Category: Inner Peace (Page 3 of 20)

Beating boredom.

05/16/2019 /

So much to do, so many things to worry about, so many people want your attention all day, so many obligations that the calendar can’t hold them all.  That’s a terrible problem. Only one thing is worse:

Having nothing to do, or being so bored with what is in front of you that you could scream.

It’s a common problem for boomers as we grow older. Children are grown and have their own lives. Your grandchildren probably have activities planned for each day of the week and rarely have time to visit you. Friends might live far away or not be in the best of health and it’s rare you can get together. 

Even your dog would just as soon nap as take that daily walk.

You’re bored.  

You thought retirement would be an emancipating, exciting time of life. After all, it is in all the commercials with the beautiful couples jet-setting off to exotic locations. Happy seniors learning to paint. Gray-haired law students showing the youngsters how to ask professors questions. Friends sitting by the fire pit with big smiles on their faces.

Yet, you’re just bored.  And you’re not alone. Between 30 to 90% of American adults experience boredom at some point in their daily lives, as do 91 percent to 98 percent of youth. Men are generally more bored than women.

Research says when people feel trapped, they are more likely to be bored.  You might be in a repetitive job. Or you can’t drive somewhere when you want a change of scene. Or maybe you had to give up your home and move in with family or into a community for supportive care.  It feels like everybody else is having so much fun at this point of their lives and you’re on the sidelines.

So the days get long, and you can feel left out of it all.

It’s hard sometimes, this whole getting older business.  We convince our parents and our elderly friends that if they move to a senior community they’ll have more fun and company while deep inside, we think we wouldn’t want to give up our freedom to do as we please.

Yet it happens. Whether through illness or injury, loss of a spouse, or simply advanced age, many of us wind up living a simpler, more narrow life—one in which we need to know how to keep ourselves engaged.  Because if we know what truly interests us, we can avoid being bored, or we can at least use our boredom to spark some creativity within ourselves.

What do you do now, when you are truly bored?  Those times when you actually have all the items on your to-do list checked off?  When the rest of the family has gone to the music festival and you’re at home for several hours alone?  When nothing on television interests you and you’ve read all your magazines and it’s a bit gloomy outside?

Maybe these are the times to rediscover what your interests really are.  Fight inertia:  get out there and explore!

A few suggestions:

  • Play a memory game.  Can you remember the capitals of all 50 states?  Can you name the crew of the original Star Trek show? What color were their uniforms? Can you sing the words to your alma mater? What were the names of the campus buildings?
  • Cook something new.  Pull out a few pans you never use.  Buy some fun spices.  Put on some music from another country and make something international. Eat by candlelight.
  • Get out of the house.  If you can, take a walk, or at least sit outside a bit.  Breathe some air, feel the sun on your face.  Listen to Nature.  Watch the clouds…really watch the clouds.
  • Make a gratitude list.  Get beyond the material things, think about the best times of your life, and the best people.  What do you like most about them?
  • Schedule a weekly lunch.  It can be with the same person, or you can improvise.  And if it’s just you, that’s okay!  Choose a wonderful restaurant and enjoy. If you can, overtip the server and make his or her day. Generosity makes us feel wonderful.
  • Visit an art gallery.  Take your time.  Learn about an artist.  Chat with the docent.
  • Take a class. Pottery. Scrapbooking. Pickleball. Investment planning. Try something you’ve never thought about.
  • Pick one drawer and clean it out. 
  • Really organize your closet.  Really.  Don’t be afraid. Letting go makes us feel lighter.
  • Pet a cat or a dog.  And watch the birds.
  • Volunteer, or organize a project that has you collecting shoes or books…maybe pull in a few friends.
  • Stop by a thrift store.  Walk around, look at the amazing array of things people have had. Maybe it will inspire you to write a story or draw a picture.
  • Change a room. Move a chair. Hang a painting on another wall. Get new throw pillows. Repaint.
  • Work a puzzle.  Try a hard one!
  • Take a nap.  It very well could be you are fatigued, and daily naps are good.  But try to plan a fun activity when you wake up.

One big thing is not to let some periods of boredom ever make you think you don’t matter.  It’s just possible that you finally have some time to wind down, and it can be hard to know what to do with that time when you’re coming off a life of non-stop obligations.  So be good to yourself.

You’re important.

You matter.

And chances are if you’re finding yourself bored a lot, you also have above-average intelligence.  So put that sharp noggin to work…find some new ways to rock the wrinkle!

How To Not Be Invisible.

02/18/2019 /

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Do you ever feel invisible? Like no one is hearing anything you say, or even noticing you’re there?

I confess I do at times, especially since as a boomer I’m older than so many of the people I come into contact with every day.

I see the part-time salesperson in the clothing store for hopelessly thin and young women sigh a bit when she has to wait on me. I order food at a deli counter and I know the person ringing it up is looking right through me. It’s no my order often gets lost. Am I truly fading away, or does the under-50 world just not want to acknowledge I’m there?

50+ men complain that women not that much younger than them call them “sir”. Few women over a certain age like to hear the word “ma’am” from a handsome waiter who already seems to be humoring them.

Then there’s the type—as a friend of mine says, we’ve all met this person—he/she is much younger, inexperienced in his/her field, yet already magically seems to know so much more than we do and sees no reason to consider that our opinions and guidance are based on actual experience.

And while a person can be proficient at something at only 25, I prefer to rely on the experience of someone aged 55, 65, 75, 85…etc. There’s an internal transformation that takes place with time. It is impossible to explain but it is very real. You just know more about some things, like how to stay cool under pressure and what really matters (and it’s not how many friends you have on Facebook).

(And at the same time, I very much like to be around a younger person who is so savvy about technology, metrics, social media, and more—I enjoy learning what they know, or at least benefitting from their knowledge—as long as they’ll show me the same respect.)

 

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It’s not always an age difference that brings up these feelings. If you’ve recently made a big change in your life, it’s likely you’re feeling more invisible these days. Suddenly there are new co-workers, new neighbors, new friends…or maybe it’s more a case of having removed yourself from the workforce, a marriage, a destructive situation. It can feel like there’s no barrier between you and the indifference of the world. You’re a baby boomer, putting yourself out there anew all over again. It’s a bit daunting.

I think sometimes we have to sit back and take a breath, and remind ourselves who we are.

We’re not over the hill.

We’re not past our prime.

We’re intelligent. Generous. Helpful. Involved. Curious. Worth knowing and worth listening to…whether it’s our opinions or our advice.

Many of us over 50 are just beginning to hit our most productive strides.   Some people will see that and acknowledge it. Some won’t—but does that truly matter?

If there’s a person who never seems to see or hear me, then maybe I need to be around others more. If it’s a room filled with 20-somethings, I just need to remember that when I was that age, I probably couldn’t think clearly enough to take in anyone else’s wisdom anyway. If my client thinks I am too old to do something creative, then I need to knock his/her socks off with my ideas.

And sometimes, it’s a simple matter of standing tall, speaking firmly, making good eye contact and being confident. Hey, we’re baby boomers! We are NOT invisible!

 

“I am not a has-been. I am a will-be.”

                        Lauren Bacall

 

 

 

 

Being present for the miracles.

01/28/2019 /

A few days ago, a beautiful sight appeared right outside my window.  An unexpected flock of cedar waxwings landed around the small pond in my yard and began splashing about, hopping on the rocks and clearly reveling in their discovery.  I couldn’t believe my eyes, as I had not seen a cedar waxwing in a very long time. 

In fact, that last time, was a few weeks after I had scattered the ashes of a beloved pet in a lovely creek in Colorado.  I had returned to the spot, taking a walk, and I stopped for a moment, closed my eyes, and when I opened them, in the bushes next to me were several waxwings.  They took my breath away then just as they did a few days ago at my home.

Cedar waxwings are like the Jaguar (automobile) of birds…elegant, beautiful, and somehow above the fray. They wear a mask reminiscent of Zorro, and sport a bright yellow patch on their tail.  Groups of cedar waxwings are called a “museum” of waxwings or an “ear-full” of waxwings.  How cool is that?  Seeing these birds  was a pure moment of grace, at least as I saw it.  For a moment, I wondered if my late dog, now an Australian Shepherd with angel wings, was visiting me again. 

Such moments are rare, but they do happen to us. The trick is to actually realize they are happening.  To be still enough to see the eagle in the sky.  Or the amazing red sunset. To look up from the GPS or computer tablet and notice how the light plays off the mountains.

Life is delicate.  It is fragile.  And it can be stunningly beautiful.

That’s good to remember when we are surrounded by so much arguing, so much hot air and such dysfunction.  It’s hard not to get sucked into the clamor. But if we are not very careful, the clamor will sink in our bones and steal our peace.  It will shove aside our childlike wonder that notices the butterfly land on our knee and instead, divert our attention to getting even, getting the last word, or getting revenge. 

No wonder so many people don’t see the butterfly.  Or the waxwing.  Or the red clouds.

Don’t be one of those people.

Resist.

The universe is waiting to wow you. Don’t miss it. 

“You do not need to leave your room. Remain sitting at your table and listen. Do not even listen, simply wait. Do not even wait, be quite still and solitary. The world will freely offer itself to you to be unmasked, it has no choice, it will roll in ecstasy at your feet.”    Franz Kafka

 “Enough. These few words are enough. If not these words, this breath. If not this breath, this sitting here. This opening to the life we have refused again and again until now. Until now.”         David Whyte

“I never saw a discontented tree.”  John Muir

Happy birthday!

01/08/2019 /

Birthdays.  Lots of fun (?) as we get older.  Even our friends aren’t too thrilled when our day comes around.

Everyone’s busy.  Everyone’s broke.  Everyone’s scared to consider they also are aging.

But we celebrate them.  Or at least, we stop and consider them. Even though as we age, the age we are “sounds” different than it did when we were much younger.  Remember how old you thought your 45-year-old art teacher was?  How over-the-hill the bus driver was?  How you’d never look as “bad” as that gray-haired woman who lived down the street with all the cats?

50?  Yeech, that’s when you stop staying up late at night.  60?  You probably won’t leave the house then.  70?  Teeth in a jar.

And then we turn these ages…and realize how untrue all that is, how we had no clue when we were young that we were infants compared to what life is all about.  The experiences we have, the wisdom we gain, the pain we live through…it all makes us who we are right now. 

And that includes those wrinkles.  And extra inches around our waistline.  Nature is going to do what nature is going to do.  We don’t have to completely give up, we can get off the couch and go to the gym, walk 10,000+ steps a day or do some chair aerobics, and have an apple instead of a snack cake.

And we can celebrate right now, in this moment, being alive and not being a kid anymore. How great it is to no longer worry what everyone thinks about us all the time.  Not letting fear rule every decision we make.  Not putting important things off because we think we’ll live forever. Not thinking every disappointment or failure has doomed us for eternity.

In fact, it’s those disappointments and failures that give the cake of life its flavor.  You might not taste it at first, you might have to wait quite a while, but you’ll eventually detect the spices that make up your unique recipe:  the heartbreaks, getting fired, making a bad choice or two or three, poor judgment, bad haircuts and more.

And as baby boomers, we get to celebrate what all we’ve seen and it’s all part of us as well…landing on the moon, the battle for civil rights, protecting the environment…it’s not too late to stand up and make our voices heard when we see things going in the wrong direction.  We’re still here.  We’re smarter and more patient now (in most cases) and we have a lot to contribute.

So light those candles.  And make that wish come true.  Every day could be the birth of something wonderful—if we help make it so.

“Our wrinkles are our medals of the passage of life. They are what we have been through and who we want to be.” 

  Lauren Hutton 

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