Category: Our good health (Page 1 of 13)

Maybe it was worth forgetting.

06/10/2024 / Laura

Aging can be quite entertaining sometimes. Kind of like getting on a roller coaster that takes you up, down, and around…but this ride is not one you can easily predict. You’ve watched others get onboard and hit speeds that amaze you, and you’ve seen what it can do to their faces, mid-sections, and personalities.

And you swear that won’t happen to you.

Wow, I’ll never look that bad in a swimsuit. For sure, I won’t walk around with hair that color. You won’t catch me wearing something that age-inappropriate.

But we all have been guilty, right? If not in public, then within the confines of our homes. Who hasn’t walked past their bedroom mirror and wondered who that is in the reflection…it must be the poor lighting.

But as many others who’ve walked ahead on this path, we eventually relax a bit and accept—even celebrate—the changes that are happening. A bit of gray can be distinctive. Reading glasses have never been more chic. It’s a whole lot more relaxing at the beach when you’re not trying to hold in your stomach.

And woohoo for senior discounts!

I hear someone on the radio talking about an older friend of theirs who said, “I only have about 30 more summers, I want to make the most of them.” (The person who said this is 68.) You bet. If a good long lifespan can be divided into thirds, then this can be the best one—the one where you guard your time for what matters.

Want to get a coloring book and buy some crayons? Go for it. (Be sure to close your eyes and smell them before you even use them, you’ll go somewhere magical.)

Want to drive to a natural retreat and just sit and listen to the morning birdsong? Do it. And turn off your phone.

Want to learn Italian? No one needs to know but you. And your brain will thank you.

What is harder is when you start to feel your mind is not quite as sharp as it once was. It’s infuriating to not be able to remember a last name, or how you modified that recipe before, or which player made that amazing play last year to win the finals.

And it can be frightening as well, especially if a parent or other loved one spent their last years in cognitive decline.

There’s no easy answer to that, but there are ways we can fight back, or at least slow it down. Regular exercise (not just an extra trip to the fridge. Actual cardio and strength work.) A healthier diet (Sit down to more fruits and veggies each day. Push back from the table before you are full.) Good companionship and opportunities to be around upbeat, interesting people. (Check out why people in the Blue Zones around the world have the greatest longevity).

Keep learning new things. Or even relearn some things you know you’ve forgotten. That can be hard to admit. But if it was worth knowing before, it’s worth relearning now.

And while we’re at it, let’s really let go of some of the stuff we don’t need to “know” anymore. It’s okay to store addresses and phone numbers in your phone (just occasionally read an old-fashioned map). Can’t remember a favorite recipe? Look up a new one, and see how it tastes. Has it been years since you did Tai chi? Just get up and gently move around, breathe deeply, and see how that feels.

And please, let go of things that caused pain, like the names of the mean kids in 8th grade or your first boss who didn’t like anybody. Maybe it’s worth forgetting.

It’s YOUR time. You’ve never been this wise. The universe is just waiting to show you what’s possible.

“Your problem is how you are going to spend this one odd and precious life you have been issued. Whether you’re going to spend it trying to look good and creating the illusion that you have power over people and circumstances, or whether you are going to taste it, enjoy it and find out the truth about who you are.” Anne Lamott

Loneliness, or solitude?

05/21/2023 / Laura

Are you feeling lonely?

Or are you enjoying solitude?

Interesting that a situation can be both for some of us, especially as we grow older and friends or family members move away, or die, leaving us to feel the loss of their companionship and support.

Yet we can feel alone without feeling lonely. And we can definitely feel very lonely even in the midst of a crowd.

And unfortunately, feeling lonely is really bad for us. Researchers have concluded that feeling left out, lonely, apart from others can do the same damage to our physical health as smoking 15 cigarettes.

15 cigarettes! That’s not good for sure. And then there’s the damage to our emotional and mental health. But remember, we’re talking about loneliness—not solitude.

Theologian, professor and deep thinker Paul Tillich spent a lot of time pondering what it really means to be alone and/or lonely.

In “The Eternal Now”, he writes: “Our language has wisely sensed these two sides of man’s being alone. It has created the word “loneliness” to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word “solitude” to express the glory of being alone…”

Tillich goes on to discuss the many ways in which solitude can serve our souls. “Solitude can also be found in the reading of poetry, in listening to music, in looking at pictures, and in sincere thoughtfulness. We are alone…but we are not lonely. Solitude protects us without isolating us.”

Enjoying solitude can be a challenge in modern life. Cell phones. Texting. Emails. Meet-up groups. Online dating. Conference calls. Even church. While all can enhance our lives, are they sometimes robbing us of the solitude we each need to keep our balance?

And what about the inventors, artists, writers, poets, and others who are driven to creative expression? Is this even possible without time alone…and is time alone even possible?

Tillich says, “You cannot become or remain creative without solitude. One hour of conscious solitude will enrich your creativity far more than hours of trying to learn the creative process.”

True, some do very well bouncing ideas and concepts off of others in a group. But for me, and for many of the creative people I’ve worked with, spending some time alone to let the tiny nuggets of ideas float to the top has always been much more productive.

How else can we hear what our minds and hearts are trying to tell us?

Some people are extroverts. And some are introverts…people who, according to Psychology Today, engage the world in fundamentally different ways. Social engagements can drain them, while quiet time gives them an energy boost. In fact, MRI studies have shown that people who are considered loners actually experience more blood flow in certain areas of their brains during social situations, which can be exhausting.

At the age of 82, Psychologist Carl Jung wrote in a letter these words: “Solitude is for me a fount of healing which makes my life worth living. Talking is often torment for me, and I need many days of silence to recover from the futility of words….”

Still, it’s important to remember that loneliness can wreck out health, even increasing the risk of early death. So what to do? You can’t just build a friend in the basement.

But you can take some simple steps to help you feel better and maybe make it easier to make new connections.

Take a walk and greet someone new. Exercise in a new class. Learn tai chi. Travel with a tour group. Attend an outdoor concert. Strike up a conversation with someone in a coffee shop. Sign up for a volunteer event. Get a pet—trust me, you won’t be lonely long.

Whether you’re feeling lonely at the moment, or enjoying a quiet break from the crowd, balance is always the key. As boomers and beyond, we know we have to be a part of the world, but we also know we must feed our souls. As Hobson said to Arthur, “Yes, bathing is a lonely business.” But it’s one we must do every day.

“Let us dare to have solitude—to face the eternal, to find others, to see ourselves.”

Paul Tillich

Welcoming Fall Differently

09/23/2020 / Laura

Fall in 2020

Early morning cool as you wave to someone across the street

Leaves starting their journey

Soft jackets with stubborn zippers that match your mask

Football games on televisions with masked cheerleaders

Squirrels getting busier

Chili peppers teasing your nose

Pumpkin carving at a safe distance

New pencils and sharp crayons on the kitchen table

Meeting new characters on television (including teachers)

Early blanket of darkness

Elk are bugling

Socks and sweatshirts and face guards and hand sanitizers

Warm cider and hot tea

A different light in the afternoon

Airing out the quilt and wanting to get underneath it until the election is over

Reading the Farmer’s Almanac

Stocking up on essentials but not buying all the TP on the shelf

Summer’s last gasp and yet it is hard to remember the last 3 months

Laughing by the fire pit at least 6 feet apart

Praying for exhausted doctors, nurses, EMTs

What is Fall for you? A time of exciting new beginnings? Or painful memories from years gone by? Does the cool air energize and inspire you, or do you wish summer’s warmth would linger? Of course you may live somewhere that offers high temperatures year-round. If so, what does the change of season mean to you?

I’ve always viewed the fall with mixed emotions. As a child, it was the whole back-to-school thing. Then it was the back-to-campus thing during college. Then you “become an adult” and school calendars no longer rule your life. Yet now in this crazy age, I truly sympathize with how a global pandemic has interfered with all the traditions of returning to school, no matter the age. For children, for young people, for teachers, for parents.

I do hope we can hold on to what is good about Fall.

I think it’s always been a time to go inward and be still. Changing leaves. Gorgeous sunsets. A slowing down and taking care.

Now as I am much older, Fall is also symbolic of how quickly things change. How life passes before we’re ready.

Losing an amazing person like Ruth Bader Ginsburg is a strong reminder. She didn’t sit around and wait for things to change. She changed them. And she didn’t stop when she grew older. What an inspiration! We owe it to her to stay active, involved, and engaged in what is going on in this world.

We owe it to her to VOTE for decency, honesty, fairness, integrity, intelligence, and empathy—things that must be brought back to the White House if we are to survive. Because the time to do so is NOW.

We don’t live forever. We can make plans and look ahead but we must not let time get away from us. We need to take the trip today, tell someone we love him or her today, have dessert first today.

We should not “postpone our joy”.

Fall is a new season. But I think inside, it’s also our cue to pull the blanket around us and warm up to our lives.

Luckily, as boomers, we have a lot of kindling.

“There is a pearl in every season. Find it. Then give all you have to claim it.”

Joan Sauro

“I would like to be remembered as someone who used whatever talent she had to do her work to the very best of her ability.”

Ruth Bader Ginsburg

Beating boredom.

05/16/2019 / Laura

So much to do, so many things to worry about, so many people want your attention all day, so many obligations that the calendar can’t hold them all. That’s a terrible problem. Only one thing is worse:

Having nothing to do, or being so bored with what is in front of you that you could scream.

It’s a common problem for boomers as we grow older. Children are grown and have their own lives. Your grandchildren probably have activities planned for each day of the week and rarely have time to visit you. Friends might live far away or not be in the best of health and it’s rare you can get together.

Even your dog would just as soon nap as take that daily walk.

You’re bored.

You thought retirement would be an emancipating, exciting time of life. After all, it is in all the commercials with the beautiful couples jet-setting off to exotic locations. Happy seniors learning to paint. Gray-haired law students showing the youngsters how to ask professors questions. Friends sitting by the fire pit with big smiles on their faces.

Yet, you’re just bored. And you’re not alone. Between 30 to 90% of American adults experience boredom at some point in their daily lives, as do 91 percent to 98 percent of youth. Men are generally more bored than women.

Research says when people feel trapped, they are more likely to be bored. You might be in a repetitive job. Or you can’t drive somewhere when you want a change of scene. Or maybe you had to give up your home and move in with family or into a community for supportive care. It feels like everybody else is having so much fun at this point of their lives and you’re on the sidelines.

So the days get long, and you can feel left out of it all.

It’s hard sometimes, this whole getting older business. We convince our parents and our elderly friends that if they move to a senior community they’ll have more fun and company while deep inside, we think we wouldn’t want to give up our freedom to do as we please.

Yet it happens. Whether through illness or injury, loss of a spouse, or simply advanced age, many of us wind up living a simpler, more narrow life—one in which we need to know how to keep ourselves engaged. Because if we know what truly interests us, we can avoid being bored, or we can at least use our boredom to spark some creativity within ourselves.

What do you do now, when you are truly bored? Those times when you actually have all the items on your to-do list checked off? When the rest of the family has gone to the music festival and you’re at home for several hours alone? When nothing on television interests you and you’ve read all your magazines and it’s a bit gloomy outside?

Maybe these are the times to rediscover what your interests really are. Fight inertia: get out there and explore!

A few suggestions:

Play a memory game. Can you remember the capitals of all 50 states? Can you name the crew of the original Star Trek show? What color were their uniforms? Can you sing the words to your alma mater? What were the names of the campus buildings?
Cook something new. Pull out a few pans you never use. Buy some fun spices. Put on some music from another country and make something international. Eat by candlelight.
Get out of the house. If you can, take a walk, or at least sit outside a bit. Breathe some air, feel the sun on your face. Listen to Nature. Watch the clouds…really watch the clouds.
Make a gratitude list. Get beyond the material things, think about the best times of your life, and the best people. What do you like most about them?
Schedule a weekly lunch. It can be with the same person, or you can improvise. And if it’s just you, that’s okay! Choose a wonderful restaurant and enjoy. If you can, overtip the server and make his or her day. Generosity makes us feel wonderful.
Visit an art gallery. Take your time. Learn about an artist. Chat with the docent.
Take a class. Pottery. Scrapbooking. Pickleball. Investment planning. Try something you’ve never thought about.
Pick one drawer and clean it out.
Really organize your closet. Really. Don’t be afraid. Letting go makes us feel lighter.
Pet a cat or a dog. And watch the birds.
Volunteer, or organize a project that has you collecting shoes or books…maybe pull in a few friends.
Stop by a thrift store. Walk around, look at the amazing array of things people have had. Maybe it will inspire you to write a story or draw a picture.
Change a room. Move a chair. Hang a painting on another wall. Get new throw pillows. Repaint.
Work a puzzle. Try a hard one!
Take a nap. It very well could be you are fatigued, and daily naps are good. But try to plan a fun activity when you wake up.

One big thing is not to let some periods of boredom ever make you think you don’t matter. It’s just possible that you finally have some time to wind down, and it can be hard to know what to do with that time when you’re coming off a life of non-stop obligations. So be good to yourself.

You’re important.

You matter.

And chances are if you’re finding yourself bored a lot, you also have above-average intelligence. So put that sharp noggin to work…find some new ways to rock the wrinkle!