Category: Inner Peace (Page 19 of 20)

Wild and precious life.

05/04/2015 /

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Remember being a child and lying in soft green grass…looking up at clouds as they lazily drifted by…making necklaces out of clover…playing softball with makeshift bases…waiting for the ice cream truck to come by on a hot afternoon…drinking water out of the garden hose….really taking in the joy of summer, or any other day…the sights, aromas, sounds, feelings.

Long before we all learned how to be more “efficient” with our time.

Maybe it’s good to occasionally go back to those days.

Become a swan.  Or a grasshopper.

It’s good to be alive.  It’s good to be older.  And maybe sometimes best of all, it’s good to just be.  To, as poet Mary Oliver says, “know how to be idle.”

Otherwise just think of what we are missing.

 

The Summer Day

by Mary Oliver

“Who made the world?

Who made the swan, and the black bear?

Who made the grasshopper?

This grasshopper, I mean-

the one who has flung herself out of the grass,

the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,

who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down-

who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.

Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.

Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.

I don’t know exactly what a prayer is.

I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down

into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,

how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,

which is what I have been doing all day.

Tell me, what else should I have done?

Doesn’t everything die at last, and too soon?

Tell me, what is it you plan to do

with your one wild and precious life?”

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As boomers and beyond, we understand more than ever how valuable life is, and how fragile.  How friends leave us.  How grandchildren and nieces and nephews grow up so fast.  How pets age as well and remind us we’re not so young anymore.  In some ways it seems like forever since we played hopskotch or hide-and-seek in the evenings.  But in other ways, it feels like yesterday.

One of the best-selling books right now is a coloring book for adults.  What bliss!  If you don’t believe me, go buy a new set of crayons. Open the box. Close your eyes and sniff.

Tell me that doesn’t take you back to a part of you that’s been quiet a long, long time.   So go ahead.  Be a grasshopper. Lie in the grass.  And by all means, color outside the lines.

****(And gentle friends, in the spirit of being creative as well as efficient with your time, you may be relieved to know that RockTheWrinkle.com will now be updated weekly (as opposed to 2x a week) unless the spirit moves me otherwise.  Get out there and enjoy the season!)

“Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted.”

       John Lennon

How rudeness hurts us.

04/23/2015 /

Recently I was walking my dog down a sidewalk when a 30-ish woman and her two children on bicycles and a dog approached me, taking up most of the sidewalk. My dog and I moved over as far as we could and just as we were about to pass this small group, the woman’s dog got a bit close and made my dog a bit nervous, so I pulled us even more to the side.

Instead of just passing us, or tightening her leash on her own pet, the woman yelled out in a very loud and very unfriendly voice something quite uncalled for and directed at me.

I was a bit stunned—my dog and I did nothing wrong. We had moved over to let this group pass. Why in the world would she make a public scene…and in front of her children?

Of course I had many responses in my head…things I wanted to say very badly after she walked by. But her children were with her, which stopped me.

 Though quite obviously, that did not stop her.

So many times I see what I consider to be an attack of “entitlement” come over people of a particular age group. (Yes, here I am, someone over 50, shaking my wrinkled finger at someone younger while my teeth fall out.)

Not really.

I just don’t understand.

I’ve never felt entitled, or that the world owed me something, or, that anyone around me should just put up with my pets if they’re acting up. Quite the opposite.

 It used to be called courtesy. Civility. A realization that while I may be special to those who love me, and special to the spirit that created me, I’m not “special” in traffic, crowds, long lines, or at the motor vehicle registration office. I’m just another person.

This seems to be a lost idea.

But wait. Didn’t Tom Wolfe call us boomers the “Me Generation” back in the 1970s? Self-centered and spoiled?

Were we? Are we still?

And is rudeness just what it is…a sign of changes in society that has nothing to do with age? Did our grandparents shake their heads and wonder what had become of manners?

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It really does feel like things are a bit coarser these days, like taking the soft and forgiving road just isn’t done much. I confess to quick irritation when a driver cuts me off haphazardly or someone jumps in line ahead of me. And I’m sure negative breeds negative. And granted, as boomers and beyond, we didn’t grow up with the need (or just the temptation) to constantly be sticking our noses in electronic devices to see stock prices, weather, and funny texts…we actually interacted with those around us.

So being polite was the smart thing to do. And it’s lot easier than being rude.

In fact, according to Psychology Today, rudeness can wreck your health. Talking down to someone. Ignoring a co-worker. Being impolite. When this happens to us on a regular basis, it can lead to anxiety, depression, weight gain, heart disease, sleep problems, and digestive ailments.

And sometimes the rudeness isn’t so blunt. Like when we interrupt each other constantly. Or never show up for a date or social engagement on time. Can’t put down our cell phone when we’re supposed to be enjoying another person’s company. Laugh off another’s anxiety when he or she is revealing a deep hurt.

Research says when we do that, we’re not seeing the other person as an equal. Or we may in fact be so insecure we don’t know how else to act.

I admit I stay confused about some of this…I’ve been around such cordial strangers and seen such acts of kindness. I’ve traveled to cities where I had been warned everyone would be rude, and they were the kindest people I’ve met. And like all of us, I’ve been ignored, disrespected, and left wondering what is ailing the other person.

dioSo maybe it comes down to realizing we don’t know what’s going on with that person; what hurt lies inside; what bad day have they had; why do they choose that behavior. Maybe we will be the only nice person they meet today (this of course assumes we are nice!). Maybe for now, let just have to let them be who they are.

And challenge ourselves to be what we can—the best version of our own self.

 “I always prefer to believe the best of everybody, it saves so much trouble.”

     Rudyard Kipling

 

 

 

 

 

Retiring your way.

04/02/2015 /

Retirement is a lot like graduation. Some people know exactly where they are going and want to accomplish. Others are undecided, or just want to take some time off.

Whatever a person chooses is just fine…after all, it’s their retirement.

I think that’s important to remember. It’s easy to sit on the sidelines and badger someone who’s considering retiring…what are you going to do next? You’re not just going to sit around, are you? Won’t you get bored?

Consider for a moment that this person may not be sure what he or she wants next. After working a lifetime in any profession, it’s natural and healthy to just want to be still long enough to let your mind clear. Let long-hidden dreams or desires come to the surface. See where your instincts lead you.

If a person does choose to immediately fill their time with a second job, volunteer work, or a new project, that’s fine too. But again, it’s a personal choice. I really think our society has somehow made it a sin to acknowledge that we need time to be quiet. To recover.

To let our minds wander without checking our cell phones.

IMG_0130And then there’s the whole misconception about retirement. To me, it’s more of a change of life, a new direction, a rebooting.

It’s not dropping off a cliff.

It’s not a hard stop.

It’s an off-ramp that could lead you to some wonderful, never-before-discovered treasures.

So let the wind take you where it may. On your schedule, when you are ready.

  • You’ve followed a daily routine for 30+ years. Now you can eat breakfast and read the paper without running out the door.
  • You’ve fought rush hour traffic, driven in snowstorms, and raced to meetings across town. Now you can go for a walk before lunch.
  • You’ve run for flights, lost your baggage, endured terrible hotels, and made enough presentations before bored audiences. Now you can decide to drive to a park tomorrow and have lunch.
  • You’ve missed soccer games, recitals, anniversary dinners, and reunions. Now you control your time.
  • You’ve postponed reading great books, missed all the latest movies, and never made it up late enough to watch the show on PBS. Now you can take a book outside and read as long as you choose.

photo-1415226581130-91cb7f52f078You’ve worked for it. You’ve earned it. And now you are ready for what could be the best phase of your life.

So don’t let anyone rush you into anything. It took you a long time to get here. Just enjoy. Look around. Breathe. Lean back.

Throw that virtual mortar board in the air…you made it!!!

 

“Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.”

      Seneca

Is fear stopping you?

03/12/2015 /

In the movie “Defending Your Life,” Albert Brooks has to face the facts: during his life, he has let fears of rejection and failure get in his way of realizing some very precious dreams. Who couldn’t relate to moments like that…in the cafeteria in junior high, at the front door saying goodnight to a date, waiting for a job interview, etc., etc.

Fear’s a weird thing. In some ways, it’s good because it keeps us alive. It can be a great alarm when we are considering doing something stupid or reckless. It can let us know when things don’t quite feel right. It can warn us that a stranger is best kept at a distance.

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But it also can ruin everything.

You want to try the zip line, but you’re scared.

 He wants to call her, but he fears she’ll laugh and hang up.

 She wants to ask her for a raise, but she’s scared her boss will find a reason to let her go instead.

And maybe the biggest one of all: we fear we will die before we realize our dreams.

It’s amazing how competent we can feel in several areas, yet occasionally, our fears reduce us to quaking masses of jelly. Scientists say it’s when our brain detects the potential for pain. Or when we confront something we never expected. Our bodies get ready to flee. Our heart can race, we feel nauseous, we can’t breathe. In extreme cases, fear can invoke a panic attack or even worse.

Everyone has his or her own way of dealing with fear. Controlling your breathing. Being self-aware and talking yourself down. Getting control of your mind.

Easier said than done sometimes. But what about the nagging, slow simmering kind of fear? The one that sets up camp in your brain and whispers how you are too old to change careers. Too gray-haired to learn kayaking. Too mature to get out on the dance floor.

I think those fears are more insidious, and ultimately, more damaging than anything. They nibble away at our spirit like starving field mice. They’re the “what if” fears….what if I look stupid? What if they all laugh? What if I write a novel and nobody reads it?  What if I fail?

What if I really can’t do it after all?

Fair enough…but what if you can?

I’ve had occasions in my life where I’ve feared that I would never achieve something that mattered to me…and then suddenly been overcome with fear that I actually would reach my goal. Talk about feeling nuts.

I think as I get older, I’m fairly well acquainted with what I fear…and what will trigger it. That gives me a slight edge as I can try and prepare my mind before I tackle the challenge. But even better, I think aging itself takes away some of our fears…because we simply don’t care that much about things that truly can’t hurt us.

So what if one person laughs when you get out there and boogie…they don’t know how much fun you’re having.

pad-black-and-whiteSo what if you write your life story and it doesn’t sell…you wrote it for yourself anyway.

So what if none of the young executives think you really understand the latest technology….you have the edge in experience, wisdom, and tried-and-true business strategy.

I confess to having some irrational fears (heights and spiders). I confess that I’m not crazy about speaking in public. And I do listen to my inner protector if I’m somewhere unfamiliar and a warning bell goes off.

But I’m trying my best to take the air out of the fears that I think have no business stopping me from enjoying life. I’m not afraid of the white hairs that are showing up. Or the fact that I can’t stay up as late as I used to.

And I’m definitely not afraid of my wrinkles!

Go see “The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel”…lots of nice wisdom about overcoming fears and embracing who we boomers and beyond really are:

Fearless!

 

“The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.”

       Joseph Campbell

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