Rock The Wrinkle

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Where the path leads.

06/28/2019 /

There’s an area not too many miles from where I live with a path that winds around some ballfields and a small manmade lake. The path is paved and goes through some trees so it is a nice respite from the nearby busy street and noise of modern life. The path is named for someone and, along the way, there are benches and signs with verses from the Bible.

I do not know the person for whom it was named, but apparently she was only 35 when she departed this world.  Now I walk the path with my dog and sometimes wonder about her.

Did she get to do the things that mattered most to her before she departed this world so young?  Did she have advance notice that her time was to be short, and if so, did she continue with her everyday routine, or did she decide to throw caution to the wind and take more risks? Did she feel her life was fully lived, or did she shake her fist at the heavens and implore why she had so little time?

What would I do if given such news…would I take a completely different path…I wonder.

When I walk a labyrinth, I’m struck by how you walk the outer edges, then just as it seems you will enter the middle you are again taken to the outside…as though to revisit and relearn something again and again.  Maybe it’s that whole “wherever you go, there are you” thing.  Or maybe it’s just a lesson from the universe of “not so fast…you have more ground to cover before you get the answers.”

It’s strangely calming.

Walk a mountain trail and you often find yourself concentrating hard on the way up (or down) as you begin, carefully taking steps over rocky terrain, wanting to cover ground before you begin to tire, thinking about how much time you have before you have to be back, will you have enough water, will the weather hold, etc.  You notice the scenery around you, but it’s almost a backdrop to all the noise in your head that takes a while to quiet.  You’re on a mission; you have a trail to complete. 

But when you turn back, you feel yourself exhale, and with it, often goes much of the need to control the experience.  You’re now walking more loosely, you’re noticing how the sunlight bounces off the leaves, how majestic the boulders are, how beautifully blue the sky is.  It’s as though it’s a completely different trail, and yet it’s the same one that brought you there. 

Because now you’re a bit older, a little wiser and more sure of yourself. Your eyes are more open.  You’re reminded how you are part of the trail, and not the other way around.

The trail didn’t change.  You did. 

The labyrinth has always been there.  You just never really took the time to walk it. 

The path that is your life was always waiting, you didn’t even realize you were already on it. 

You can step off of it. You can turn around.  You can linger at a particularly wonderful spot.  You won’t get lost, because the path will there.  But like all walks in the woods, keep an eye on the time.

Because it goes so fast.

“The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.” Marcel Proust

“The problem is that you think you have time.” Jack Kornfield

Voices of wisdom.

06/10/2019 /

So many times when we talk about aging, we focus on the challenges, the inconveniences, the frustrations one can feel when the spirit is willing but the body may be growing weak. But what about the joys, the renewed insights and wisdom, the freedom that comes as we transition into the person we were always meant to be?

Take a listen to these great minds and how they have recognized the gifts of growing older…

“There is a gravitas in the second half of life, but it is now held up by a much deeper lightness, or “okayness.”  … there is still darkness in the second half of life—in fact, maybe even more.  But there is now a changed capacity to hold it creatively and with much less anxiety…. In this second half of life, one has less and less need or interest in eliminating the negative or fearful, making again those old rash judgments, holding on to old hurts, or feeling any need to punish other people…. Richard Rohr, Falling Upward

“I have found it very important in my own life to try to let go of my wishes and instead to live in hope. I am finding that when I choose to let go of my sometimes petty and superficial wishes and trust that my life is precious and meaningful in the eyes of God something really new, something beyond my own expectations begins to happen for me.” Henri Nouwen, Finding My Way Home

“As I get older, the more I stay focused on the acceptance of myself and others, and choose compassion over judgment and curiosity over fear.” Tracee Ellis Ross

“When we let go of our battles and open our heart to things as they are, then we come to rest in the present moment. This is the beginning and the end of spiritual practice. Only in this moment can we discover that which is timeless. Only here can we find the love that we seek. Love in the past is simply memory, and love in the future is fantasy. Only in the reality of the present can we love, can we awaken, can we find peace and understanding and connection with ourselves and the world.”  Jack Kornfield, A Path With Heart

           

“Age has given me what I was looking for my entire life – it has given me me . It has provided time and experience and failures and triumphs and time-tested friends who have helped me step into the shape that was waiting for me. I fit into me now. I have an organic life, finally, not necessarily the one people imagined for me, or tried to get me to have. I have the life I longed for. I have become the woman I hardly dared imagine I would be.” Anne Lamott, Plan B:  Further Thoughts on Faith


It’s good to know we are not alone on this journey.  It’s refreshing to know that we are still growing, still learning, still evolving…that new adventures await us and that all around us, there is energy and inspiration waiting to be tapped that can take us to places we never imagined.

And the best part:  we get to do this now, wrinkles and all, because we couldn’t have done it before.  Where are you on your journey?  Are there lessons you’re just now learning that are giving you a whole new perspective? 

Wherever you are, it’s the right place. And it’s only the beginning.

“Listen to the song of life.” Katherine Hepburn

No tech, no problem.

05/30/2019 /

I confess, I am beginning to hate technology. 

I would like to say I embrace it, I praise it, I lift it to the sky with choirs of angels.

But some days I can’t. Because it’s only good when it works. 

That’s a pretty callous attitude, but really, would good is internet if it goes down?  What good is a phone if it can’t call anyone?  And why have a television if you have to be connected to an international company that is sorry, but you’ll have to wait 8 days for a repair person to fix an outdated connector in a metal box on the other side of the fence? (And you find out from the service technician that they never should have installed it that way in the first place?)

I recently went through a weekend with nothing working—at least nothing technologically related.  After fully appreciating and being grateful that I did not have a real problem—like a bad diagnosis, a loved one in the hospital, or no food to eat—I considered my options.

A. Go insane.

B. Take deep breaths, and find other things to occupy my time.

C.  Eat every possible form of junk food on the planet.

D.  Rest, knowing there wouldn’t be any interruptions.

E.  Go outside even more than usual.

F.  Walk my dog even more than I usually do.

G.  Think back to the days when we were kids and we loved weekends outdoors, running, playing, flying kites, eating popsicles, making clover chains, etc….none of which required technology.

What did I do?  A combination of the above.  I definitely listened to music more. I spent more time talking to my dog (they are very good listeners). I sat still and listened to the wind, the rain, the birds outside my door. I spent more time sitting outside just being quiet. I was thankful beyond words that I had air conditioning.

I got some work done I had been dreading, now there was no reason to postpone it. I cleaned a few areas of my home that I normally would walk by and dismiss. I actually lit all the candles in my den at night and did my best to meditate and enjoy the quiet. Once I let go of the frustration of not being to watch a certain show or check up on a specific website, I actually just relaxed.

It’s interesting how we let technology run our lives. It has become our master in many ways, deciding how rushed we are in the mornings, how much we can get done during the day, and what our evenings will be like.  We feel ruled by it in many ways. 

The weekend reinforced my desire to “cut the cord” so to speak. Not being as brave as some of my friends, I am not going the antenna route yet for TV, but I have cut my cable and am trying one of the streaming services instead.  So much cheaper, and while it requires kind of a different way of watching television, it feels like I’m in control now.  I’ve never been one to constantly check Facebook or other websites, especially on the weekends.  I’ll be doing it even less in the future.

I do appreciate how technology has made our lives easier in many ways.  Of course medical technology comes to mind. Researching information over a computer at my desk is much, much easier than rummaging through library basements (though sometimes I kind of miss that).  Any technology that helps us consume less, helps the environment, makes it easier to feed people in need or save lives is absolutely worth it.

But I want to find a balance between what I really require in my home and office, versus what I’m told by the “experts” I need. And if you’re going to put it in my home, then please be reachable when it stops working.

Because it will. 

But I’ll survive.  Because I’m old enough to remember not having it, and not feeling deprived.

Old movies are great. But so is a sunset.  Don’t miss it!

“The real problem is not whether machines think but whether men do.” B.F. Skinner

Beating boredom.

05/16/2019 /

So much to do, so many things to worry about, so many people want your attention all day, so many obligations that the calendar can’t hold them all.  That’s a terrible problem. Only one thing is worse:

Having nothing to do, or being so bored with what is in front of you that you could scream.

It’s a common problem for boomers as we grow older. Children are grown and have their own lives. Your grandchildren probably have activities planned for each day of the week and rarely have time to visit you. Friends might live far away or not be in the best of health and it’s rare you can get together. 

Even your dog would just as soon nap as take that daily walk.

You’re bored.  

You thought retirement would be an emancipating, exciting time of life. After all, it is in all the commercials with the beautiful couples jet-setting off to exotic locations. Happy seniors learning to paint. Gray-haired law students showing the youngsters how to ask professors questions. Friends sitting by the fire pit with big smiles on their faces.

Yet, you’re just bored.  And you’re not alone. Between 30 to 90% of American adults experience boredom at some point in their daily lives, as do 91 percent to 98 percent of youth. Men are generally more bored than women.

Research says when people feel trapped, they are more likely to be bored.  You might be in a repetitive job. Or you can’t drive somewhere when you want a change of scene. Or maybe you had to give up your home and move in with family or into a community for supportive care.  It feels like everybody else is having so much fun at this point of their lives and you’re on the sidelines.

So the days get long, and you can feel left out of it all.

It’s hard sometimes, this whole getting older business.  We convince our parents and our elderly friends that if they move to a senior community they’ll have more fun and company while deep inside, we think we wouldn’t want to give up our freedom to do as we please.

Yet it happens. Whether through illness or injury, loss of a spouse, or simply advanced age, many of us wind up living a simpler, more narrow life—one in which we need to know how to keep ourselves engaged.  Because if we know what truly interests us, we can avoid being bored, or we can at least use our boredom to spark some creativity within ourselves.

What do you do now, when you are truly bored?  Those times when you actually have all the items on your to-do list checked off?  When the rest of the family has gone to the music festival and you’re at home for several hours alone?  When nothing on television interests you and you’ve read all your magazines and it’s a bit gloomy outside?

Maybe these are the times to rediscover what your interests really are.  Fight inertia:  get out there and explore!

A few suggestions:

  • Play a memory game.  Can you remember the capitals of all 50 states?  Can you name the crew of the original Star Trek show? What color were their uniforms? Can you sing the words to your alma mater? What were the names of the campus buildings?
  • Cook something new.  Pull out a few pans you never use.  Buy some fun spices.  Put on some music from another country and make something international. Eat by candlelight.
  • Get out of the house.  If you can, take a walk, or at least sit outside a bit.  Breathe some air, feel the sun on your face.  Listen to Nature.  Watch the clouds…really watch the clouds.
  • Make a gratitude list.  Get beyond the material things, think about the best times of your life, and the best people.  What do you like most about them?
  • Schedule a weekly lunch.  It can be with the same person, or you can improvise.  And if it’s just you, that’s okay!  Choose a wonderful restaurant and enjoy. If you can, overtip the server and make his or her day. Generosity makes us feel wonderful.
  • Visit an art gallery.  Take your time.  Learn about an artist.  Chat with the docent.
  • Take a class. Pottery. Scrapbooking. Pickleball. Investment planning. Try something you’ve never thought about.
  • Pick one drawer and clean it out. 
  • Really organize your closet.  Really.  Don’t be afraid. Letting go makes us feel lighter.
  • Pet a cat or a dog.  And watch the birds.
  • Volunteer, or organize a project that has you collecting shoes or books…maybe pull in a few friends.
  • Stop by a thrift store.  Walk around, look at the amazing array of things people have had. Maybe it will inspire you to write a story or draw a picture.
  • Change a room. Move a chair. Hang a painting on another wall. Get new throw pillows. Repaint.
  • Work a puzzle.  Try a hard one!
  • Take a nap.  It very well could be you are fatigued, and daily naps are good.  But try to plan a fun activity when you wake up.

One big thing is not to let some periods of boredom ever make you think you don’t matter.  It’s just possible that you finally have some time to wind down, and it can be hard to know what to do with that time when you’re coming off a life of non-stop obligations.  So be good to yourself.

You’re important.

You matter.

And chances are if you’re finding yourself bored a lot, you also have above-average intelligence.  So put that sharp noggin to work…find some new ways to rock the wrinkle!

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