Cruel shoes?

Are you still torturing yourself with uncomfortable shoes?

I’m not just saying this to women, but men as well. Seems many of us are still doing this, though you’d think by now we would know better.

I am a card-carrying member of the plantar fasciitis club, so my days of sexy shoes are over, unless they can handle orthotics. It’s always such fun to try on shoes in a store and have to pull out the footbed that comes with the shoe, whip out my orthotics, and see if I then can get my feet in them. Thank God these days you can actually find attractive shoes that can handle the challenge.

But all those thin, crazy shoes that put women’s feet a vertical position?

Not no way, not no how. And why would I, even if I could?

Turns out, not surprisingly, foot pain and disorders are some of the most common ailments of people over 50. Maybe it’s because some have worn painful shoes their whole lives. Maybe it’s that their shoes don’t fit (podiatrists say this is much more common than you would think).

Maybe some people just think they have to live with pain because they are over 50, 60, 70….etc.

 Pshaw!

Consider the foot. 26 bones. 33 joints. More than 120 muscles, ligaments, tendons and nerves. Your feet get you going. Absorb the shock of hitting the ground with each step. Give you balance.   Let you dance, kick a ball, pick up marbles when you’re bored, stroke a cat’s fur.  Feel the warmth of sand on a relaxing beach. And for me maybe most importantly, let me hike all over beautiful mountain and desert trails.

So why don’t we take better care of them?

I almost can’t look at photos of women wearing the vertical stilettos…it makes my own feet hurt. I sincerely wish more women in the public eye would just go ahead and say, “Look, most women’s shoes are ridiculous. Let’s all admit that, wear something that doesn’t destroy our feet, and move on to what’s really important, like lunch.”   I don’t think that’s going to happen.

Instead, some women just insist on continuing the fantasy. More power to you, but just have the facts. WebMD lists the consequences of wearing these torture devices: knots on the back of the heel, blisters, swelling, bursitis, hairline fractures and more. Even ballet flats can be bad, as they provide no arch support and can lead to knee, hip, and back problems.

 Remember Steve Martin’s “Cruel Shoes”?

 Anna knew She had to have a new pair of shoes today, and Carlo had helped her try on every pair in the store. Carlo spoke wearily, “Well, that’s it. That’s every pair of shoes in the place.”

“Oh, you must have one more pair….”

“No, not one more… . Well, we have the cruel shoes, but no one would want to try…

“Yes, let me see the cruel shoes!”

“No, you don’t understand, you see, the cruel shoes are…’

“Get them!”

Carlo disappeared into the back room for a moment, and then reappeared carrying an ordinary shoebox. He took off the lid and re-moved a hideous pair of black and white pumps. But this was not an ordinary pair of black and white pumps; both were left feet, one had a right angle turn with separate compartments that pointed the toes in impossible directions. The other shoe was six inches long and was curved inward like a rocking chair with a vise and razor blades to hold the foot in place.

Carlo spoke hesitantly, “… Now you see… they’re not fit for humans…” 

“Put them on me.”

“But…”

“Put them on me!”

Carlo knew all arguments were useless. He knelt down before her and forced the feet into the shoes.

The screams were incredible.

Anna crawled over to the mirror and held her bloody feet up where she could see.

“I like them.”

She paid Carlo and crawled out of the store into the street.

Later that day, Carlo was overheard saying to a new customer, “Well, that’s it. That’s every pair of shoes in the place. Unless, of course, you’d like to try the cruel shoes.”

And it’s not just women. Some men seem to want to suffer too.

The American College of Foot and Ankle Surgeons say men are also walking in their version of cruel shoes. First, there’s the pointy-toed shoe, which many men are sporting. Great if you enjoy hammer toes bunions and pain.

Then there are men’s sandals, which because many of them do not offer the right support, are causing heel pain, tendonitis, pain in the big toe and stress fractures. The ACFAS recommends men instead choose a sandal with a sturdy, cushioned sole and padded straps. (And if you’re suffering from diabetes, check with your podiatrist before wearing sandals.)

Fashion and style are great. But being comfortable trumps it all and is possible (even for women) without looking like a line repairman. There’s some great looking and truly harmless shoes out there.

I always think of “The Emperor’s New Clothes” when I see someone wearing something I know is killing them, but they just smile and act like all is well as they attempt to walk without falling face first into a fruit stand.

Now that we’re older, and wiser, and our feet have carried this far, can we give them a break?  What’s on your feet?

 “The human foot is a masterpiece of engineering and a work of art.”

                  Leonardo da Vinci