018 /

The bird in the airport.

You know the one I mean.

The little bird you see hopping around near the unused gate. Out of place, confused, yet hopeful. Surely there’s a way out of this giant place, but none of the doors or windows ever seem to open.

file0002082373718How did he get there? What does he eat? Where does he sleep?

I find myself worrying about this little guy, even while dragging myself through terminals with too much hanging from my shoulders and more often than not, too much time on my hands due to canceled or delayed flights.

He seems to make the best of his situation. Scampering about looking for crumbs. Staying out of the way of heavy suitcases and beeping trams. At least he’s sheltered from the outside, no worries of a sudden storm or fierce wind blowing it from a tree limb.

But does he ever feel the sun on his feathers?

 Does he miss flying close to the sky? Has he ever done so?

 Does he sense that there’s something he’s missing, that’s just a few feet away, waiting for him?

Do you ever feel like that? Trapped in the same routine, the same life plan, walking the same path day after day, not even noticing anymore that there is something else out there?

It’s so much easier to just stay where you are. On the couch. At the kitchen table. Sitting by the phone. Places that don’t really connect to your soul; yet have become comfortable and familiar.

Because getting out there…finding a way out to the great beyond…is difficult. And scary. And unpredictable.

165HAnd there’s nothing wrong with sitting still, staying where you are, and finding peace in the familiar. As long as it is what you truly want. And if you’ve had a lifetime of taking risks and putting yourself out there, you’ve more than earned some sit-still time.

But if you start to feel confined…if you can’t remember how you got where you are…if you’ve stopped listening to what heart and soul is saying….that’s another story.

It’s hard enough to negotiate the airport, much less free your spirit to take wing.

 

“Hope” is the thing with feathers –

That perches in the soul –

And sings the tune without the words –

And never stops – at all –

 

And sweetest – in the Gale – is heard –

And sore must be the storm –

That could abash the little Bird

That kept so many warm –

 

I’ve heard it in the chillest land –

And on the strangest Sea –

Yet – never – in Extremity,

It asked a crumb – of me.

  

Emily Dickinson, “Hope is the thing with feathers”

 

 

It’s a good idea to remember that those around us might be just as unsure of where they want to be.  Their days might not be filled with the people or the activities they’d like.  They might be dreaming of taking flight, yet they are realizing those days might have past.  So when our paths intersect, maybe we can cut the other person a little more slack.

Because even when we’re not “going somewhere”,  we are still on a journey.  And kindness from strangers is always welcome—as well as from those we know very well.

Maybe next time you’re in the airport, leave a few extra crumbs on your chair. It might mean the world.

 

“You haven’t seen a tree until you’ve seen its shadow from the sky.”

        Amelia Earhart

 

Losing a diamond in the rough.

10/23/2018 /

I lost a good friend recently.  He was a true good, gentle spirit.  A gentleman to a fault.  In a profession of egos and insanity, he maintained an even, quiet demeanor that was consistent, no matter what kind of day he was having.

He did not enter a room and strategize how he could assume control.  He did not carry an impressive day planner or leather portfolio.  I never, in working with him for 30+ years, saw him wear a suit.  He simply carried himself with a confident dignity that spoke much louder than wearing a watch that can control the refrigerator.  His mode of transportation was anything but the coolest model off the showroom floor.  In fact, his beat-up car/truck/suv/crossover would have come in handy on Let’s Make a Deal, because everything he needed was inside.

I don’t remember ever having a disagreement with him.  True, his alma mater was not my favorite, but I could forgive, as he had played football for his school and was very proud of his accomplishments.  No matter how tough the assignments we faced as colleagues, or how hot the day, he’d always say, “This ain’t nothing.  Try two-a-days” in a reference to two practice workouts in one day in sweltering temps prior to the football season.

His point:  I’ve seen worse.  We’ll get through this.

And we always did, even when the demands of our clients were unorganized, unfair, and often ridiculous.  He would do what it required, whether it was a weekend, nighttime or holiday.  He was driven by a commitment to show up, do a good job, and be a grownup.

I can’t say how much I miss him.

As a friend, it hurts because he always made me laugh.  He loved music, he loved sports, and he loved his family.  He was a pleasure to be around.  As a colleague, I know I may never find anyone quite like him again.  Granted, I still work on projects with talented, mature, reasonable people.  But this particular person was from an era that we won’t see again, at least not for a long while.

Maybe one day again, people will truly respect each other for their experience and their talent, and not dismiss them if they don’t  know the latest share-file software.

Maybe one day again, every person involved in a project will take a personal interest in seeing that it is done correctly, on time, and in budget.

Maybe one day again, appearances, hairstyles and clothing won’t matter as much as wisdom, accuracy and reliability.

I hope so.  Because I can assure those under 40 that when you work in this manner, you feel better, smile more and sleep much more soundly.

He’s in a better place, at least I believe so.  He’s strumming his guitar and relaxing knowing he made a difference here.  I hope I can do the same.  We all must.

 

How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.

Anne Frank

 

Stand up.  Dismiss.  Be Patient.

10/09/2018 /

The world seems to have gone mad.  Anger is everywhere.  Reason has taken a vacation.  Neighbors scowl at one another, family members glare over the dinner table, friends disappear as events of the day spiral even further out of control.  What can we do?  We boomers who have lived lives of hard work, worry, duty and responsibility?  How can we keep peace around us, and somehow, peace within our hearts when we see so many things we fought for falling by the side of the road?

There’s so much that can be said.  Yet it feels like too much has been said already.  Maybe it’s time to be still enough to hear the peace that can be found if we search hard enough.  And if peace really does begin with each of us, take a new look at Walt Whitman and his words.  Soothing.  Encouraging.  And forceful.

Hear what he has to say:

“This is what you shall do:

Love the earth and the sun and the animals

despise riches, give alms to every one that asks

stand up for the stupid and crazy, devote your income and labor to others

hate tyrants, argue not concerning God, have patience and indulgence toward the people

take off your hat to nothing known or unknown or to any man or number of men

go freely with powerful uneducated persons and with the young and with the mothers of families

read these leaves in the open air every season of every year of your life,

re-examine all that you have been told at school or church or in any book

dismiss whatever insults your own soul, and your very flesh shall be a great poem and have the richest fluency not only in its words but in the silent lines of its lips and face and between the lashes of your eyes

and in every motion and joint of your body.”

 

Dismiss what insults you. Hold fast to your heart.  Reach out to those with less.

Walt had the idea.

Like Lieutenant Dan in Forest Gump, we can hold tight to the mast…the winds can only blow so long. Meanness, evil and lack of justice will, like any noxious weed, eventually wither and disappear.

And in their place, new life can grow.

 

“The world will not be destroyed by evil, but by those who watch them without doing anything.”

      Albert Einstein

 

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