Rock The Wrinkle

Finally I reached the mountaintop…or at least as high as my knees would allow me to go. Retirement.

After working more years than most of the people I encounter each day have been alive, I pulled the plug.

And it’s been weird.

For sure, it’s been a wonderful thing to not have to constantly check my email and texts for frantic updates on work…and what I need to do about it. In this age of around-the-clock hurry up and do it right now we know you see this message and you can’t hide so don’t make us wait, it felt like a luxury to just go about my day. No one was waiting for my return email. No one was sitting on my shoulder sending stress through every cell.

That was very okay with me.

Wow. Finally time to just breathe. To get up and choose whether to go for a walk first, go to the gym, plan the day, or maybe even do nothing. Nothing. Not that I can do that for long. But to just have the option. Wow.

A friend told me to not give into the temptation to go nuts immediately. “Don’t clean out all your closets in one week,” she said. Great advice. Whether you are actually talking about real closets, or bigger life issues that you’ve put off for years, you don’t have to settle each one the first four days you are not working. It can be tempting to do this, especially after being on a rigid schedule. But you don’t have to.

Our minds can be bit unsettled when we retire. Who are we now?

If you’re like many new retirees, you might feel like you’re standing on the middle of a bridge. One side is where your work life, work friends, and work brain is located. It was great while it lasted, but you don’t really want to go back there, other than staying in touch with the people who have made a difference in your life and you still care about.

The other side is like a vast unknown blur…you can’t see what’s there, but you know you have to take the next step and find out. Because just standing still is going to get boring fast. Again, it doesn’t have to be a regimented, scheduled adventure…but a few goals might help pull you forward.

Maybe it’s travel. Or reconnecting with old friends. Continuing education. Gardening. Reading that stack of books you’ve collected and doing it anytime you feel like it.

Or maybe, for a while, it’s letting all your body systems slow down a bit and occasionally, just idle. There’s a lot to be said for being still. Letting the noise in your head quiet. Listening to your breathing. Taking a walk through a forest or alongside a lake or down a sidewalk and for once, really hearing the birdsong, feeling the breeze, even feeling your steps in a way you never have.

Just being.

That can be hard enough, if you’ve just come from years of feeling you have to always be accomplishing something.

But remember: you are.

Just breathing can be such a luxury sometimes.

Walter Kirn

It’s the season to stop and be grateful for everything we have, and to remember we are just like our neighbors, whether they’re next door or around the world. We all could use a physical, spiritual and mental hug.

I’m a realist, but I’m also an optimist, so I’m going to stay stubborn and believe that brighter days will return again once all these dark clouds go away. Until then, here are some possible items for a baby boomer’s gratitude/wish list.

Eyebrows. I don’t know about you, but I think my eyebrows left one night while I was sleeping. I used to have thick eyebrows, and now I don’t seem to have anything…or could it be I just can’t see them? Sad.

Energy. Oh, those heady days when you arose to a sunny day with a full list and the energy to do it all, and still have enough left in the tank to engage in meaningful conversation in the evening! (Discussing which game to watch on television does not count.)

Kindness. It’s such an easy gift to give. Everyone’s worn out, scared and, increasingly, paranoid. So when there’s an opportunity to smile at someone, wish them a good day, or just be pleasant even when (and maybe especially when) they are being cross and impatient, just do it. Maybe the angels are keeping score and you’ll get an extra halo when you cross over.

Or maybe, you’ll just lighten someone else’s load for a second. (Which I think is why we are all here; I lost my notes so I can’t remember.)

Memory. Short-term. Mid-term. Long-term. All that stuff up there in our brain that we forget—lunch appointments, names, what day it is, why we ended up here—where does it all go? They say human noses and ears grow larger as we age. So is that where all my passwords are stored?  I think I read an article about this, but I can’t remember.

Time. It really is true. Time accelerates as you grow older. Fifth grade was endless. The last five years felt like 15 minutes. That doesn’t seem right. That list of things you absolutely want to do “someday”…better get on it. Even if you think it’s “too late” to take that trip, study a new language, learn Tai chi, or join the Rockettes, go for it. Be grateful for today: but don’t waste it.

Hope. This is a good one. I’m very, very grateful to still have hope. But I definitely could use more. Maybe that’s why so many things are in such a mess right now—so we can realize how important it is to have hope.

With a little patience, and a sense of humor, we can all sit at the table together this season and remember we’re grateful for all we have—especially the turkeys.

“We are not all in the same boat. We are all in the same storm. Some are on super-yachts. Some have just the one oar.”

            Damian Barr

“A little consideration, a little thought for others, makes all the difference.

            Eeyore

I have hesitated to write a blog in many months for one reason:  I could not even begin to find the words for what is going on in the world. I have always wanted to keep politics out of this space, but that’s become impossible because what is happening is about more than who a person voted for, it’s the absolute falling apart of decency, compassion, intelligence, empathy, common sense, and yes, democracy.

There’s no more need to be still when someone says, “Oh, that can’t happen.” It already IS happening.

It staggers the mind to see what is going on. Again, it’s not about disagreeing over policy or budgets.

It’s slicing benefits for Veterans who have served this country. It’s destroying the lives of people who stand in the hot sun picking tomatoes so we can put them on our salads, while they have no health insurance or enough food to feed their own children. It’s terrorizing human beings who know in their heart they were born to be another gender. (How is this your business?) It’s ripping the jobs away from thousands of hard-working, underpaid, caring people who have worked tirelessly to keep our national parks (which were originally created as a gift to the people) safe, clean, and open.

It’s inviting a human cyborg to take over Cabinet meetings and demand that seasoned employees prove to him they are worthy of their jobs. (NO ONE voted for him.)

And sickeningly, it’s doing it from the pretext that it’s what God wants. (It’s hard not to type that without vomiting.)

Perhaps all we can do is resist. Resist hearing it. Resist letting someone tell us how “smart” this person is. (Dear God.) Resist doing business in any retail setting where employees are loudly extolling this regime and assuming everyone in the place agrees with them. (We don’t.) Resist giving into the unending exhaustion it brings about to live in a country where ignorance rules. Stand with Ukraine and its brave people.

Some of us will resist. Try to do what we can to help those who are being persecuted. Get our vaccines and pray for those who eschew scientific expertise and take their chances while putting others at risk. Speak up when we know something is WRONG. Read news from sources that actually fact-check. And hang on to hope that this too shall pass.

If this incites angry feedback, so be it. Turn on FOX. Read the so-called “newspapers” that are nothing but propaganda. Spray your hair orange. Enjoy. I do my best every day to say a prayer for you. You may have some power for a while.

I will have hope forever.

I don’t think of all the misery, but of the beauty that still remains.

Anne Frank

I’ve always said by the time we leave this earth, each of us will be a genius.

I’m seeing it already. It’s taken me a long time to learn some really important things, but I finally have. For instance:

How to lubricate the garage door (and how often).

How to replace a door knob.

How to coax a dog into eating her dinner or taking a pain pill (much deception is involved).

How to remove leaves from a gutter using a very tall, very creaky ladder. Without falling.

How to unload nine 40-lb bags of mulch from the back of an SUV without requiring back surgery later (key words: two-wheeler).

That some people, for whatever reason, are going to be crabby all the time.

How good it feels to give away what you no longer use, wear, look at, read, cook with, sit on, or even think about.

That nothing will ever replace that wonderful crackly sound when you drop the stylus on an LP.

That not only is it okay to not reopen a door closed long ago after a bad ending of a relationship (romantic or friend), it’s wise.

How to change the batteries in anything. At midnight, in the dark. Without your glasses.

That as soon as you fill the bird feeder, the squirrel will come. With friends.

That WiFi only goes out when the big game is coming on.

How to find your glasses. At midnight, in the dark. Without tripping over your black dog.

That everything changes. Including people. And your ability to stay up late.

That life is short, but what you do with the time is up to you, and you should do as much as you can. Without worrying about what everyone else thinks. It’s not only okay to love yourself, it’s in your DNA. Make it count.